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Deny Deny Deny

Simon talks Kelly's Playboy shoot, Jill's Saks party, and Alex's meltdown.

By Simon van Kempen


How to Watch

Watch The Real Housewives of New York City on Peacock and catch up on the Bravo app

Wow it’s already week four - at this stage in the first season, it was already more than half way over but in this, the third season we are not even third of the way in.

After the quick third episode recap we catch up with Bethenny as Jason gets home from work to find her lounging in her own branded SG bathrobe, after the obligatory baby/baby/baby exchange B discovers one of the best things about living with someone. There’s always someone to vent at; and baby did she vent! She recaps the Jill Stuart fashion show run in with Jill and LuAnn and once that’s done Jason decides that now is the perfect time to resolve their separate living arrangements with a cryptic “but before we can do that a commitment will be made. “ It’s sort of a pre-proposal proposal with a property lease attached.

Pamella Roland makes her second RHONY appearance (Alex, Bethenny and I went in Season One) as LuAnn and Kelly arrive. Kelly needs a pointer on how she should introduce LuAnn and after a couple of suggestions we learn that Kelly’s definition for ‘Countess’ is ‘charitable’ and ‘lovely.’ I am sure Kelly has her very own copy of the ‘Dictionary of Iconic and Superlative Adjectives’ as it seems she uses at least one in every sentence. While LuAnn thanks her for the compliment she decides that yes, she should be called Countess as “it is her name.” LuAnn, it’s not your name. That would be LuAnn de Lesseps or originally LuAnn Nadeau but ‘Countess’ is just an honorary title, to be used in lieu of Miss, Ms or Mrs, that you received when you were the wife of a Count.

Bethenny arrives and LuAnn suddenly has full color in her face as clearly her blood pressure is increasing. Bethenny decides to give her a run for her money but at least as far as we saw, the dig that B accuses L of making seemed pretty innocuous to me. After a quick set of photos with Lisa Rinna (AKA Mrs Harry Hamlin) Bethenny decides another fashion show altercation is called for. After LuAnn states how she and Jill are ‘very good friends” Bethenny tells her the types of things Jill’s been saying about LuAnn for sometime. B goes on to call her a snake (LuAnn not Jill) and LuAnn for once actually holds her own. They sit down to watch the fashion show (although the seats behind them are still pretty deserted) and just after Kelly states how embarrassed she is to see them argue. LuAnn’s conscious gets the better of her and she states to Bethenny that she is not a skank. Now last I checked my dictionary a snake is a limbless reptile and a skank is a promiscuous female. However could LuAnn have gotten confused? Arguments done, we get a quick 15 second clip of Pamella’s clothes – I wonder if Ms Roland will consent to filming in future seasons.


We’re back at fashion week and this time Ramona is joined by Avery and after waking around back stage quelle surpris Kelly was there? Kelly decides she had deserved an invitation to Ramona’s Labor Day party and honestly this was one instance where the ‘tell it like it is‘ Ramona went AWOL and after a number of garbled excuses we cut to Kelly stating she should have just said, “No I didn’t want you there!’ Indeed!

But as if to rub it in Kelly tells Ramona that she has to leave as she’s taking Jill to a party that Perez Hilton is hosting, and Ramona sadly and suddenly seemed star stuck – Kelly invites her and she accepts. After putting Avery in a cab to get home, Kelly & Ramona head off to party with Perez. I am not sure why Kelly decided to couch this as an invitation she had granted to Jill, as we all had received invitations to attend. Despite the unwarranted accusation that Alex and I are only too happy to turn up to any event, this was one on which we gladly passed. Yes, even Alex and I have standards. After Perez peers down Jill’s dress we get a relatively quiet scene where Kelly gets to give a 1st person impression of the altercation between Bethenny and LuAnn although, as usual, she gets interrupted by Jill who having not been present still apparently feels more than able to give her two cents, again, again and again.

