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How to Handle Someone Who Calls Dibs on Men (aka the Ramona Singer of Your Friend Group)
Really. Let's get to the bottom of this "dibs" nonsense.
First, there was red scarf guy for the ladies of The Real Housewives of New York City. Now, there's Brett. If Ramona wants a man, she's going to go after him — even if someone else shows interest in him.
A little history: Bethenny Frankel went on a date with him, saying, "I liked him, he was very very nice, he was fun."
Then Tinsley met him and saw potential. "I saw him in Miami recently, just a day lunch," she said.
The two are currently exchanging texts, which doesn't seem to bother Ramona in the slightest. Or as Dorinda Medley puts it, "Ramona thinks she has first dibs when it comes to everything, including a buffet." (Watch the conversation for yourself in the After Show clip above.)
Funny. And true.
Even though the RHONY ladies are lighthearted about Ramona's flirting style, what can you do when you have a girlfriend who always calls first dibs on a guy? (Like that ever works out.)
Relationship expert April Masini told Personal Space the whole "dibs" thing is not a system that is normal. I mean, what grade are we in here?
"If your friend thinks she always has first dibs on any available guy (or gal), and it’s bothering you, the best way to handle this situation is to shed light on it. You can turn the tables," Masini said. "For instance, if you are both interested in the same person, you can tell your friend, 'This time, I’ve got dibs.' By phrasing it this way, you acknowledge that she usually has dibs, and that it’s your turn."
This gives her a chance to acknowledge what she's doing. "Or, she can decide that she doesn’t want to give you dibs, and that the whole 'dibs system' is not really working for either one of you," Masini added.
She advised getting an adult system for telling your friends you're interested in someone.
"Toss the system. Calling dibs on someone new can be a polite way of allowing your friends to know that you’re really interested in someone and you’d like them all to step back so you can give it your best shot. It’s what’s known as bro code or girl code. The dibs system only works when everybody gets dibs now and then. If that doesn’t happen, the dibs system is going to feel entitled and abusive."
What’s more organic is the old school system, based on the saying, "all’s fair in love and war," Masini said.
"This not only gives everyone a chance, it allows the person who is the object of everyone’s affection to know who is available and to let everyone know who they like and how they like them. It’s also more honest. In the dibs system, the object of affection may never know that someone he or she preferred was actually interested, because they’ve stepped back so the person who had dibs could step up. Down the line, this can cause drama. Best to get true feelings out up front, if they exist."