Jackie Goldschneider: There's a New Jewish Chick in Town

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A Jewish girl and a Turkish girl walk into a bar...

If that sounds familiar, then we probably met last night on the Season 9 premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Let me start by saying I am SO excited to be here! If my introduction last night was any indication, I’m one of the fun ones! I like to drink, dance, and have a good time! And there’s nothing better than being able to do that with my girls Margaret and Melissa.

I’ve known Margaret for a while through our mutual friend Jodi, but I met the rest of the ladies at Margaret’s pajama party (where I showed up nearly naked while they were all in classy pajama sets — whoops!). Melissa and I hit it off right away — friend love at first sight! Our kids and husbands are so great together, too. It couldn’t be more perfect! 

Drunk Melissa Gorga Is Honest and 'Just DGAF'

Melissa’s birthday party was great, and Evan got to meet everyone’s husbands (or sort-of husbands). I had some explaining to do, to my husband, about Frank not being married to Dolores, where Joe Giudice was, and that Marty was engaged to Danielle, who’s been engaged 19 times (what the f---, by the way), but he just wanted to eat and drink and have fun. I don’t think he cared about who was there with who as long as he had kebobs in his hand. He had a great time though, and he thought Joe Gorga was hysterical! I kept staring at Frank Catania’s necklace that said “#1 Dad” because it was so little and cute on such a massive guy.

Arranged Marriages and Chaperoned Dates?!

I met Jennifer that night too and I really liked her, but I cannot relate at all to her traditions. Thank G-d no one chaperoned my dates —  they’d be scarred for life. But Jennifer seemed sweet, if a little buttoned up. And she does love her Chanel. I mean, so do I. Not dripping all over my body, but to each their own.

Dolores Calls Danielle a 'Troublemaker'

I actually spoke to Teresa a lot that night and we really liked each other. Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we? I didn’t speak to Danielle or Dolores too much at the party but they both seemed great. I still feel that way about one of them. Wink.

And then there’s my Margaret. There’s no one like Margaret. She looks after me and loves me the way I love her. And last night she said I have a hot little body, so there’s that.

I can’t wait for you to get to know me and see my big personality and occasionally big mouth! You’ll also meet my four babies — have I mentioned I have two sets of twins? Now you know why I drink! JK.

I’ll leave off by saying thank you for welcoming me into your world last night! I’m proud to say there’s a new Jewish chick in town – and this one’s not a crier!