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Wow, cannot believe it’s been a year since you knew what we have all been up to. With that, I know that everyone is dying to know what happened betweenStephanie Hollman and myself.
First, let me start out by saying I love Stephanie Hollman. She will always have a special place in my heart and a bond that I know I could never replace. Our relationship was inseparable for over 10 years to almost a fault. We put each other first over our marriages in a lot of ways. I let things escalate between us. I tried to speak to her but she wasn’t hearing me. I was upset that she didn’t understand what she did wrong when I was continuing to hurt. I walked around like a zombie for weeks and finally decided to put up a wall and not let her in. Would she hear me now, would she miss me, would she care? Well, I will say that at Mark's party, I saw she did care, I was speechless and hurting but I didn’t want to make a scene at his party. I felt uncomfortable in front of the group of ladies - and some I just met.
AWKWARD!!! I did not want LeeAnne Locken to speak for me, nor get involved. I knew I didn’t want to speak to Stephanie with aggression because I know she doesn’t handle communicating that way. I knew if and when I speak to her that it would be with compassion and heartfelt. I also had the feeling of being replaced by Cary Deuber. I by no means replaced Stephanie with anyone. In fact, I kept my feelings bottled up for the most part to my direct family.
Now to discuss the text, Stephanie sending the text was, in my opinion, a way of protecting me. I knew that LeeAnne and Cary had hung out, so why would Stephanie say Cary said that "LeeAnne was up to her old tricks again"? It made me think, that Cary had been saying negative things about LeeAnne. I know LeeAnne is trying to be this better person. So it seemed like a red flag. I honestly did not want anyone to get involved with the falling out between Stephanie and I. Watching, I can see where Cary was trying to stay out of it and LeeAnne stay in it, by speaking for me and bringing it up with Cary.
The text was something I wanted to bring up to LeeAnne, and by asking her not to bring it up at Marks party was clearly because the night is about Mark, not the ladies. This is also why I chose to not speak to Stephanie because it’s about Mark. I knew that if I did I would make a scene. I had that lump in my throat that you feel when you’re about to break down so I chose not to speak. I did look at her and knew she was hurting, too. It was breaking my heart. When I finally decided to leave, I could barely get out the door without letting it all out. It's like a break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend and then you see them and all those feelings come back…
Not having Stephanie in my life made my relationship with Bryan and my family stronger. We traveled as families and spent time together verses with our husbands. However, I missed her and seeing her for the first time, brought back all of those feelings that I had bottled up.
I’m telling you, what a rollercoaster of emotions, stay tuned for next week and thank you for inviting us into your homes again.
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