Defending Brandi When She Was Indefensible
Lisa explains why she didn't intervene in the Brandi situation but what she does wish Brandi and Joyce had done at dinner.
Welcome back! I hope you all had a happy Xmas. . . Mine was busy cooking for our family and guests but I wouldn't have changed a second of it.
This week, when I was talking to Ken in the rose garden (I have to say one of my favorite tasks), I explained to him that I was coming to the slow realization that my chastising Brandi was of no use. It was pretty redundant in its outcome. It was also having ramifications on our relationship. The playful banter had taken a different direction. My life was still juggling many things, running between SUR, Villa Blanca, and all my other demands, especially with the new venue. My time was precious and I didn't want any conflict with my friends in our downtime.
Palm Springs and Yolanda's dinner had not gone particularly well. I felt that as a group of women, who were inextricably entwined in a situation for the immediate future, I knew we hadn't given Joyce a fair chance. I had compromised myself in my attitude towards her out of loyalty to Brandi, laughed at times when Brandi had poked fun at Joyce, trying to diffuse a situation when maybe I shouldn't have. I was well aware, in my attempt to silence her in Palm Springs, to snatch the bottle from her that it was pretty hopeless. She was taking her own path, making her choices regardless of my input. Honestly I had not warmed to Joyce because of our initial interaction, but I was well aware that the divide was becoming greater and we needed some resolution. So I attempted to mend fences. . .
Inviting my very good friends Martin, Mohammed, and Shiva, was a positive place to start. They had a history with Joyce and spoken well of her and Michael. They weren't particularly close, but I felt it would be cohesive. They could diffuse any tension that had ensued in the past. I also knew that Joyce would feel more comfortable in the company of such close mutual friends.
I endeavored to gently remind Brandi not to provoke Joyce, and, most importantly, if that she couldn't call her "Joyce" it was better to call her nothing at all.
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I have defended Brandi's actions when sometimes they have been indefensible. I have no earthly idea why she felt it necessary to throw the first punch. My reaction showed that clearly. Remarking that their mutual friends didn't speak well of Joyce was an instigative, inflammatory remark that I knew would create further turmoil in these already convoluted relationships.
Joyce reacted vehemently, and, although I understood her reaction, I still hoped that she would take the high road. Not so. It was as if she had reached her limit, so she retaliated. I understood her position, but when nametags like "racist" start being bandied around there will be no easy resolution.
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I don't have delicate ears, however with some of the language that spewed from Brandi's mouth. . .Well, there has to be a line somewhere, some boundaries of respect between us, otherwise it becomes intolerable to be around. Just an endless litany of expletives!
There we have it. We close in the midst of yet another fiasco that will be concluded next week.
I trust you have a happy New Year and remember my mantra that love and laughter supersedes all.
Until 2014! Love always
Lisa.
