WOW, what a journey. I have such mixed emotions now that it’s finally coming to an end. I’m really looking forward to seeing the Reunion, and I look forward to spending the summer with people I truly love to be around.
After coming back from the trip to Austin, I was emotionally exhausted and disappointed in myself. I was still beating myself up for not being able to control my behavior. It was a really rough two weeks after Austin, and going into the Byron Nelson, I wasn’t looking forward to having to reface what I’d done. But I knew I had to go and face it, because if I didn’t then I wasn’t learning to grow and become a truthful, stronger person.
Some great things came from this show. I have found a NEW PASSION! I’ve had several lessons on how to be a really great speaker, and I’ve taken some speech writing classes. I recently gave a speech at the DFW Ultimate Women’s Expo and I stuck to the title of "Labels." I loved being able to speak alongside such women as Kandi Burruss, Kim Fields and Vicki Lawrence. It was great to see a room full of women that, hopefully, felt empowered by my story and encouraged. I have several other speaking engagements lined up for the summer, and I’m hoping that this fall things really pick up. Going on the speaking circuit is something I’m very excited about and I’m truly looking forward to empowering, motivating, inspiring and uplifting people.
I couldn’t be happier with how the meeting went with Real News PR. The entire group has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. They have guided me in the right direction and helped me in ways that I never even considered as far as becoming a speaker. They are booking speaking engagements for me left and right and I am so grateful!
Going into the Byron Nelson party, I honestly just didn’t want to face these girls again. I didn’t want to go back into an environment with people who had created such a difficult experience for me. You know, it baffles me that these girls STILL won’t accept that Marie betrayed me. They would rather be okay with Marie and her betrayal, but not okay with me and my behavior. Listen, I’m not okay with my behavior either, but I guarantee you, if Marie betrayed any one of them, they’d be feeling the same way I was feeling.
When I walked in and saw Marie being so welcomed by all the girls, I felt distant and sad. I felt like Marie was so accepted into their group and once again I’m not. I’ve felt like this the entire season. There’s been a divide and I’m never welcome to play in their little immature club. To be honest with you, I’m okay with that because I don’t want to be immature. Every time I let my guard down and act immaturely, it creates so much hell for me. I’m going to continue to grow, continue to work on myself and I’m going to continue to be an AUTHENTIC human being. I want to be honest with my feelings, my words and be direct with everything that I do in my life.
Ugh. My conversation with Cary…Let me just state a few things.
First of all, I did not START the rumor about Cary and her marriage. That rumor has been going around Dallas for the LAST 10 YEARS. It’s been going around since before Mark got divorced and before Cary annulled her second marriage. Cary is constantly calling me a bully, but let me point something out, Cary: I stand up for myself. Standing up for oneself is not being a bully. A bully attacks someone for no reason. A bully attacks someone because they want to create harm. I NEVER want to create harm. I have never started a single fight this season, except for when I yelled at Marie which, by the way, took awhile for me to forgive myself for. So you know what? I’m not a bully. Stop calling me a bully. You’re right, Cary. Next time, I will come to you every time there’s a problem. So my suggestion is for you to get REAL PEACE in yoga because every time I have a problem or question that involves you, I’m going to bring it straight to your doorstep.
Please listen carefully to what I’m about to say regarding my love life.
If you think that we are not married because he has chosen not to ask me, you all have another thing coming. We are not engaged to be married because I’m not ready to be engaged. It isn’t a one-way street. It’s a two-way street. You all keep putting this blame on him, but you’ve all got it wrong. The blame is on me. It’s taken a long time for me to believe deep in my soul that Rich will never leave me, and you know what? I think a proposal is in the works, and I think he wants it to be a romantic thing. I love that he is probably one of the most romantic husbands on this show besides Aaron, and I’m blessed.
Moving forward from the drama of this season, I’m really just focusing on my life and what I want to do with it. I have started building a company with two of my friends, so I’ll be focusing on that. I’ll be writing my memoirs, continuing to have my inspirational blog that tries to inspire people every day. I’m working on becoming a better public speaker and doing what I love, which is being in a room full of people and uplifting them. To me, every time you give, you get in return. My whole goal in life is to continually share all of my blessings with others. I want to share because I know that new blessings will come. Life is about being grateful for your blessings. I sit here today at the end of this season grateful for so many blessings in my life and grateful for the opportunity to learn and become a better person.
Cary doesn’t like me because I’m real, honest and blunt and that irritates Cary beyond her capacity to stand it. This is why Cary calls me fake and has started this mob mentality with Stephanie and Brandi. I feel sorry for Stephanie and Brandi, because they’re never going to be able to open their eyes and see who Cary really is. Maybe in the future, Cary will give me a chance to really sit down and get to know her. I’m certainly going to take the opportunity.
Thank you so much for watching and going on this journey with us. Through all of our ups and downs, I wanted to show you all of me; not just the good, not just the funny. I wanted you all to see the messy parts, the broken and the hurt parts that I am continuing to work on. I want you all to know that I am only human and I’m going to fall again, but I’m also going to pick myself up again.
God bless and have a FABULOUS SUMMER!!