Housewives Gone Wild - Ep 7

Just in time for Halloween we have the ladies all in costume -- skimpy, sexy lingerie costumes, but costumes nonetheless. And as we learn from the title of the episode, Bras and Brawls Part 1, we've got a two-part masterpiece on our hands. And no, you don't need to wait until next Thursday for Part 2, because -- surprise! -- it's premiering this Sunday. It's that good. So while you're carving pumpkins, doling out candy, or riding a broom over to your friend's Halloween rager this weekend, enjoy all the costume party chaos.

Oh and Elsa dances again in this episode. What more could you want?

Lea meets with some of the ladies to talk about her gala, but it basically devolves into her pleading with the girls to put aside their issues  for the night of her event. You can hear a slight tinge of terror in her voice, the sound of true concern. Why? Because at the top of the Housewives Greatest Fears list is other Housewives fighting at their event. These ladies are always very sensitive about the location of altercations, so Lea is (understandably) hoping to avoid a scene at her charity gala.

Though I can't help but think that asking people for no drama is inviting even more drama.

Prediction: Asking the Housewives not to fight is a tall order, but who knows? If only Lisa had the foresight to request everyone keep their issues at bay for her lingerie soiree...Luckily Lisa's house can also double as a photo shoot venue as well so that Joanna could do her PETA shoot in Miami. The theme -- merkins. Well not really, it was "grow your own fur," but that's pretty much what the shoot involved. Watching Joanna thrust her pelvis at everyone (including the dog) with giant chunks of hair spilling out from her undergarments was, well, probably not something I ever expected to see. But I definitely don't feel like donning a fur anytime soon, so mission accomplished!

Line of the night: "How many people can say they styled Joanna Krupa's vagina?"

Prediction: More lingerie, less body hair to come. (I know that was kind of a cop out since there's a lingerie party coming.)

And from merkins we move to Marysol in her family fur as she pays a visit to Elsa before Lisa's party. And Elsa is in fine form. First she accuses Marysol of letting a cat sleep on the fur, which she inherited from her grandmother. Then Elsa dons some sort of feathered cap, grabs her fan, and gives us some super fabulous dance moves. It was like an answer to my prayers. If the coffee business doesn't take off, I think Elsa should consider opening a dance school.

Elsa also gives Marysol some sass when she asks who gave her alcohol. I'm with Elsa on this one, she can totally plead the fifth. Let the woman enjoy some wine and dance around in her "chicken feathers"!

Prediction: Two times is a pattern, so more Elsa moves! And hopefully more chicken feathers. On to lingerie and Joe Francis. So Lea enters arm in arm with Joe Francis and James (otherwise known as Elaine Lancaster). Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Girls Gone Wild creator lets drop that he's, well, intimately familiar with both Joanna and Marta. Just as unsurprisingly, as soon as he reveals this it gets back to Joanna. Not good. We've already seen what happens when somebody irritates Joanna after a few drinks. Suddenly movie theater blow job accusations are flying around, all in front of Romain. I don't know about you, but I was on the edge of my seat waiting for it to escalate to a beefcake brawl between Joe and Romain. Luckily it didn't come to that (although I have to admit it would have been kind of sexy watching Romain throwing the bathrobe aside and defending Joanna).

Then Joanna regroups with Marta. Marta, Marta, Marta... when Joanna asks her whether she slept with Joe Francis her answer is a stream of giggles. Whoops! Note to self, always make sure the person your defending is indeed innocent. Alternatively just make sure your sister knows if you've slept with Joe Francis.

Prediction: Something tells me Joe Francis has probably slept with half the attendees of the party, so more scandalous revelations? We can only hope we learn about more odd spots that he's hooked up in. Next week it turns into a veritable merry-go-round of fighting and yes, the slap you've been waiting for all season finally occurs.