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Cary: I Hope Mark Finds the Courage To Let Me Go

"There’s definitely been a growing irritation coming from Mark because he senses that he’s no longer automatically my number one," says the #RHOD nurse. 

By Cary Deuber
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I’m learning a lot about courage this year. Courage to stand up for yourself and for what you believe in; to be there for your friends; to keep your cool when people are against you; to make time for what matters and ignore what doesn’t.

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Courage, I’ve learned, can often be confused with confidence. It’s about unconditionally committing to a choice even if you’re afraid. Confidence, on the other hand, is a looser faith or certainty in your ability to do something depending on the situation at hand. So, which one is more important, and how do they relate to right and wrong? That’s one of the tough questions that I find I’m asking myself, again and again, this year.
Secretly, I had always wanted to get body painting done. So, you can only imagine how excited I was for the invite to Steph’s Halloween party. I immediately knew I wanted to be a tiger and worked out all the details backward from there! I’m confident in my own body and knew it would be fun, but… How could I make that fit the theme of “bad romance”? I know it was kind of a stretch for the party’s unique theme, but hey! Maybe Mark could be Roy Horn (of Siegfried and Roy), and I’m Manticore, the tiger. Whatever. At the end of the day, I was determined to show up in body paint, and if you can, you should! Finding the right balance of confidence and courage is key.

So, was it courage or confidence, right or wrong? Maybe everything we do has elements of each? Look at the Halloween party: 2 Face shows up in a costume clearly intended to mock and incite the host - now that takes balls! Confidence through the roof. BUT, I think just about any rational person would say that it’s wrong. 

On the other hand, you have a gracious host refusing to take the bait & give a negative reaction when prodded. Think about the courage it takes to ignore someone who accepted an invite only to overtly mock you… in your own house. I’m sure that just about everyone would say good for you!

Before I married Mark, I’m not sure I could have shown up at a party dressed like I was (essentially NOT dressed), but I have much more confidence today than when I was younger. I work hard to take care of myself and my body, and I’m proud of it. I’m also confident in my relationship with Mark that I can be out there like that in front of other people without jealousy or annoyance. We give each other so much strength, and that mutual confidence is what makes us such a great team.

Thinking about finding that balance, I can already tell that this year is going to present big challenges for me. Zuri is starting to grow into such an amazing person with such a wonderful personality. She’s so eager to learn and experience new things, and I want to be there for her. I don’t want to miss anything. So, balancing work and home is definitely going to be harder than ever. I mean, you can’t “confidence” your way through motherhood, so it looks like I’m going to have to round up some courage to make a few changes at work…. But could this affect the balance I already have with my husband?

Up to this point in my life, I have been so focused on my career and put all of my energy into being the best nurse and surgical first assistant I could be. As the focus of Mark’s practice has shifted from reconstructive to aesthetic surgery, I have transitioned to a more prominent role in that type of practice, developing my skills as both an injector and a patient coordinator. On top of that, I’ve also been partnering with Mark to help develop and fine tune the marketing side of our business! Like it or not, digital media developments have become essential in staying relevant in a very competitive aesthetic surgery landscape. That’s why Mark and I decided to create a series of video segments. From pure education to more of the fun side, these clips are featured on our website and circulated out to social media platforms to show the world what we do & let everyone get to know their plastic surgeon and nurse.

It’s not all perfect, though. As the year continues, I feel there’s definitely been a growing irritation with me coming from Mark because he senses that he’s no longer automatically my number one. I’m starting to gradually back off of work, and he’s definitely not happy about it. My hope is that he finds the courage to let me go a bit with work and be confident that I will still be his “ride or die” partner in this journey of life. It’s intimidating for me too! But I know how important it is to be a present parent, and I’m more than confident that my family will benefit most from that action. So, I must find the courage to stay my course and follow through with re-balancing my life. It’s going to be the most important thing I do yet.

Cary Deuber

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