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Fighting With a Friend But Have to See Them Socially? Here's How You Can Handle It
Who knew that Luann de Lesseps, Dorinda Medley, and the clambake of the century would be so relatable to anyone who's ever had a feud with a pal?
You won't hear "What are you doing here without Dorinda?" coming out of Luann de Lesseps mouth anytime soon. She wants you there without Dorinda. You'd better not bring Dorinda.
You see, instead of calling Lu to apologize after their big blowup last February (the two have not spoken since), Dorinda sent a quote from that old sage Tyler Perry, renowned for his philosophical wisdom and also Madea.
No word on if Lu likes Madea, but she didn't appreciate the quote. So, Dorinda was uninvited by new RHONY pal Barbara Kavovit from Barbara's clambake, which Barbara catered because Barbara loves tools but hates cooking. (Watch for yourself in the clip above.)
So far, this season of The Real Housewives of New York City has been divided in two: team Bethenny, Luann, and Barbara, and the team of blondes staying at Ramona's house (Ramona, Dorinda, Sonja, and Tinsley). The two Hampton, dine, and complain separately, but since this is one show and not two shows, at some point they need to all sit in the same room together. That means Luann and Dorinda will eventually come face to face. But, how can they possibly socialize together after all the fighting so far? And, as anyone out there with friends knows, it does totally suck when you're fighting with a pal and you have to attend the same social event, cameras or no.
"A small misunderstanding can turn into a big friendship breakup in the end if you pretend the disagreement never happens, so keep the lines of communication open," says Reader's Digest. “Talking through the situation is best because letting the situation linger can develop into feelings of neglect, disrespect, or even anger.”
Since this friendship has deep roots, it's worth saving. “If you’re not mature enough to respect other’s opinions, then perhaps breaking up a friendship is best. But if you would like to mend the friendship, then apologize, and listen to the other person’s point-of-view. At the end of the day, people usually just want to be heard," says RD.
If these two do make up, they need to decide what to do if they argue again. “Brainstorm to come up with an action plan. Say, ‘Let’s try to come up with some ideas for how to prevent this from happening again.' For example, if you feel the conversation is getting heated, agree that one of you will ask, 'How about those Red Sox?' as a code to immediately change the subject to something more lighthearted."
And remember, as we get older, "if we want to hold on to our friendships, we can’t view them as these fixed, permanent objects frozen in time. We have to make an effort to see the individual, and let go of everything else.”
Finally, try to do all of the above before you see the person socially, so you have alone time to work it out before meeting in a group setting. If you do see them socially, be polite, keep it light, and don't ask questions.