We pick up in Amsterdam where we left off last week. I had decided to just stay clear of Brandi, because we had enough problems so far and I knew the possibilities that awaited me if I were to continue engaging with her. The next day I went to visit Yolanda in her room. While I appreciated her wanting me to fix things with Kim, it just is not that simple. It’s difficult to get advice from someone who really doesn’t have the complete story. Frankly, I wanted to try to enjoy my time in beautiful Amsterdam and I knew that trying to fix things on this trip was impossible. This “fight” isn’t an isolated incident. There is way too much baggage to explain to someone that is not family. I think it’s hard for someone like Yolanda to understand not just wanting to “patch” things up, because she and her brother have a fun, easy going relationship. They are very fortunate. That doesn’t mean Kim and I don’t love each other. I love my sister very much and wish things were different. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to take a step back.
I was surprised when Eileen informed me that Lisa R, Kim, Brandi, and Lisa V went shopping together. I wish it was that easy for me to just pretend. I wanted to repair things, but it would have been disingenuous at that time. A little space is what Eileen and I needed. While I of course love shopping, I really wanted to do the real touristy things like visiting the beautiful museums. Yes, of course I make jokes here and there about the art, but it really is beautiful.
Later that night on the boat, everything seemed so fake. Yes, I wanted to be able to put everything aside, and many times I can, but I simply needed more time. When Brandi went around the table and said Lisa V slept with half of LA, insinuated Lisa R has an eating disorder, and called Eileen a home wrecker, it was her way of taking a “back door” jab at all of us. Whenever Brandi says something damaging about someone's character or reputation, she says she is joking. She just wants to put it out there and hope people believe those “jokes.” I was spared because Eileen cut Brandi off when she said, “Don’t call me a home wrecker. Don’t put that out there.” I can only imagine what was in store for me. Kim was quick to defend Brandi saying she was joking. However, none of us were laughing.
When Brandi started going off on me again with her verbal attacks, I just wanted to say what I was feeling and walk away from her. Brandi seems annoyed when she tells me she is “stuck in the middle” of Kim and me. She is in the middle because she is constantly putting herself in the middle where she doesn’t belong. Why doesn't she remove herself and let me and my sister try to work things out instead of constantly being in her ear trying to turn against me? She keeps saying that she is her friend and has been there for Kim. What exactly has she done for her? Kim was angry with me the first night in Amsterdam for not defending her, but she has yet to defend me with Brandi. Not once. Here was another chance, but she sat quietly until I left the table.
Later we sat at the dinner table and Brandi suggested we all say something nice about each other. Well, this should be interesting. I was thinking that there couldn’t be a worse time to do this, but hey…I will go along with it. It was very awkward at first, and I think we were all emotionally drained. I couldn’t help but notice when Lisa and I spoke about each other and when Kim and I spoke to each other, Brandi didn’t seem thrilled with us seeming to actually care about each other. When Lisa R told Kim, "I love you,” I thought I would fall off my chair. In a town where people throw the “L” word around way too freely, I have always felt that love is a strong word. Reserved for people we truly love and care about. I think Lisa was perhaps just trying to fix things between her and Kim, but it certainly felt out of place.
When it finally came time for Brandi to hear what we had to say about her, she just couldn’t hear it. Like I said in my interview, I don’t think she always likes herself all that much. In that moment, I felt bad for Brandi. Then, just when I started feeling sympathetic towards her, she goes and slaps Lisa V. Another “joke” at someone else’s expense. The evening before I was chastised for touching her arm while talking to her. Also, earlier on the boat, she said that my touching people while I talked to them was the same as hitting them! Is this the same person that went on and on last week about hypocrisy? She may want to look up the definition.
While our time in Amsterdam was filled with some crazy moments, I just have to say what a beautiful place it is. Absolutely stunning. I can’t wait to go back…with Mauricio.
Until next week…