Watching the last couple of episodes, after having lived them, was like pulling my fingernails out with a pair of pliers. Because of that, I just want to keep this week’s blog simple and straight to the point.
I'd love to enjoy this trip, have fun with the ladies, and ultimately have peace, but it needs to come from a real place. Since we all went through this horrible event together, I feel like we all need to resolve it together.
That being said, I don’t feel at this point that any resolution has been made, contrary to what everyone but Kyle and I seem to act like. I’m completely confused by the fact that Lisa R. went shopping with Brandi and Kim. I would have no problem with that if I thought that Lisa R. had gotten a real apology from Kim and that they had come to a place of mutual respect and understanding. As Kyle said, it seems that everybody has swept this awful event under the rug. Where’s Kim's apology for making insidious inferences about Lisa R.’s husband, Harry? Where’s the apology to Kyle and me for all the awful things that were said? And why did Brandi not step up and say she had been concerned about Kim as well?
This is why I asked Lisa R. to meet me at the bar. I just need to understand what’s happened that’s made her OK with this very wrong situation. She tells me there is no dealing with someone who isn't rational. Kim scares her and she's not fine with any of it. I look in her eyes, and I now understand. Lisa R. makes it clear that she is in pure survival mode. All I can do is try and support her, knowing that what happened at that dinner is anything but resolved for her. She's simply not capable of dealing with her true feelings while on this trip. My guess is she will when she gets home and into a safer, more supportive environment.
This is truly the most exhausting, emotionally draining vacation I've ever experienced.
Later that evening on the boat, there is still so much ugly tension. Kyle and Kim aren’t speaking. Kim and Brandi aren't speaking to me (why again?). There's this elephant in the room while everyone pretends nothing happened the last time we all had dinner together. Because I truly want us all to reach some kind of common ground, I decide to put it all out on the table. I'm hoping if we can all listen and hear each other, we can have some understanding and possibly salvage what's left of this vacation.
On that note, I apologize to Kim about how I handled the question of her sobriety. For some reason, she doesn't seem to want to accept that. Now Brandi is accusing me of calling her an alcoholic. I don't recall ever saying that. I have said (based on behavior I have witnessed at my home and other places) that she tends to get mean and sloppy when she drinks. Apparently this is the first time she's heard this? Okaaaay. We go around and around and more nasty things are said, and I just personally can’t go there anymore. I stated my case, clearly and concisely. I honestly don't know what else I can say or do. I’m done.
I was very surprised that Brandi suggested that we say something nice about each woman. It was a very kind gesture on her part. However, it all still feels a little strange. Am I the only one having an out of body experience here?
At the end of the evening, the bizarre behavior continues. Brandi and Lisa V. are goofing around. Brandi tries to kiss Lisa V. and, for some reason, ends up slapping her across the face. Granted, it wasn’t a hard slap (thank God), but I do understand why Lisa V. feels a line has been, once again, crossed.
This is truly the most exhausting, emotionally draining vacation I've ever experienced. I am ready to go home to my family and find some peace and clarity. Hopefully.