Finally we get a respite from fashion shows and faux fashion parties and get a chance to see some SG margaritas sipped in the middle of the day. Alex joins Bethenny and fleetingly we have a chance to see seemingly two rational human beings have a normal conversation (albeit about Jill) and then Kelly turns up. ‘Nuf said.

After a succession of scenes involving three housewives it’s as if the producers deemed we needed a break from their internecine drama. Surely it’s better to follow a lighthearted easy going photo shoot with Jill, her sister Lisa and their Mom Gloria. Or perhaps not, as it promptly brings back memories of the comfort and seat height of Bobby’s entire fleet of automobiles. After Gloria decrees that “Mother is not happy,” we promptly cut to Jill who explains that trying to keep either her Mother or her sister happy is a challenge. Evidently that’s a Kamen family trait as Jill could have been talking about herself. I should acknowledge that at least Gloria was being honest with us all and not trying to change her behavior just because she’s about to launch a book they’ve jointly written presumably about their best secrets Motherhood. So did I tell you the one about when three Jewish mothers walked into a photoshoot? Nah, sorry, it’s a secret and it’s better if it stays that way.


Bethenny meets Ramona for a quick drink and initially Ramona takes the role of diplomat until she inquires whether Bethenny’s been invited to Jill’s event the following night at Saks. High school it’s all high school, says Ramona which unfortunately four episodes in is proving to be the case.

Over at Jill’s, LuAnn joins her to prepare for the upcoming Saks event, which provides Gloria a chance to give us another dose of her ‘wisdom.' Last season Bethenny, this one LuAnn. Methinks Abby and Ann Landers are safe for a little while. Jill had been pretty active between seasons and was able to put together a very impressive private dinner despite the unfounded rumor that Ramona alluded to. I do though have to agree with Ramona that the Alexander McQueen dress worn by Jill that night just didn’t look right on her. Yes, it was too metallic but much worse than that, it was not at all a flattering fit on her.

Kelly arrives wearing what seems to be a fur vest designed as shoulder pads as worn by a football player. Alex & I are seen arriving and honestly a couple of days prior I was concerned that I might be being set up for a reprise of the infamous GNO crashing of season 1, but this time I was determined to be smarter; cover all my basis and I did. No drama about crashing when of course, just like on that previous occasion I hadn’t. Alex I got to shop, LuAnn got to narrate but most amusing was when Alex and I were speaking with LuAnn about an up coming event she was planning for I had a subtle dig regarding Mario’s ‘tasteless joke’ regarding her title which backfired completely when big ears pipes in. “Mario?”, are you still talking about Mario?” Ramona clearly didn’t believe LuAnn’s denials and so thought she’d really get to her by telling Alex and me that LuAnn didn’t want us at her house on Labor Day anyway. This is the perfect segue to a pretty difficult scene for me to watch. I have no idea where I was but I didn’t know about this until later that night at home. Alex is telling Ramona that she needs to talk with Jill and vent about Jill’s constant harping about our chums when up walks Jill. Alex implores Ramona to play bartender and Alex speaks to Jill. Of course, we then cut to Jill in interview saying she didn’t do anything wrong. Deny.deny.deny. and then goes onto to state what an inappropriate place it was to discuss? Jill, do you mean like at Ungaro last week? Anyway I hate to see Alex cry, but they were the tears of a wounded Mom and all I can say is watch out when those tears are replaced by anger. I did notice Jill’s apology in her blog last week however that seemed more of an apology about our upcoming book than continually talking smack about our kids. Lastly despite Jill’s interview that Alex’s tears had nothing to do with her, I can confirm how wrong she is and was.


So we have dinner, watch a fashion show (well actually only a few of us did – most were too busy gossiping to enjoy the clothes) and then Ramona after sweetly consoling LuAnn over that day’s divorce decree goes on to quiz Kelly, as only Ramona can, on whether she’s had her breasts redone in preparation for her playboy shoot? Was it an appropriate question – in polite society perhaps not but when you’re on a TV show and about to strip for Playboy it seems fair enough to me.

On that note – the episode is starting live and I need to get this in so you can hopefully read it in an hours time.

See you all next April Fools Day!

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