Soul Searching

Hello Everyone,

Here we are at Episode 5! It’s going so fast it seems. I hope all of you are enjoying the ride. Again, I want to say thank you to all of you who publicly approach me and extend your support, love and kindness towards me.

I have to say, I feel so blessed to meet all of you whether online, on Facebook, or in public settings. All of you bring me such happiness when I hear your stories, or your struggles, and it feels so nice to know each and everyone of you relate to some portion of my life that I have shared with you thus far. Thank you to all of the women who are standing by me and building me up, giving me their advice, and taking some from me as well. I simply go the local store for food with my daughters, and I leave with so much more. Recently, there was a wonderful group of cheerleaders, the all-star athletes group and their mom, collecting money outside Collators in my town, Wayne, and they were not only thrilled to see me, photograph with me, etc, but the best was that they really related to me, opened up to me, asked me for my advice on many things, from how I handle what’s going on, on the show, behind the scenes and behind my back, how it makes me feel, and then they tell me it’s enlightening to them that it may be happening to more of us than we think. They ask me about divorce and difficulties on relationships after divorce. They ask me to please inspire them to get back out there themselves. They want more is what they’re telling me. They tell me what great kids I have and that it’s a reflection of me, and that’s my favorite part altogether. They ask how I handle a lot of different situations. All this amounts to them telling me that I help them so much whereas, truth be told, they are the ones helping me. This is only one example but the most recent to show. And I would like to say you are the ones helping. Thank you from the depths of my heart. Thank you to all on Facebook- friends who support and love on a daily basis makes me feel so incredible. Thank you to my beautiful daughters- my world, my life, my inspiration, my best friends, my family- I love you both so, so much.

So the girls are away in A.C., and Steve finds a way to completely insult me and defy my trust. I wish someone would have told me about this when it happened instead of letting my find out this way. I don’t like the way it looks when other women enjoy the pain being caused to another woman- any woman at that. Women should build each other up and not tear each other down. Oh well. I hope it made you feel good to know that would hurt me. I would ask you to consider this: What if you were me and saw that women were laughing and enjoying your pain? Just think about it. Was it nice? I just know I would and will never do this to another woman.

As for Steve...piece of shit, you are one of the worst forms of human life I have ever met. I am looking for my soulmate - my one and only true love in life! I see now that I was definitely not going about it in the right way. I will wait and while I do, I will learn to love myself in order to be loved in return. The right man for me will come along and when he does, he will never disgrace me, never ban against me, never disrespect me and will not care where I have been or what I have done. That is wrong. He will only care about who I am now and love me unconditionally. When this happens, my heart will be safe.

Christine, you were right all along about Steve. You have some great intuition going on sweetheart. I enjoyed my birthday celebration with Jacqueline. Thanks for lunch! I am mindful of one thing in all of this, to never listen to others again. I will draw my own conclusions from here on out. In my small defense, I was being fed a buffet of B.S.! Let’s leave it at that. They all have their families in all of this and I am happy that they do, but I can only wonder this: If you didn’t, would you be able to hold yourself together as I? The next time you aim toxic behavior, be mindful, it hurts another human being.

For now, I will close in hopes you will understand; I am not attacking but pointing out a few struggles in all of this.

I think all women are wonderful. Let’s treat each other with the respect that we would want for ourselves.

Until next week,
Danielle