What Happens in Punta Cana

What Happens in Punta Cana

Jacqueline looks back at the entire Punta Cana adventure.

PUNTA CANA BABY! Like Melissa said, "Jersey has arrived!"

Let me first start out by saying whoever it was that shot that angle of me packing, I'd appreciate it if you could possibly find a new angle to shoot me from next time. Use half of a lens if you have to. Thanks.

Just so you know, I actually packed two bathing suits with absolutely no intention of wearing either one of them. I just wanted to show the girls how cute they were. Girls appreciate sharing that kind of thing with each other. It gives us a brief little moment of joy.

I have serious body image issues. I seriously don't like anyone, including myself, looking at my body. LOL! (Except for my husband, but I trick him with the lighting.) I did appreciate the fabulosity of Teresa and Melissa's bathing suits and admire their self confidence in modeling them. I know Teresa worked out hardcore before that trip with a mutual trainer of ours, www.JoleneMatthews.com, and it showed. Both Teresa and Melissa have amazing "after multiple pregnancy" bodies. Most people don't even look that good BEFORE their pregnancies. God blessed them! I didn't want to sit by EITHER of those girls in a bathing suit, and I was praying that they wouldn't ask me to. Of course my worst fear happened, and I was actually "sangwiched" in-between the both of them. Talk about feeling like the double stuffed cream in the middle of an Oreo. I know, I know...everybody loves the creamy middle. Whatever. I had no tan and I felt like a mush. Every year I tell myself that the following year will be different, because I will be so tone and fit by then. This time I mean it! I know I was lucky not to get stretch marks, but everything needs to get toned up. I think I also may have more skin than I need to have, so I'd eventually like to cut some of it off. Can't I donate it or something?

Enough with my insecurities. It's amazing to me that I could care less about judging or noticing or caring about other people's body flaws, but when it comes to my own...I analyze every inch of my whole body from my head to my toes. Hey, at least I have a good sense of humor about it all. I know how to laugh at myself.

When we arrived in Punta Cana, the warm weather felt so good. We left the cold, icy snow of New Jersey behind us. Nice sunny weather gives me so much positive energy.
When I heard that someone was missing a bag, I got freaked and made a beeline for mine and ran over the baggage belt carrier to get it. (So we may have had a few cocktails on the plane…) Teresa's accessory bag went missing for Godsake! That was horrifying! Luckily for her, it finally showed up, but unfortunately not until our last day there. Woman's nightmare!

Not going to lie, as badass as it looked coming around the bend in our Escalades, I kind of felt like a jerk driving through where we had to go in them in order to get to our hotel. It just didn't feel right. Neither did stopping along the highway so all of our men could get out to pee in the tall grass. "You're from Jersey and you can tell! Way to keep it classy, Jersey!" Thanks, Melissa! Sometimes I wish I had a penis, so I could just whip it out and whiz whenever and wherever I wanted, then just shake it off, stick it back in my pants, and walk away. It's much more complicated and less convenient for women. Not fair! I had to hold it in until I got to a little girls room. The little place we stopped to use the rest room was like using an outhouse. There was no toilet paper, no way to flush, and no water to wash your hands. I could have gone in the tall grass on the side of the road after all and used a leaf or dripped dry in the wind. I always carry feminine wipes with me. You just never know when they will come in handy. Sorry for the over share.

The Hard Rock Hotel & Casino was amazing and our rooms were incredible with such beautiful views. It was impressive. The people at the hotel were so welcoming and accommodating. We can't thank them enough.

I felt so horrible for Caroline when she got that migraine. She gets them a lot. What is the cause of this? Anyone know? What is the best way to prevent or cure one? I guess all the screeching and yelling and slamming doors didn't help much, huh? Sorry about that, Caroline. I felt bad that she was on vacation and had to deal with that. Do you think that maybe she faked it to have some rest and relaxation away from our crazy crew? Nah! Albert would have stayed behind with her. I think it was real. Poor thing.

Teresa modeling her swimsuits for us was...well...very Teresa-like. We are used to it. At one point she was crawling all over the table in front of everyone while I took sexy pictures of her. That was hot! Most people may take offense to their friends doing that in front of your husbands, but for some reason with her it never bothered me. She cracks me up. I have noticed this season that Teresa's outfits are getting brighter and shinier. I think she may be trying very hard to stand out, as if she doesn't already! I guess maybe she feels the competition is getting stronger. Who knows? Teresa always strives to be the shiniest star. I thought it was funny when Greg said Teresa looked like an Oscar in her gold bathing suit. She did, a fabulous one. I enjoyed the fashion show with all of her beautiful swimsuits. She brought a suitcase full. She would change them midday so we all could see the variety of her different looks. You've got to love it.

