To Be Honest

Since it was Taylor’s luncheon, it was her prerogative to invite whomever she wanted. Actually the Housewives have been together at almost every event this year. I invited all the girls to my mother's benefit for the John Wayne Cancer Institute. We usually all go as a group. I wasn't surprised that Taylor decided not to invite Lisa. Taylor had been talking about Lisa's attitude towards her. I didn't know what to expect going into the tea party, however I was pretty much pre-occupied. That week was very difficult for me because my ex-husband filed for full custody and my mind was filled with concern for my children.

For me personally it was a very emotional day so I almost didn't make the tea party. It was a tough decision for me to even drive all the way to Lisa's house. I didn't want to go if there was going to be any drama. I didn't want to be involved in any because I was going through so much of my own. But there you go, I found myself smack in the middle. It wasn't by choice.

So I already began my day feeling vulnerable. I empathized with Taylor as she explained her feelings about Lisa. Obviously she was in a lot of pain. She also discussed her situation with Russell with all the women. It was the elephant in the room. We were all trying to help our friend. Since I'm not a therapist, I'm not qualified to make any assessment of her personal life. The only thing I can offer is advice. Lisa and I and the girls had offered our help. It was a very difficult place to be in.

Kyle spoke about being put in the middle which is exactly how I felt. I was blindsided by Taylor because she brought me into an argument that wasn't mine. That was her fight with Lisa and they needed to work it out themselves. It was very unfair to include me and the other girls. When I viewed the episode and saw Taylor tell Paul that all the girls agreed to back Taylor I was shocked. Taylor never asked me to support her against Lisa. We never had that conversation. I wouldn't have agreed to it -- because I had no problem with Lisa. Lisa has been there for me. Up to the tea party, Lisa was phoning at least twice a week, checking up on me, and being very supportive knowing what I was going through with my ex.

So, as you probably noticed I was getting more and more agitated with Taylor. I had all these pent up emotions and thoughts going through my mind. I felt bad for Taylor because obviously she was upset and was going through a lot. But why did she want the rest of the girls to fight her battle with Lisa? At this point in my life, I didn't want to be involved in any of that drama. I've been trying to avoid all drama and be as fair and honest as I possibly could. I'm still working on myself.

The argument should have been just between Lisa and Taylor. If Taylor had any problems with Lisa, I think she should have pulled Lisa aside or took her for tea alone and discussed their issues. It shouldn't have been at Lisa's house during a tea party.

Lisa wanted us to defend Lisa. Taylor asked Kyle to back her. I thought, "Wow, why must we choose sides when this is not our argument?" I was an unwilling participant unfortunately. Taylor should not have put us in that position. And to say that we were all talking behind Lisa's back was, I thought, a bit catty. Obviously she was just looking for support.

The conversation turned to their relationship when Taylor left. We had talked about Russell's email earlier. What was the more powerful issue? How Taylor felt about Lisa or what was going on in Taylor's personal life? We collectively as a group were concerned for Taylor. We all discussed how to help her. We truly care about our friend. We love Taylor and wanted to do what’s best for her and her daughter and help her find the strength to move forward with her life and hopefully choose the right course of action.

Some of Taylor's stories were inconsistent which led to our confusion. It was a very touchy and difficult subject and so sad and unfortunate. All we really wanted was the best for her and to help without crossing the line.

Accusations were flying around the room. I was frustrated because Taylor basically kept accusing us of being liars and talking behind Lisa's back. When she said nobody is being honest it struck a nerve with me. I thought, "OK, you might not think everyone is being honest but who is really being honest? You're not being honest with yourself. How do we help you because I know we all tried?" Over the last year and a half we have protected her and helped her. My frustration stemmed from her blaming others when she needed to look inside her own relationship and to also realize that we were there for her. So what I said came out of that frustration.

Do I regret saying it -- of course! If only I could have broached the subject better, I would have. At the time emotions were running high. Not just with me, but Lisa chimed in too. We were so frustrated. I was truly concerned for Taylor and that's the hard part. I wanted to be there for her. I did offer that she and Kennedy could move into my home. It was very difficult. All I wanted was to help my friend.

At that time, as I stated, we didn't know the extent of what was going on. Taylor was sending us mixed messages. Now we understand, but back then none of the girls sitting in the room fully understood the situation. As I said, I liked Taylor but after my divorce we didn't hang out that often. I considered her a friend but I didn't know all that was happening in her life. I wasn't in her close circle. Also many issues in my own life kept me focused on what I had to do for myself and for my children. It’s been very hard but we are getting there.

I regret now what I said during this episode. And I apologized. I felt absolutely terrible. All I wanted to do was help my friend. It was an especially difficult episode for me to watch. I'd just rather see us celebrate one another instead of fighting.