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An Eye Opener

Jacqueline comments on the toughest scene of the season for her to watch, the Ashley intervention.

By Jacqueline Laurita

Wow! That photo shoot for Teresa's cookbook sure looked like a lot of work. When you see the pictures in the book, it just looks like it was all done so effortlessly. I guess some things aren't always what they seem sometimes. It can be exhausting getting everyone to cooperate for a group photo especially when dealing with children. It must have been a long day for them. They seemed tired. Gia tried her best to put on a smile. She is a good sport about taking pictures, even after she's thrown up. LOL! Her kids are trained to put that smile on when that camera comes out, just like little models. After the perfect shot, they can go right back to whatever it was they were doing. I wish my kids would do that. Mine either shut their eyes, turn their heads, try to block it with their hands, or run! Unfortunately, we don't have many, if any, structured family photos. Most of our family photos are candid shots of them playing happily just doing their thing. I really do cherish those memories, and so will they someday. I like to put them in scrapbooks that I've made. When they grow up, I'm going to make copies of the scrapbooks to give to each of them. I want them to look at those pictures and remember those happy moments with a big smile on their faces like I do. Congratulations, Teresa, on the success of your new cookbook.

How to Watch

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Kathy and Richie were so cute discussing whether or not to have "the talk" with Victoria. Rich seemed like he was afraid Kathy was going to tell (or teach) Victoria something that she didn't already know, and that it might backfire because it might just sound appealing to Victoria and she may want to investigate and explore further! He couldn't even say the word. He had to spell it. (S.E.X.) I'll be honest with you, Richie, nowadays most kids by sixteen know more than we would ever be comfortable talking to them about. The internet and word of mouth can answer anything they are curious about. Maybe even too much info! You still should have that moral talk with your children. Now is the time Mr. Wakile. Kathy is right. I know it's hard to imagine your little girl growing up, but it's something out of our control. I bet Rich will feel different when it comes to that "talk" with his son. It will be more like, "Make sure you keep condoms in your wallet at all times." LOL!

I remember Ashley telling me what her friends in junior high were doing. It was shocking to me. I bought Ashley a few books on how your body changes as you grow, and it labeled all the male and female body parts. The books also explained where babies come from. I told her to read them and then to ask me anything if she still had questions. Then I made her read pamphlets I picked up from my OB/GYN, watch TV specials and movies that involved sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies, and told her sex hurts and other things like that to scare the living sh-- out of her. Then we talked about the moral side of it. (That held her off for a long while.)

Parents do what they can, but ultimately, it will be their child's personal choice when the opportunity is presented to them. All you can hope for is for them to choose wisely. Peer pressure can be tough, and that is another "talk" you need to have with your kids. You need to teach them that it is OK to be their own person and choose for themselves wisely. You don't want them to regret their decisions later.

That was such a sweet talk Kathy had with Victoria. She was speaking very softly to not embarrass her daughter. I like the points Kathy was making, and I think Victoria responded very well to them. How you dress sends a message to other people as to what vibe you are putting out there. Be careful with that message. She just wanted her daughter to be aware that if she dresses sexy, the horny guys will desire her and most likely will try to make a move. Thank God Victoria is a black belt. Hi-yaaaa! Karate chop! Kathy just wants Victoria to know that before she sends out that "I'm sexy" message that she will be able to handle the attention she will receive from it. They want to know that she is strong enough to say, "No! Back off! I'm not ready for that! Respect me!" Instead of, "Yes!Yes! Take me know! I've been dying to do it!"

I think Kathy wanted to get a feel for where Victoria's head was at this point. I think Victoria is such a great girl with a good head on her shoulders, and it seems like she is in control of herself and knows the right way to handle herself. I don't think Kathy needs to worry just yet. She's done an amazing job raising her. You can tell she is a really good girl. XOXO! By the way, I want to know which dress Victoria picked! I bet she looked gorgeous at her junior formal. I would love to see a picture from that night.

I am so proud of Melissa for having the guts to let us follow her dream of becoming a pop star. You usually only get to hear the finished product of a song and never get to see the work that goes into it. For those of you that want to hear the end product, 'On Display' is now available to buy on iTunes I personally LOVE the song and can't stop singing it. When I hear it, it makes me want to dance. Let me know what you think. 

I don't know about you guys, but watching that scene with Melissa and her sisters made me cry like a baby. To watch Melissa's face as she hears a message from her father from heaven telling her to be true to herself and stay grounded and that she will be very successful in what she is doing made me cry like a baby along with Melissa. Her father let Melissa know that he is still watching over her. Her father always believed she would be a star someday, so it was an overwhelming feeling for Melissa knowing that he was still with her and watching over her on this journey. That was beautiful! I'm sure that he is as proud of her as the rest of us. Congratulations, Melissa, on the release of your very first single.