The boat ride was so beautiful. We had a lot of fun on there with the lions and tigers and bears, oh my! We used to play "cucaracha" a lot at my house, but on a much smaller scale. We used plastic cups and cut out passages for them to be able to enter and leave the cups freely. Whoever's cup the roach goes into has to drink. If it goes in the middle cup, everyone drinks. You can find the bionic roaches at most toy stores. They are sold as the "HEXBUG Nano." They come in a variety of colors. If you want, you can assign each person a color and play that way too. It's a good time. Young kids love them for other reasons. I loved how Richie threw his shot over his shoulder and off of the boat. That made me laugh out loud. You've got to hand it to the man, he knows when enough is enough, but he still knows how to stay in the game.

Albie, Christopher, Lauren, and Greg always make me laugh when I'm around them. They are always teasing each other, saying funny one-liners, and having a good time. They can light up a room.

Speaking of lighting up a room, Kathy and Teresa can do that too. Ugh! I felt so bad that argument had to happen. I think what happens is that when you are harboring ill feelings toward someone, you are more likely to analyze everything they say while on guard for anything that remotely sounds like it could be an insult and then use it against them. I understand how Teresa was feeling, because she never got over Kathy's "unattended" comment. I heard about it all season. I don't think she will ever fully get over that one, but we'll see. I honestly don't think that Kathy meant any harm in what she said. I don't feel it was an attack on Teresa's parenting in either situation. I think that Teresa may possibly be feeling some guilt from being out working so much. It's common for working moms to feel like that. I've been there. Regardless, this fight was over something silly, and I'd like to think they will work this one out. It could have been such a peaceful day. Oh well, at least you all were entertained.

I can't ever erase my memory of the marketplace. That scarred me pretty good. I became a vegetarian after that (for about a week or two). How was that place healthy? How aren't those locals sick and throwing up all over the place? I don't get it. I must continue to say a prayer for them. Once again I felt like a big jerk showing up in an escalade dressed like we're coming from the 'Sex in the City' set and running up and down the rows screaming and crying. We didn't exactly blend. Locals were stopped all around looking at us as if we were.... well... Jersey folk. LOL! The smell was so bad there that Caroline and I were fighting over a bag of cinnamon that we kept shoving our face so we could inhale the fumes. That place was just gross. There were dogs eating the brains out of those cow heads that were lying on the ground.

There was a moment when Melissa said, "Look how cute that chicken is!" and Kathy said, "Don't try to name it or get too attached to it honey." Teresa was twirling around in her beautiful Marc Bouwer dress holding bloody animal body parts, as we were running from her in pools of blood in our platform heels. It was just insane. I actually got back into the car and slammed the door in Teresa's face before she could get in there, because I had decided to blame her for bringing us there. I was comatose for the rest of the day. Teresa could have just as easily researched her spices and "ingrediences" online. Next time. It was quite the experience.

It was nice to see the guys playing golf, having a good time, and getting along with each other. They were entertaining. Hey Albie and Christopher, nice hearing you laugh. (I love your sense of humor.) Hey Chris, nice dimples! (I love seeing him laugh.) Hey Giudice, nice swing!(Stick to martial arts.) Hey Gorga, nice ass! (We've seen a lot of it lately, but clearly not more than Melissa has.) Hey Richie, nice rolling hubcap! (You were out of control!) Hey Albert, nice being the only one having respect for the game. (The Hardrock thanks you.) Well... Boys will be boys.

I loved the Latin game show themed music during the Punta Princess contest. That was very clever. More clever than some of our contestants. LOL! Did I hear Teresa say that our vice president was Clinton or his wife? Oh dear Lordy. I think that maybe it had just been a looong day. (I knew that game was a bad idea.) The Hard Rock certainly was a beautiful resort. Overall, the trip was fun and definitely a learning experience.

I will just end this trip with this... What happened in Punta Cana, stays in Punta Cana.
I'm very proud of Albie and Christopher for doing such a fabulous job with the BLK. Launch! You all know from my last blog how I feel about BLK. and the fulvic acid it contains. Love the health benefits and everybody should be informed!

Melissa, once again, outstanding job on your performance. Your daddy is definitely proud watching you from above. I loved Joe Giudice's speech. I really believe he actually meant that one. I know him. I could tell. That was cute. Best wishes for a very successful future.

Kathy's sister Rosie, as sweet as she really is, looked bad-ass this episode. I wouldn't want to mess with her. She knew what was up. I just love Rosie! XOXO!

My season finale blog will be up soon.

I hope all is well with all of you. Take care. XOXO!

PS: Did you see me piggyback Chris across the sand? I know! I'm strong, right?

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My website www.JacquelineLaurita.com has OFFICIALLY launched! Go check it out! My blog will go live soon on my website. Thank you www.afterdarkpromotions-online.com for making that happen and for doing an amazing job. XOXO!

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