Ask Gloria: Volume I

We at Bravotv.com were just as taken with Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria, on The Real Housewives of New York City as you were. We asked you to submit your questions, and you did! See how Gloria responded:

I love the show!! Love you!!! My name is Michelle and I'm 25. I've been with my  boyfriend for 7 years and we just bought a house. We talk about getting married all the time, but he hasn't even bought a ring yet. I don't know what  to do. How long do I wait for him? Should I ask the big  question??

Dear Michelle,
Thank you for writing. I must say that seven years is a long time to decide whether or not to marry. I really do not believe he has intentions to marry you. I am sorry to say this, but your situation is so settled, he sees no reason to change it. If you are really serious about getting married, you must address this issue immediately. You may be saddened by his response, but you will know where he stands. I hope things work out the way you want them to.  Good luck.

Gloria
I am Allie, 28 and have been in a  long distance relationship for about 2 years. A few months ago we decided to  work things out, move to be in the same city and make strides to have a  lasting relationship. Upon this decision, he recently revealed to me that  within the first few months we were together he slept with an ex-girlfriend.  After my wanting to know more, he told me he also was with another girl (no  sex) on two occasions during a weekend, who is still a friend of his group of  friends, who I have also met on several occasions. Her and a friend of his had  a child together and he is now the Godfather. He is very remorseful, but I am  disgusted. So my question is do you believe the saying "once a cheater,  always a cheater"?

Hi, I cannot make a judgment about all men, but I can about this loser. The best thing that he has going for him is you. I do not think you can build a relationship with someone who has cheated time and again on you. You must regain some respect for yourself. I would leave him and start a new life. Rent an apartment and find a new job and regain your self respect. If needed, seek counseling. Whatever you do, do not waste any more time on this relationship.  Good luck.

Gloria

I have  been with my boyfriend going on 5 years and everything is relatively great,  except for his family that seems to hate me. I can’t seem to do anything to  please these people and it’s starting to affect my relationship very  negatively. I don’t know what to do, they make my life impossible to deal  with, and my boyfriend is always caught in the middle. Can u help me?  Thank you.

Lost in California

Hi, Thank you for writing.  First of all, why do you allow a relationship to go on for so many years. Are you planning to spend the rest of your life with his man? If so, you should take on his family.  Otherwise it seems pointless.  If you care this deeply about him, I think you should confront this parents and find out exactly what is the problem, or at least try to make an effort.  Keep in touch.

Gloria

I'm 56 years old, at  5'7 inches tall and weigh 130 pounds. I have 3 sons and an adoring husband of  36 years and 2 beautiful granddaughters, ages 2 and 4. People tell me I'm  pretty and that my skin is gorgeous for my age, but I don't feel it. Every  time I see your daughter or Alex on the show, I get so depressed that I do not  have the clothes, shoes, hand-bags, the boundless energy, or the constant  stream of friends inviting me to fashion show's and luncheon's. I adore her  life style. It seems exciting. I realize that this is absolutely childish and  silly. I'm ashamed to even write it, considering the problems we face today.  Over the last several years I have battled fibromyalgia and R.A., and Lupus,  and had to quit my job. Now, I never have the energy to do anything, but hurt  and feel flu-ish and achy, much less feel pretty, or to wear nice clothes  anywhere or to put on make-up. So that causes depression, and I can't wait to  live through the housewives again. What can I do not to feel that way all  the time?

Victoria

Hi, Thank you for writing. I understand your depression. You can however, do some things to make yourself feel better temporarily. Your illnesses have made you feel despondent, But getting out and buying some new clothes, getting a new hairdo, etc will make a temporary difference. We all wish we were young, pretty, famous, rich, etc. The important thing to remember is that every day you and your husband and family get up in the morning healthy is another great day! I know — I have been there. Good luck.

Gloria
My mother has a mental  disorder that the doctors have explained to me and they say she is capable of  getting help and acting better towards my kids and me but she refuses to  accept this is her issue to solve. She "kicked" us out of her life a few  months ago, like the fifth time she has done this, but this time I didn't go  back. I felt I needed to protect my kids from her abuse since I am fully aware  of how bad it can get. My question is this, she is old and her health isn't  good but she is still as abusive with her actions and words as ever. Society  says I need to suck it up and put up with this till she dies, but I feel there  just has to come a time in life when I can say enough is enough and I am going  to live my life and protect my kids. What is your thought on this

Hi, Thank you for writing. I would continue to see Mom but without the children. You understand the problem, but they cannot, nor should they. You can keep the visits at a minimum. The reason I say you should consider seeing your mother is when she passes you will not feel at all guilty that you haven't been a "good child." Hope my advice will help you.

Gloria

I am thirty-two years old. My mom  passed away three years ago. It has been a difficult three years, feeling that  I do not have the one person that is suppose to teach me how to be a woman  around. I have felt like I am stuck between being a girl and a woman, though I  have a beautiful daughter and wonderful husband. Three months ago my dad died,  and now I am feeling abandoned and orphaned. I want so badly to have someone  there that I can go to, someone that will cheer me on, someone that will just  listen. How do I move passed this?

Amy

Dear  Amy,
Your depression is quite understandable.  If you have a sibling, you might consider becoming closer. If not, try to get out every day. Take an exercise class.  Exercising seems to affect people in a very positive way. Try taking up a sport, or some sort of class such as art, etc.  Keeping busy is a very positive way of averting depression. Spend an evening a week having dinner out or a movie with your husband. You will think of there things that interest you. Life passes so fast that you had better take advantage of the years left in good health. Take care.

Gloria
I'm Chris, a student at the  University of Florida. When I was 17, I "came out" to my mother but she then  started to sob and said she failed as a mother, so I said it was a "phase".  I'm close to graduating and want to tell her, but in the black community it's  a faux pas, immensely. Should I wait until I find a job (due to possibility  of being cut off) or should I go ahead and tell her?

Chris W.

Dear Chris, There will never be the "right" time to tell her something she never wants to hear.  You must face your family and I really believe that eventually they will come around.  You should not hide what you are nor should you be ashamed. It may become more comfortable for you to move away for awhile, but keep in touch all the time. They will accept the situation eventually.  Keep in touch.

GloriaWhat advice do you have for a mom  of a 13-year-old boy who is rapidly becoming more independent?

Judie

Hi, This is just the beginning of a long and hard road that we all take both as teens and later in life as parents.  Lots of patience, listening when given the opportunity (which isn't very often) and hoping that all the years preceding these teens will pay off. The most important job, in all seriousness is to monitor his peers throughout the coming years. These are the kids that will influence him the most. If you are doing your job, he should be starting to think for himself.  I know how hard it is for you, but this is what nature intended. Love him, listen to him, set rules and guidelines that are reasonable.

Gloria
I'm 9 years older than my husband. I don't look older (I don't think so) and I'm very sensitive about my age. (I'll be 50 this year). My husband is the baby in his family and he has a family that is all about age. This past Thanksgiving at my sister in law's house, someone asked her father-in-law how old I was and he said 50 and that I robbed the cradle. I pretended that I didn't hear this comment. He laughed after he said it because he thought I heard him. I used to like this man, but what an ignorant and insensitive thing to say. I guess the bottom line is that if my husband is fine with the age difference, then, who cares? I'd just like to know, do you have a response for me to have ready when someone says something like this

Hi, I am sorry you were hurt by this crude remark. There is nothing short of being nasty that would have any effect on this cruel and rude person. He is not worth bothering with.  If, on the other hand, you are becoming sensitive to this fact, you can decide to seek further medical counseling. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best at 20, 30,50,60, etc. I would not let anyone tell me what I can and cannot do. 

GloriaMy boyfriend of 4.5 years and have  lived with will not commit.... I know he loves me, I love him but want to be  married...yes, I have told him of my feelings.... he gets all nervous and  changes the subject or states we will be married some day! I am 41 and he is  47 we are not kids; I feel if we don’t know by now then when? Can I have  some of your wonderful, honest

Tricia

Dear Tricia,
I am sorry to say this, but there is no marital future for you with this man. If you plan to marry, the chances that it will be him are zero. If he is not willing after 4 years to commit, what makes you think he ever will? The truth is, he likes his life and doesn't feel the need to change it. You are still young, vital and I am sure lovely.  You can find someone who will want to marry you. I think you need to face the harsh and unpleasant reality that he is rather selfish. I wish I could give you a brighter picture, but I know you want me to tell you my truth. Good luck.

Gloria

I've been in love  with a man for almost 9 years. We planned a wedding twice and cancelled it  twice. I moved from NY to FL, and he followed me. He moved back to NY, then  back here to me in FL a second time. We married...and divorced just four  months later. He's back in NY now, and I'm planning on leaving FL and  returning to NY. I know he will continue to cause me nothing but  heartache...but I'm STUCK. I can't seem to get over him or start to move on,  no matter what I do. I went for therapy when our marriage ended, and I ended  up defending him to the therapist, who called him every name in the book. He  has not only cost me a small fortune but also most of my friends and  relatives, who cannot forgive ME for continuing to forgive HIM. Oy, oy, oy,  what a mess. Do you have any advice for me?

Diva

Hi, You have had advice from many people and yet your heart keeps telling you to take him back. The question you have to answer is Why? Only you really know the answer. Are you that insecure that you feel you can't get anyone else? It is easy for someone else to give advice, it is quite another to be in that person's shoes. Has he some special"hold" over you? No one can help you until you face the situation.

Gloria

I'm 25 and my boyfriend (age  26) has from the beginning of our relationship, been talking about how we are  going to be in it for the long term. He has quite explicitly expressed that he  doesn't want to get married or have children. He knows that I want to  eventually get married and have a family. I don't plan on starting a family  for several years and my boyfriend is amazing, but I don't know. Should I  enjoy these years with someone amazing even though they don't want the same  thing in the future or do I break things off now and find someone who also  wants what I want?

Ann Victoria

Dear Ann Victoria,
I think you really know the answer to your problem.  If, at the end of the day, you do not want the same things in life, you really need to change your relationship.  There is a real difference between loving someone and being in love.  You must decide which this is and act accordingly.  Good luck.

Gloria

I recently lost  80 lbs & have about 40 to go to my dancer/college body. I'm told I'm an  attractive woman & while I don't think I'll be gracing the cover of Maxim,  I would have to agree that I'm cute. I'm also what they used to call  "voluptuous". I love my career & pay all my own bills. All that being  said, I am 31 & haven't had a date in almost 6 years What am I doing  wrong? I've tried churches, bars, dating websites. The only things I've  gotten are requests for one night stands. How come I'm attractive enough to  sleep with once, but not to date? Did I mention I cook/cater as a hobby  & work in Child Welfare? She cooks, she likes kids, and she has big  boobs... What's wrong with me?

Confused in Chicago

Hi, Since I haven't met you, I cannot tell you what the problem is, but I can say that everyone is attractive to someone.  Do not give up!

Gloria