What's the Deal with "Peter Pan"-Type Men Like Harry Dubin?

What's the Deal with "Peter Pan"-Type Men Like Harry Dubin?

Sonja Morgan and Dorinda Medley reveal why women love Harry Dubin — and how he can be so irresistible even though they all see his flaws. 

 

By Marianne Garvey

We're imagining Harry Dubin's The Real Housewives of New York City tagline would go something like, "I've got a trust fund... but you can't trust me."

The Housewife hanger-on has been kicking around the show for so long, he deserves his own apple. He really does live off a trust fund. He promises marriage. He's a charmer. He cheats on his girlfriend(s). That's Harry. He's also dated his share of RHONY ladies. They all know this, but keep coming back for more.

So, what is it about Harry Dubin?

According to Sonja Morgan: "We’ve known each other since we were very young, and we were going steady and he cheated on me when he was in D.C. and I was in New York. And nothing has changed. He’s a Peter Pan and he’s irresponsible, and he just annoys me because he asks me, ‘Oh, I want you to come on a trip with me and my family,’ and the next thing he’s with Ramona and inviting her on the same trip. Or how about let’s back it up, when he had a ring for me, which he borrowed from Ramona, loses that that night, Mario was running around looking for the ring, and then he jumps in a taxi with Luann."

Cut to Luann de Lesseps: "Who hasn’t been with Harry Dubin at this point?"

Back to Sonja: "He likes every girl because even at that party, he brought more girls with him. Well, he’s a southern guy, and when he wants he can be really charming. You can’t help but love him until he pisses you off."

Dorinda Medley described his charm like this: "[He's] a good conversationalist, got a great wit, if you’re not aware of it, you can get caught off your guard... There’s something about Harry."

As for his job, he doesn't appear to have one. Sonja says he lives off some kind of family trust that he uses to go out and look for a good time. "Too much time, and too much money," she said

Again, what's the appeal of charming, fun, Peter Pan types like Harry? How can he be so irresistible even when you can see their flaws?

"Peter Pan types are really fun, and they make you forget your troubles — and sometimes, even your relationship goals," relationship expert April Masini told Personal Space. "They’re all about being in the moment. They give you a lot of attention when you’re with them. And they make you feel like nothing else is important except what’s going on between the two of you. In other words, they make you feel special. This is their charm, and it’s why people fall for them over and over again."

Also, Masini said, if you’re avoiding responsibility and grown-up issues like paying the rent, affording a mortgage, getting insurance, and planning for children, "Peter Pan types will support that avoidance."

"They’re not interested in investing time or energy in grown up issues. They want to feel free and fun, and if you want to avoid grown up responsibilities, Peter Pan types will help you, for sure," she added.

Therapist Jason Eric Ross described Peter Pan types as "charming people who remind us that there is something more than the mundane."

"Then they often find themselves disappointed and unfulfilled in a relationship," he added.

As for the type of person who falls for the Peter Pan man, they eventually figure out what's going on and will move on, Ross concluded.

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