The time has come to say goodbye! This may be the last blog I write for RHWODC (unless there is anything I just have to add next week)! I had to add a couple of quotes to this blog too.
I moved to USA with my daughters to support Charles' career in 2008 and accepted the offer to appear on this show having absolutely no idea what was going to happen on any level. I had never heard of the show as I rarely watch TV! I'm a music girl and prefer writing usually. It was Charles' boss that recommended I went for it when she put me forward, and of course I would never have accepted if he wasn't behind the idea. Also FYI Charles was taken off covering the White House in January PRIOR to filming as Newsweek could no longer afford to cover it along with Time magazine. That was one reason she recommended the show, good promotion of his incredible talent! So his job at the WH was not affected by the show. That's BS.
I truly loved him very much, he completely broke my heart, and it's taken me months to rebuild any confidence. Without airing our dirty laundry on this blog, no one would be able to imagine in their wildest dreams what was really going on behind the scenes or what major issues there were from the start with our marriage. Our divorce was inevitable, and once again I had to put my daughters' happiness first, then my own, in order to be free, which took a huge amount of courage and strength I wasn't sure I had at the time. He DID NOT leave me, I asked him to leave until he could behave like a responsible adult around the children. It was like jumping off a cliff into the emptiness. But I did it, because I had to for the children's sake first and foremost.
I NEVER blamed the show for my impending divorce FYI. If we had a strong marriage, we could have worked through everything. I supported Charles in everything he did, it sadly just wasn't mutual.
"To look back is a task. It is like re-entering a trap, or a Labyrinth, from which one has only too lately, and too narrowly, escaped." Louise Bogan (1897-1970) American poet and critic.
FYI there was no misunderstanding about why I was uninvited to the WH Christmas party. I spoke to the WH myself so all those that bang on and on about how it was because of my Sarah Palin dress up, or because Charles was embarrassed, or I was rude, blah blah blah -- you are all wrong. We know why. I have had the good fortune to be invited before for the Christmas party and have been to the WH many times. Thankfully, good nearly always comes out of bad, and I was able to fly my 74 year old father (who is my hero!) out to take my place. It was so amazing for him to have that experience in his life time. He loved meeting the President and still holds the picture in his wallet to show all his friends in the UK! You can watch him getting ready in this bonus clip.
The reason I agreed to do the show was to promote my book "Inbox Full" and to help pay for the girls' education. It is the most important thing in my life that I can give to them. Not to be famous with all the good, bad, and terrible that comes with that. I have been their main provider for many years, and if I can give them the best schooling I can so that they have a better future when they leave the nest, then I've reached my main objective as a parent. "Inbox Full" will come out, when I'm happy with it and not before, regardless of what the press says about the reasons it isn't available yet !
I learned so much about myself during this whole experience. Not only was my marriage doomed, but I had already signed up for the show. I was lonely, frustrated, bored, starved of adult interaction, home sick, and deeply unhappy and yes, many were right in their observations that it showed in my behavior sometimes. Between that and losing a very dear friend half way into the season, it was without a doubt the most challenging time of my life, and it was written on my face! Although the past few months have been a massive struggle, I look years younger now, and that’s not through Botox! I don't have knots in my shoulders 24/7 either. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
Just to recap on a few points. Again as it seems many still haven't seen the bigger picture from me.
Charles was not invited to Aunt Francis'. I left him with my girls under much strain. I did eat the food and did not leave early. I arrived on time, nearly two hours before some of the others, and had a long drive ahead of me before cooking for MY family dinner. When I said, "It wasn't my scene," that was taken out of context. Thanks, editors! I never felt uncomfortable, I was just going through absolute hell at home and couldn't switch off and enjoy myself knowing what was ahead of me that night. Stacie found out months later what extreme pressure I was under, appeared to empathize, yet I was saddened to read she still chose to bash me about that scene in her blog again, rather than say it to me. When I first moved to London my next door neighbors were a black family. We hung out all the time, in fact still keep in touch now. They didn't have one single white friend, and when people used to walk into their home and see me there, they were as shocked as hell -– we all laughed about it. So me being uncomfortable in an ALL BLACK HOME -– all I can say is BOLLOCKS! LOL!