I cried again listening to the conversation between Caroline and Lauren. It hurts me as it does Caroline to hear that Lauren doesn't feel like she is beautiful. She is beautiful to all that know her. I wish she could feel it too. I think every woman secretly picks herself apart. We notice more flaws about ourselves than other people notice or even care about. It's our nature. Everybody has a different view on what they find beautiful. There is no perfect look that everyone agrees with. Some like blondes, some prefer brunettes, some like skinny, some like muscular or fuller bodied, some like big boobs, some prefer a bigger butt, some like tall, some like short, some like lighter skin, some like darker skin, some like long hair, some like short hair. I could go on and on! There is beauty in EVERYONE! You have to feel it within yourself. Easier said than done, I know. We all need to work on believing in ourselves and stop judging others. I truly believe that every time you make fun of the way another person looks, it makes you look a little uglier. Try to remember that the next time you are pointing a finger at someone else and making fun of the way they look that there will most likely be another person behind you pointing a finger your way.

So now you have met Ashley's birth father, my ex-husband, Matt, and his beautiful wife, Jodi. They are both really good people, and they have a great family. They have four boys between them plus Ashley. We all have an amazing relationship with each other. We work together to figure out the best way to guide Ashley. We bounce ideas off of each other often. I was so happy to have them finally come out for a visit/intervention. I will try to get Ashley to listen to anybody that can get through to her, since she doesn't listen to guidance from me. Ashley ADORES her father if you haven't noticed. (Of course she adores Chris as well.) It makes me feel so good to see how happy she gets when she spends time with Matt and Jodi. We had a blast when they were out here visiting from Texas, until...well... you know.

I'm about to address the most difficult scene of this season for me to watch. I can barely watch it. It's tough opening our lives up to you like this, but we signed up to be honest with our audience. We learn a lot from watching ourselves. I have to say though, it was an eye opener for the both of us. I'm hoping for Ashley and I to gain a better understanding of each other and also learn a little something about ourselves. As a mother, you love your children SO MUCH that you want to give them the best of everything and want to guide them through the easiest route in life by avoiding some of the obstacles that you've already learned your way around. It's painful to see your child hurting. You want to save them from themselves sometimes and from doing things that you know could harm them. You want your child to believe in you and respect you for what you already know. It doesn't always work that way.

When I tell Ashley how hard I have worked and the sacrifices I have made in my life to give us both a good life, it is NOT to rub that in her face as if she had burdened me with that. NOT AT ALL! I CHOSE my path in life and I wouldn't have had it ANY other way. I would make the SAME choices ALL OVER AGAIN to have my daughter and give her the best life I could. My point in telling Ashley that was being misunderstood or mis-communicated to her. What I want from Ashley is to just APPRECIATE me and RESPECT me for doing it! THAT'S IT! I want her to be PROUD of me for what I've done in my life, and not look down on me for it. I want her to hold me in as high regard as she does her father. I want her to love me and appreciate me for giving the both of us what we've had throughout the years. Ashley was NO MISTAKE. Ashley is EXACTLY why I WANTED to work the way I did. She grounded me. She was what kept me going. She is who I looked forward to spending my time with. I WANTED that life with her, I DON'T begrudge her for it. I'm thinking now that may be what Ashley was thinking this whole time and where some of her anger may have been coming from. I hope she realizes now how much I have ALWAYS loved her and have NEVER regretted the decision I made to "keep her," as she put it.  

I think that's why my heart broke when Ashley made the comment that at least she didn't have a kid at twenty. I took it like she was IMPLYING I was a loser for that, and that she looks down on me for not going further with a career in my own life, and that was why she doesn't respect me as a person and never accepts my advice or guidance, because she thinks I have no experience or right to give it. Maybe it's my own insecurities, but it deeply hurt my feelings to hear her say it. I want her to be proud of who I am, just like how she probably feels that she wants me to be proud of who she is. Guess what, Ashley, I AM proud of you! Ashley has MANY special qualities. I tell her ALL the time. She is creatively gifted, intelligent, funny, beautiful, and has a strong personality that can be used to her advantage. I want HER to see that and do something good with it.

Moving to California sounds wonderful. I would love to move there too someday. I just want Ashley to be realistic in her plans and make some attainable short-term goals to help her reach her long term goals. I know that if Ashley goes to California on her own at this point in time, she is going to learn some hard lessons FAST! It's not as easy as she thinks. We will worry about her as parents, but maybe that is just what Ashley needs. Maybe the only way for Ashley to learn is through her own experiences. What do you think? Should we let her go? Tough love?

I know when you choose to be a parent, you take on a certain obligation as a parent to supply your children with their specific needs. My point is that I think, as parents, we have gone above and beyond that "obligation." We have gone WAY above and beyond what is considered "an obligation" as parents. I think Ashley knows that. If not, I'll make her a list. (But it will take some time.) Remember, Ashley, WE LOVE YOU! We all want to bring out the best in you and for you to have the best things in life feeling good about it because you did the work to get it! You can do it! You have a big family behind you. Never forget that. XOXO! 

Finally, I felt I needed to address Teresa's blog from last week, because I always held back on commenting on them before. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. What has gotten into you? 

