Real Brutal

Nothing shocks me or anyone else when it comes to Ramona. As I said, she is the Ramonacoaster and you never know what you are going to get. Her comments that I would end up alone and that I'd screw it up with Jason were very hurtful. Last season she told me I didn't know how to date for marriage. I'm happily married now, so contrary to what Ramona thinks, she doesn't know everything.

That said, she came to my wedding, we're in a good place right now and I really can't focus on the negatives. I'm focusing on my swollen feet, hands and face at the moment. This last leg of pregnancy is challenging.

On the bright side, I'm so happy to be married to Jason. I really am tickled pink. I never thought it could feel this right and that I could be at peace.

Alex is a calm, kind person. This isn't the first time that I've confided in her about something personal, yet this was by far the most personal. Although Alex is very smart, I didn't tell her about my problems because I needed advice. I just needed someone to talk to and she was the right person. Wow, that was a brutal time in my life. So much was going on at the time and it will all come through on the show.

Judging models was somewhat absurd. It was definitely out of my wheel house. I really have no interest in fashion or models, so at that point, it seemed inconsequential and unimportant. Of course my favorite part was Kelly's depiction of the plight of the models. I needed a little levity and comic relief at that moment.

Let's not blow my meeting with Jill out of proportion. I'm not Jill's long lost parent ambushing her. We were actually very close friends. It really isn't something to get crazy about. Ramona simply wanted to ensure that we met. Jill and LuAnn like to over dramatize everything, so they made this like a scene from West Side Story. In actuality, Ramona said stop by and talk to Jill. Big deal. Everyone lived.

Jill knows more than anyone how badly I hoped that having a career and a relationship was possible. Not everyone has a Bobby to take care of them financially. I'm passionate about my career and I've never kept that a secret. I have never let my work get in the way of my friendships, including my friendship with Jill. Jill pieces together information to build a case against whoever she is against at the moment, whether it be me, Alex, or Ramona. I was balancing my relationship and work, and I have no regrets. It is why I am where I am in my life.

LuAnn was behaving like a third grader who didn't want her new best friend making up with their old one. Everyone has experienced this in grammar school. I found it hilarious and narcissistic that LuAnn was personalizing our whole meeting. It frankly had absolutely nothing to do with her, yet she continued to insert herself. She might want to get a hobby too.

Jill was in the wrong and she definitely regrets her actions. Unfortunately, much of the damage is irreparable. But I finally feel peace now. What is important now is my marriage and baby, and to quote Jill, I don't want the toxicity in my life.