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Hi everyone! Thanks for tuning in; I hope you all enjoyed the episode. This episode was a reminder of the struggle my husband and I are dealing with. We have been trying for years (as most of you know) to start a family. Unfortunately that hasn't worked out. I've suffered a few miscarriages and failed IVF treatments. Each year we become increasingly frustrated as nothing seems to be working. Some days I try not to think about it at all, otherwise I would drive myself crazy. Other days I think that our timing is off and when God sees fit, it will happen. On a bad day I think to myself that maybe I'm not meant to have kids. I know that’s horrible and negative, but I'm human.
My husband thought that using a surrogate might be an option in helping us carry a baby to term. This really upset me at first. I always knew this was an option, but never wanted to be the one to bring it up. It was the last thing I wanted to think about or try. It upset me tremendously to think that someone else might have to carry my child. I had fears that my baby and I would not feel connected if I did not carry myself. I also had fears about what the surrogate would be doing, eating, inhaling, if she would be stressed, healthy, and safe. So many questions ran through my mind when I realized this may really happen. Not only did I have these fears, but I felt that I wasn't doing my job as a woman. I felt like I failed my husband and my unborn child. I was very negative and upset with myself for a long time.
I have finally come to terms with my situation and have a positive outlook on everything. I have amazing family, friends, and a husband who supports me all the way. I know it’s just a matter of time before we have a beautiful baby of our own. I'm willing to try anything at least once.The girls’ night out at Baoli turned into a disaster, which was not my intention at all. I truly believed I was being a good friend in trying to get everyone together. Whether the other girls believe it or not, I was not trying to stir the pot. Contrary to these women’s beliefs, there are some good people out there like myself who really want the best for my friends. I understand the role of a friend, and I take it seriously. Adriana and Lea have a very long history and they are both very stubborn, which is why I felt they needed a mutual friend to help bring them together.
At this point both Lea and Adriana had not filled me in on their meeting at Lea’s house. If I had known this, I would not have invited everyone to Baoli and would have gone about it differently. There were so many bits of information that I only discovered on this night at Baoli. Unfortunately I do not go digging into other people’s business, so I did not know of an actual marriage certificate, about the meeting at Lea’s, or any of this nonsense. Maybe if these girls were better friends they would have communicated this to me so none of this would have happened. Clearly I underestimated how upset they were with each other.
Until next time! Love communicating with all of you! Follow me and let’s stay in touch.
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