I want to address your paragraph about Caroline and me where you stated, "Caroline and Jacqueline telling me that Danielle hurt their families was enough for me to support them. I didn't need proof. I didn't need to invite Danielle to my parties to "see for myself." I trusted my friends and had their back." If I remember correctly, there is a contradiction to what you stated. When your friends, to whom you claim loyalty, strongly disliked a "certain somebody" you continued to still hang out with that "certain somebody" and gave them a chance (just like I did) until YOU couldn't take her ways anymore. I respected you for being your own person. You even went as far as to invite that "certain somebody" to your dinner party along with a couple of your friends, who you knew couldn't even "stomach the sight of her," because you are nice like that. YOU decided you had enough of that "certain somebody" having a past and present that you unapproved of, telling you to pay attention, spreading rumors about your husband and your house being in foreclosure, comparing you to a wild animal, and the most obvious and infuriating for you, bringing up Melissa's name at the reunion show and claiming that you didn't acknowledge your nephew. It was those moments concerning YOU that prompted you to flip a table, chase "a certain somebody" through a fashion show, and throw Andy Cohen like a rag doll. Be honest, was that about having your friends' back, or did she insult YOU? 

PLEASE DON'T PRETEND that you acted out for your friends by being a loyal soldier. You even went out of your way to say "hello" to a "certain someone" that had been harassing my daughter, threatening and spreading horrible lies about me and my family at the Posche Fashion show. Were you being a loyal soldier then or were you being your own person, which I respected and never got mad at for all the chaos you caused? I would NEVER expect you to dislike somebody, because I do or fight my battles FOR me. If you're going to fight them WITH me because you are feeling the same way, then that is a BONUS! LOL! 

Your definition of "loyalty" doesn't always match your actions. You are your own person aren't you? I feel like you should take responsibility for your own choices, actions, and admit to forming your own opinions that had nothing to do with your "loyalty" to your friends! You are NOT that weak of a person. I was so grateful to you when my sister-in-law, whom you had been friends with years before, and I were feuding that you didn't choose a side. You allowed our friendship to grow. That showed me that you were a good person and had a mind of your own, but in YOUR definition of a "loyal" friend, I guess you contradicted yourself, and you weren't that loyal yourself. Please don't make it sound like every action you took against Danielle was for us and say that she never did anything to you, when clearly she did. The truth is you had your own issues with her. That's all I'm trying to say. I just wanted to clear that up.

I am also very surprised that you tweeted and then added to your blog that transparent paragraph about Danielle while speaking out both sides of your mouth. On the one hand you're telling her thank you, then the next tweet it was you don't believe her and to leave your family alone. On the other side you are clearly begging her to come up with proof to expose Melissa of something she may or may not have said two years ago during rough times between the two of you. In my opinion, that is totally irrelevant now. She should have given up that information to you two years ago when it WAS relevant. According to your blogs and interviews in other media outlets, you have always claimed that Danielle has never done anything to you, and she doesn't bother or phase you. So why do you even care anyway, right? (Even though I know you don't really feel that way.) Besides, if you really mean what you say about not wanting to ever rehash the past and only wanting to move forward, and you sincerely want to make things better between you and your family, it probably wasn't a good idea to even humor Danielle by saying you even care either way and that you even want proof. You know she's just looking to stay relevant. I thought she said she wasn't into drama. What do you think her motive was by tweeting that? Your well being? My advice, Teresa --  It's in the PAST! You are in a much better place now with your family now (sort of). Keep rolling forward. I'm only telling you this because I care and I didn't like seeing you hurting over your family, and I know how hard the two of you have worked to get your relationship to where it is today. Don't go back to that dark place. It doesn't benefit your relationship with Melissa today, and it doesn't look good for you to be encouraging Danielle to "show proof."  

It also upset me very much that you would even entertain someone that was so toxic in ALL of our lives. WHY would you open that dangerous, ugly door again to invite in trouble (for everybody)? I don't get you. BAD MOVE! 

There is one more thing that I felt that I  had to address. You say everyone has motives for coming on the show with their "get-rich-quick schemes." Who isn't trying to make a buck nowadays, and what's wrong with that? Especially when it's your family. Why do you make it sound like a bad thing? You say Kathy's is baking, Melissa's is singing, so what was YOUR "get-rich-quick scheme," Teresa? Was it the cookbooks? The TG Fabulicious store? The makeup? The lip gloss? The nail polish? The sauce? The olive oil? The pots and pans? The teeth whitener? The t-shirt line? The Bellini? The wine? The kids' shampoo line? And now you want to come out with a prostitution whore song? Take a look at your own motives, Teresa. I think you've pretty much covered every market. What's next, a rhinestone studded sex toy line? God Bless you for putting in the work to make all of that happen. I am so proud of you. I hope you are extremely successful. But you are not the only one entitled to make money with the show. How can you knock people trying to make a living? This show gives us a platform for many things. There is enough room for everyone to be successful. There is no need to be greedy or even jealous of other people's successes.

This year has really opened up my eyes to a lot of things. Thank you for finally clearing up all those rumors out there. It's good to know that you are fine and really aren't going through a hard time, but maybe it's time you let the rest of the world who is worried sick about you in on that too. Sometimes, I wish I would have kept my rose colored glasses on or kept my eyes shut. 

The cross necklace I was wearing in my emotional breakdown scene was from

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