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Emotional and Enraged
Kathy explains why she got so upset with Teresa at the party.
OK welcome back, everyone! Hope you all had a great week. Rich and I had so much fun last week with Jay Mohr on Watch What Happens Live, although hey Jay…let me get a couple of words in. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and continued support. Trust me when I tell you the things Jay had to say during commercial breaks were even funnier than what he said on air.
I stand corrected, last week I misquoted a song and said it was the "happiest time of the year." Thanks to the clever viewer who pointed out it is "the most wonderful time of the year." Happy, wonderful, it all means the same to me. Don't they go hand in hand with Christmas anyway?
Decorating for Christmas has always been one of my favorite things to do. I’ve been creative and sometimes a bit kooky since I was a young girl. As a child I always volunteered to decorate our home during the holidays. My tree may not be totally traditional, but I hope you like it. I enjoy making the decorating a family activity with Rich and the kids. I hope Victoria and Joseph will carry on my love for holiday decorating as well. I guess I just have to wait and see. This year I was lucky enough to get Rich to help, even if that just means hiring a crew to decorate our home on the outside.
There's nothing like Christmas to bring families together, but there is always added stress. It was great to watch everyone decorating and preparing for Christmas in their homes, in their own special way. My heart goes out to Ashlee for feeling that she is in a lose-lose situation. But as Jacqueline told her, she is in a win-win situation because she has two families that love her dearly. It’s sometimes hard to see the positive, but I hope Ashlee can begin to see how much her family loves her beyond the material things.
How about those bracelets that Caroline had designed for her kids. I loved the concept and idea behind it all -- An honor and commitment to each other to never break those ties. Caroline, I hope you don’t get upset if I decide to copy your idea one day.
While families are coming together during the holidays, I know that I am not alone when I say that these gatherings can be "the most wonderful time of the year" as well as the most stressful time of the year. So many Christmas movies are made each year that highlight how this time of the year forces everyone to think about unresolved family issues. While it is much easier to sweep all the issues under the rug, that does not make them go away. I myself am guilty of that as well.
I completely understand how Teresa and her husband must have been feeling before going to Melissa and Joey's home for their Christmas party. After all, this was the first time that the entire family was going to be together again after baby Joey's christening. I am glad that they did decide to come to the party despite their apprehension. In that same spirit, I have always tried to do the right thing. Unfortunately, my intention to clear the air was again misinterpreted. I too had my own reservations about being together with everyone under one roof since the christening. But when Rich and I drove up to the Gorga house that feeling was quickly dismissed. I felt that we had stepped into a live Hallmark Christmas card. Their home was beautifully decorated, no attention to detail was overlooked. Everyone was definitely in the holiday spirit.
When Joe and Teresa arrived I immediately wanted to try and put things behind us. It took so much courage for me to approach her again, since she shut me down at the Posche fashion show. I was hoping that maybe she would be receptive. What is so wrong about approaching my cousin at a Christmas party and trying to share a moment with her? How can we move forward if we can’t let go of the past? We haven’t talked since Posche, so I wanted to put this ridiculous fight behind us. Instead of faking it and sweeping the hurt feelings under the rug, I wanted to explain where I was coming from and put the issue to bed, that’s all. But Teresa didn’t give me a chance. Her quick dismissal really took me by surprise. I am the first to admit that I am not perfect. I only try to do the best that I can, and in spirit of Christmas, it felt like the right time.
What happened next is something that I am not very proud of. I allowed Teresa's pettiness to get the best of me. I pride myself on being a person who remains in control under difficult situations. Unfortunately, Teresa's response blindsided me. Before things got out of hand I chose to walk away, but I immediately became very emotional and then enraged. She’s humiliated me not once, but twice now, and although I completely regret my language, I hope you can understand why I had to let it out. She made me feel so small and pathetic, and for what? Give me a chance to work things out with you. Give me the chance to explain myself so the two of us can try to go back to the way things used to be. Thank God for Rich. I am so lucky to have him in my life. When I am hurting, instantly Rich comes to my defense and wants to make it right for me. Rich is so crazy and funny. He blows up immediately, but calms down just as fast and becomes the voice of reason and common sense.
Judging by others' behavior that night, I am glad that I chose to walk away and not add to the drama. It was a beautiful party as you can all see. I certainly did not want to do anything to take away from all the effort that Melissa and Joe put into the party.
Janice Maeditere said, "Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts." My heart will continue to be open to mending my relationship with Teresa. Only time will tell if we succeed.
Lots of love,
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