Also she mentioned how it was "uncool" for me to cry in front of my children. We are all human. Showing emotion is a natural thing, and I believe on certain occasions (which for me are rare), that it is far more healthy to do so, rather than suppressing it all, rather than teaching children that it's not okay to cry in life. I think that is extremely unhealthy. Lets not forget, I was struggling to even get out of bed some days with sadness at the collapse of my marriage (across the Atlantic away from all my loved ones) but as always trying to put on a brave face. Pain, which unless you have been through divorce, with children involved too, I think is unreasonable to judge.
The fact that I appear to come across strong is my own defense, and it back fires frequently as nobody thinks I feel pain. My own fault.
I believe I have done a pretty good job bringing up my girls so far. They are my world. They shine. I'm so proud of them and by the comments many of you have written, you agree, so thank you!
Firstly when it comes to gratitude, other than being blessed to have my wonderful girls and my family and loyal friends all over the world, I want to thank my fellow cast mates here.
Lynda for her incredible, unwavering support and her love throughout the past year and all she has done for me in helping put "humpy dumpty back together again." We once talked and laughed for three and a half hours together over the phone, for example, and still hadn't run out of things to say! I loved her the moment I met her. We must have had past lives together.
Mary -- Adore her! Thanks for so many laughs as well as tears. It has been a great blessing to get to know her and share this crazy experience and journey with her. Another dear friend for life, one that I could call on in the middle of the night.
Stacie -- although we got off to a rocky start, and looking back I wish she had told me to my face how she felt. Then I could have understood sooner that I was being offensive, which was never my intention. I have grown very fond of Stacie, even though we are quite different, we have actually got many things in common. If Erika hadn't been around her the entire time, I think we would have gotten to enjoy each others company, while appreciating our differences, sooner for sure.
Paul. What a breath of fresh air you have been to my life! So many fun times and thank you for "getting" me from the start, since I know I'm an acquired taste! You are a one off and your mother is an awesome lady, which speaks volumes too!
I also really want to thank all the fabulous crew along with the producers that I spent so much time with. They looked after me, my girls, and even my dogs so well! Above all to Matt, who has been my rock, and Jen. Without them both I would have ended up being taken off in a straight jacket a couple of weeks into filming! And I’m sure many viewers would have been happy! Some of the hair and makeup women what can I say? OMG! See end of blog comment, says it all.
No idea what the future holds, but I want to thank all those who have written in with support, love, and serious food for thought about my big mouth. I have been humbled, big time, by you all for taking the time to let me know your thoughts. Some made me laugh, some made me sad, some made me feel sick, but all triggered my mind. Something for the grandchildren to read one day!
It's an extremely surreal experience being dissected for every word or look one makes in five months (or doesn't but it looks like), but I think the basis of all our true characters came out in the wash.
Funniest comment all season for me?
"If you find love in your heart, your husband will come back." LOL! Please, NO!
"Most people seem to be interested in turning their dreams into reality. Then there are those who turn their reality into dreams. I belong to the latter group." Allen Say (b.1937) Chinese born American writer.
Funniest comment in relation to that:
BY CRABTREEACRES on 10/16/2010 at 8:52pm
"cat looked like a ukrainian washerwoman after a hard slavic winter in the series but in the reunion show, she was actually attractive! was it the lighting or the prospect of happiness brought on by her impending divorce...?"
Most bizarre, twisted, unreal comment of the season?
"We are all jealous of Michele." ???...
Goodbye everyone! With love and best wishes from the rude, ill mannered, impolite but genuinely well meaning and working on herself Brit. I do LOVE America and all the fabulous people I have been so lucky to meet. Keep in touch and most of all THANK YOU so much for having me! XXX
Here you will be able to read random snippets of "Inbox Full" and hear when the book will be released. Make sure you have no plans when you start it, as its a real page turner and will make you laugh and cry!
Also, I'm updating and uploading a selection of my interiors projects gradually.
Just getting the hang of it slowly!