Howdy, y’all!! Who’s ready to jump back in the saddle and RIDE THIS PONY?!! Well, here we go so hold on tight!
Welcome to my zen life! At the end of the reunion last year, I mentioned that I was going to continue my journey to be a more peaceful person and more in control of my RE-actions towards aggressive behavior. To this end, I discovered that there is a part of the brain called the amygdala.
Why does the amygdala CONTROL my response? Because it is the “Flight, Fight or Freeze” self-preservation trigger. When your amygdala kicks in, the entire rest of your brain shuts down! All blood flow goes to your amygdala so that you can be in control of your safety. Why is mine so QUICK to respond? Simple. Because I was tortured as a child, my amygdala (normally the size of an almond) grew exponentially. This is NOT an excuse for my behavior - I am still responsible - it simply explains WHY I react the way I do! What I learned was that the amygdala made CONTROLLING my BEHAVIOR impossible. However, I discovered that by shrinking my amygdala, I could learn to respond in a different and more well-controlled manner.
I have to say, watching someone who calls herself my “best friend” laugh like a wicked witch at my attempts to better myself is not very funny. In fact, it’s downright hurtful. Let me first correct you - I have ALWAYS taken responsibility for my actions THAT IS WHY WE WERE AT THE YOGA CENTER! Now as for you making the disgusting statement “that’s not your amygdala, it’s you”, well that just shows you her utter lack of intelligence! She claims to be a “voracious” reader… Maybe she should Google a bit before she opens her big mouth!
Every year I want to make an attempt to have better relationships with every member of our circle, especially Cary Deuber! I have done a tremendous amount of damage that I realize is difficult for her to forgive. So asking her to sit down with me AND for another attempt at friendship was without a question something that deeply mattered to me! If you look back to Season 2, the dog park was last years’ attempt. All I can do this year is go in with the knowledge of what has not worked in the past and try something NEW!
I felt like every year up to now, when Cary and I sat down to talk it has always had elements of fake conversations, just trying to get through the moment so that we could each just get away from each other. If we didn’t attempt to get away quickly, we fell into a tit for tat and one-upmanship that we took to a whole ‘nother level. This year, realizing that QUICKLY responding to her wasn’t getting me where I wanted to be, I tried a NEW APPROACH! I listened! And what I heard for the first time made me feel like we had a REAL SHOT at connecting! I am so thrilled for the NEW Cary and her NEW no BS attitude! This is all I have ever wanted.
Can I just say how much I giggle watching Rich choke on his water in the car! He is the silliest and most fun fiancé ever! Now onto the party… Watching D’Andra ACT like she knows something is wrong in our household when so much is wrong in hers is utterly ridiculous! I mean, her mother did just say she was engaged FOURTEEN times at this party!
When I got to my table every single friend was like, “OMG LOOK!” I was happy to see Stephanie Hollman sitting at my table because I knew that this would be probably my one and only chance to sit next to Stephanie and have an opportunity for her to see that I am just a broken human trying to make my way. I thought, “Just be you LeeAnne! Be silly, sweet and most of all funny!” So that's what I did! Thankfully, for the first time in three years, it worked! OMG!
I am now going to #KillBill is what I was thinking when he starting messing with me & Rich at the party! LOL. Bill is one of the most fun people in the city, so it did not surprise me that he wanted to pick on me just a bit cause he has always liked a strong woman who can hand it right back to him!
Let me be clear….. NOTHING is stalling my wedding and just because you say it doesn’t make it so. We are CHOOSING to take our time and enjoy the journey towards a forever life together. Why is D’Andra spending so much time worrying about my relationship? Could it be because she doesn’t want to face what’s going on in her own relationships? I wonder…
Until next week, bang your bowl and find your zen and I’ll see back here next week!
Get a sneak peek at the next episode now: