On the Defense

Well, the dirty laundry was aired at part 1 of the pit viper,  jugular vein-snapping reunion. I know my laundry was aired because my short dress wasn't holding up on that couch, and in the classiest of fashions, my underwear was showing like the tragic washed up Britney I never want to be. That's why I kept fidgeting and the origin of the shimmy-off that ensued with Ramona. Evidently she thought we were in the Wild West, and she wanted to one up me with her dress shimmy. Seriously, what a moron in her Christmas tree ornament of a dress.

She really came unglued. Gotta love Ramona. Like gravity, she always gets there.

LuAnn looked gorgeous and held her own, and truth be told, we let her off easy. She got beaten up pretty well this season, so we took it easy on her at the reunion. She's still the countess, we're happy to let her keep her title, and for God sake's what else would I make fun of if she lost her crown. She was well spoken, and she was on the defense with Ramona's rants.

Ramona was like a bat in an attic. LuAnn was just bobbing and weaving, praying that the flying rodent would fly out the window into the wild. Ramona was the surefire star.

Jill was strong and honest and nit-picky and protective. She was the den mother, the queen of accountability. We are family. We can fight, but no one else try to take either of us down. This is a bond that neither bravo nor bitches can break. She got my back.

I took some hits, but enjoyed taking them. I talk behind people's backs. Um, yeah. Alex wants me to tell her things face to face. Well, fair, but truthfully, I rarely see her face. We're on a show together. We're not friends, and truth be told, she and Simon have ripped me pretty good on the blogs. That said, I'm glad she had something eloquent to contribute and she was spot on. Point taken.

Kelly? I mean I think a question mark will suffice. "The grass isn't always greener no matter how much fertilizer you have." Um, what? Is English her second language? Whether it's asking me if I was poking her when she meant to say provoke or saying mountain and a molehill rather than making a mountain out of a molehill, I'm fairly certain that the press is right. She went to general studies at Columbia. Or perhaps she went to Columbia, the country. Thank God for Kelly and her delusions. She's always the last to know.

As for me, yes I talk about people, yes I cry about boys, yes I'm challenged in relationships, yes I'm a workaholic, yes I hate socialites, yes my rack was lifted, and yes I wore too much makeup, an ugly dress that was too short and I have a big stinging mouth. I can't wait for part 2, I loved this damn season of this show, and I thank the fans for taking Naturally Thin to the top of the New York Times Bestseller list.

It was a blast!