My Struggles with Miscarriages

Watching this episode and discussing it with my husband was especially hard for me and at times painful to watch. The fertility issues that we have had to deal with over the last several years have been trying and reminders, like this episode, are tough. I have since become very aware that so many other couples face these same challenges. We never thought that starting a family would be so difficult, and we were really unprepared for this journey.  We never thought that we would need to seek the help of a fertility expert or some of the other treatments that we have done in the hopes of making our dream of a family a reality.

During our ordeal many of our friends have casually asked us innocently enough, "So when are you going to start a family?"  They were just being nice, but every time I heard it, I cringed, because I just did not want to be reminded.  Many had theories like I was too small or too thin, and although I know it was not said maliciously, it made me feel self-conscious nonetheless.  I know that I am a very healthy person who eats well and maintains a healthy exercise program, but when people talk, it brings up self-doubt.

I had called my husband insensitive, because sometimes I feel hurt when I see him so upset that he has not fulfilled his desire to have a child. I know he supports me and everything that I am going through.
 
Now let’s talk about some other people.

Romain was clearly and rightfully upset about the drama at Mynt. He reminded Joanna that she cannot handle her alcohol and should have stayed away from it on his big night. Clearly this is not the first incident with vodka and our Polish princess, and probably not the last… It seems she is not what I would call a "happy drunk." Romain also seemed to blame Marta, although she did nothing wrong that night, and in my opinion tried to calm Joanna down. I think she is just a casualty of Romain's anger.We get another glimpse into the couple’s relationship troubles when Joanna explains to her sister she got a phone call about Romain and a Mynt dancer making out in the club. I find it hard to believe that Romain would do that in his own club, when it would of course get back to Joanna. It seems like trust is a factor in their relationship. Trust is number one in my relationship, and if Lenny and I didn't have that, our relationship would not survive.

Adriana was the subject matter of a sexy shoot with a well-known artist she looks up to. It’s flattering to be the inspiration for a great artist and his collection. I have had the pleasure of being the muse for a very talented and well known artist by the name of Tomasz Rut. His neo-classical artwork is showcased throughout our home. Lenny and I were invited to his studio after being introduced by a mutual friend to do a shoot for his paintings. Currently we are showcased in his collections, one of Lenny and I and two of myself. The picture of Lenny and me on my cribs video was actually a gift from Tomasz on our wedding.It was evident Adriana was apprehensive about getting nude for the shoot. Again, I can relate, because I made the decision long ago to shoot for Playboy magazine. I was very young and at that time and I didn't realize that these pictures would be accessible forever in this world of the internet and that someday my kids may see them. It is a decision I have come to regret, but when you're 23 you don't think about consequences.

Adriana’s photo turned out beautifully, I can understand why it was sold so quickly. I did agree with Karent that Lea’s comment that the work must have been bought by Adriana herself was insulting, and it did seem like a backhanded compliment. I’m no stranger to these from Lea.

It was sweet to see how excited Adriana was to meet the founder of kinetic art. I don't believe Karent wanting to have her photo taken with this man should have caused such a reaction form Adriana however. He didn't seem to be put off by it, and actually he seemed to enjoy it. He even asked Karent for a second kiss on the cheek. But this scene was the inspiration for the best comment I have heard in this social media obsessed day and age -- "She beat me to the tweet." An instant classic! Adriana did an excellent job with the Dali art exhibition. Well done, girl! I of course could not produce art like one of the greatest artists of our generation. The cameras caught me in another Lisaism… Don’t worry, there are plenty more of those to come. My husband quickly corrected my joke/Lisaism and saved me from myself when he disagreed and said, “Uh no, honey, you can't.” LOL! When I was with the ladies, I could not help but feel that this was also a bit of a bitchfest. First the talk about Marysol and her business, the red carpet incident with James/Elaine, the Karent picture taking situation and the beating her to the tweet… Conveniently all of the people being bitched out were also absent. This ticked me off, because they were not there to defend themselves. Karent took a picture with Adriana’s favorite artist whom she looked up to -- big deal! If that’s the worst thing Karent has done to someone, I would definitely want that person as my friend. And so what if she talks a lot? Who cares if she has something to say and she says it? I don't remember myself being able to get a word in edgewise at this event, because everyone seemed to have a lot to say! Pot, meet kettle!

As a good friend should, Ana made Marysol aware of the discussion about her and her business at the Dali event. I love that Ana defended her friend and looped her in right away. She obviously has her back. I don't believe in ever messing with a person’s ability to make a living or underestimating their abilities, especially if their business is based on word of mouth. It’s just not me. Ana made the comment about Lea marrying a rich guy, wondering how hard it could be. I'm here to tell you that it’s not that easy! I bet she doesn't even know the amount of books and training I had to endure just to lock Lenny down with that ball and chain. Men like Lenny and Roy are far and few between! LOL! (For anyone who doesn't understand Lisaisms, that was just one of them.)

Just like Ana, I felt it necessary to update my girls about the happenings at the Dali event. I didn’t intend to stir the pot, but I would hope they would do the same for me. After discussing the photo with kinetic artist, I learned that just as suspected, Karent’s desire to take a photo and tweet it was as innocent as could be. She learned that this artist was famous and she wanted a photo op with him. No MALICE intended. I had to let Karent know these ladies are not her best friends, and that she should stand up for herself. Karent needs that push, because she wouldn't hurt a fly.

I decided that we needed a code -- the devil horns. An obvious and obnoxious one, but a surefire way to let someone know you are on to them without saying a word. LOL! Me and my humor again. As you can see, I like to have fun and don't take all these silly situations so seriously. There was another Lisaism at the end of that conversation, when Karent said money can't buy you class and I chimed in, “But it can buy you an ass." I was being funny and have no idea where that came from. I guess what I was trying to convey is that money can buy anything, asses included in today's world! (Although mine is all mine!) But class isn't one of them! You either got it or you don't.

Karent’s scene with her mother broke my heart. Sometimes when in love, we are blind to the truth. A mother knows best, and the saying “love is blind” is so true. Karent deserves to be with a man who shares the same goals as her, to be married and have a family together.Ana and her daughters are so funny together; that relationship is wonderful. It makes me want children more than anything . There is no stronger bond.

The Winter Party Festival in Miami is basically like gay Christmas, as Ana said. I love and support my gays all the way, so I of course wouldn't miss this event. Not to mention I would not miss Joanna performing. She killed it! She was worried for no reason. This is where we found out from Marta about the 4 am phone call about Romain’s alleged cheating scandal. Those two have so much stress on their relationship, I really hope they can rise above it all and work it out. It’s going to be tough.

Let’s stay connected!

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Check out our favorite artist, Tomasz Rut, here.
And check out the painting of me called Sacra Miser in his limited editions section.