Don't Listen to Well-Meaning Morons

Don't Listen to Well-Meaning Morons

Simon talks Labor Day drama, the formation of the "Dissing LuAnn Society," and more!


So have you all recovered from Episode one’s verbal slugfest? It’s been interesting to read the cast’s respective blogs and see that some of them are dialing back their words under the guise of "It’s just good TV." That comment I certainly understand. But if you live by the sword (when you blog, comment and criticize those who appear on other Real Housewives’ shows) then surely you must also die by it too.

So after a quick recap of last weeks show, Bethenny and Jason await for the arrival of Ramona at the Pink Elephant. I know I am getting old, and yes, we’ve been to that club, but I just don’t get the attraction to sit around a crowded table at Midnight paying $200 for a bottle of Vodka (that costs $2 to make). Anyway another discussion ensues about the newly cut & coiffed Ramona, and I quote says Ramona, “I just thought my hair was like Samson & Delia.” Now, I don’t want to make a Mountain out of a Holemill but surely even if Ramona has forgotten the Old Testament, she is old enough to remember the Tom Jones's Delilah from 1968 and know about the second L?

Anyway, Bethenny and Ramona form the mutual ‘Dissing LuAnn Society’ and B tells Mario that his Count-less comment was an uncool thing to say. Hello Pot, my name is Kettle! Bethenny then compounds her error by using the made up word “attackive” as used by LuAnn during the Season 2 Reunion Specials. I sure hope she knew she was being ironic. Anyway it’s off to the dance floor and another of Ramona’s dances where she communicates with the techno gods.

The sun dawns and the new improved and less downtrodden Rosie appears in a scene that adds some human dimension to the recent divorce. It seems that no longer mopping up Aston’s pee and looking after ‘la famille de Lesseps’ has done wonders for her. In Rosie’s talking head interview we learn a more private side of LuAnn and that Rosie thinks she’s lonely and is worried for her. I will for the moment ignore LuAnn begging for a comment from Rosie on ‘how well she (LuAnn) looks’ as it as either a sign of a pretty fragile recent divorcee or a continuation of her self -centeredness.


Meanwhile, at a restaurant in Southampton Alex and I are waiting for our dining companions to arrive and lo and behold who should walk in but Ramona with Mario dressed as my almost doppelganger. I was wearing some of the 2009 spring/summer collection of one our favorite designers John Bartlett as was Mario. What you didn’t see was that we wearing the same pants as well. A funny moment!

After we all sat down, I am afraid I couldn’t resist bringing up the Cameron Diaz likeness which Alex had told me about after their boat trip the previous day. I know I flubbed it by calling her a younger Cameron but Ramona misheard that and reveled in the moment. We move onto the Count-less line and with some prompting Mario calls her and leaves a message about their impending Labor Day lunch party. Watching that scene again; seriously just who would have predicted that the four of us would have a normal, enjoyable dinner out after what went down in the first two seasons?

Breakfast dawns at the de Lesseps’ and it would seem that the breakfast spread as laid out was a revelation to Jill who in voiceover attributes the house being warm to the fact that the “count isn’t there.” Ouch! Jill brings up her anxiety about attending Ramona’s Labor Day party, which gives LuAnn an excuse to play the message that Mario had left. Jill paraphrases this as Mario saying, “Bring it on Bitch!” which to me is proof positive that she speaks a different language. Jill certainly brings it on by doing one of the most unscrupulous things you can do to anyone whether in business or to friends and that is to conduct a speakerphone conversation in earshot of another. Jill please never do this again, as I am sure that LuAnn would have told you that proper telephone etiquette dictates that you announce all parties when on a call.

I am not sure what ‘normal thoughts in her head’ Jill had, but allowing Ramona to speak such things about LuAnn when LuAnn was sitting there listening was not honorable at all. The funny thing is that Jill has made similar accusations about LuAnn to both Alex and me, and so I found it interesting that neither of them really denied Ramona’s accusation but merely commented on the fact that she had the nerve to state them. All Jill could say in voice over was she "didn’t know if there was any truth” about what Ramona said. With friends like Jill...


Across at Philippe Chow’s a courtship of Bethenny scene ensues, and while it’s no secret that Bethenny and I have busted heads many times, I can’t help but feel happy for her. Her sweet, little coy grin as Jason expresses his feelings, says a lot about how she feels. Her view on Alex and me was similar to my view on parenthood prior to becoming a parent. Before you ‘are’ something; a lover, a parent etc., you can’t quite get the concept and in the process express disdain for it and those who have it. But when you do fall in love, or become a parent; everything you’ve previously said is forgotten. Ah, the hypocrisy of life’s changes.

The following day at Ramona’s, she’s preparing for her lunch and if to cover her flub from last week she gets the molehill right this time, as she runs down who may or may not be attending. Over at LuAnn’s the dueling nature of these scenes comes into focus. Kelly wearing a lace T-shirt and not much else arrives seemingly with something that she must get off her chest. And so with platitudes like; authenticity, friendship, respect (for LuAnn only it seems), true and genuine, Kelly advises them that she has been chosen to be the Playboy 40th Anniversary Cover model and have a 10-page story about her. Now, do me a favor and take that link. The link itself is safe for work but the scream you utter when you see it might not be. Is Kelly really sitting there in September 2009 telling LuAnn and Jill that’s she’s been picked to be the January 1994 cover girl? Just how iconic is that! LuAnn chimes in to say that she might consider doing Playboy, which is interesting in light of what she had to say at the Season 1 reunion special. Now when she pulls out the cover of Playgirl she’d shot alls I can say is LOL.

Note to Ally – when you go on driving lessons DO NOT HAVE A BACKSEAT driver.



Bobby joins the gals and when told about Kelly’s cover divulges that he owns all the Playboy magazines from 1969-1998. TMI.

Over at Ramona’s, Bethenny and Jason arrive and as Ramona runs down the guest list Bethenny bites into a lemon the moment she’s told that Alex and I are expected. Over the summer the three of us had been at a couple of the same events but always managed to stay apart but now here we were about to be sitting at the same lunch table. All three of us would need to somehow clear the air early on otherwise the discord between us would risk overshadowing the lunch. Bethenny started covering her tracks on the logo and not long after we arrived Bethenny spoke to Alex about not using her logo and I just wish that she’d been as nice about it in her blog during Season 2. As we were serving ourselves lunch I took the opportunity to have my say to Bethenny about some other things she’d written in her Season 2 Bravo blogs but this time about me, like when she described me as ‘revolting.' We both had our say; reached a level of détente and moved on.

Honestly, when we had arrived at Ramona’s, Alex and I were expecting to walk into a party with 40+ people where it would have been OK for us to stay for an hour and then move on to LuAnn’s. A small lunch for 8 was a different matter and after we’d stayed much longer than we’d expected and given that we had to drive back to Manhattan that afternoon, it was getting less likely we were going to make it over.

But as we started our departure, Alex stated that she doesn’t obviously like to go behind people’s back, so presumably surreptitiously is all right? ;-) But all joking aside, Ramona convinced Alex to stay a while longer and not go over to LuAnn’s. How ironic that the RHONY Brooklyn ‘outsiders’ company is now being fought over by all. Jill states that Alex doesn’t like to take sides but as long as she takes Jill’s side that’s good but if she doesn’t then it’s a problem. So we don’t get over that day and stay a while longer with Ramona and Mario and with that we’re into previews for next week with a warning from Alex (and a chapter from our upcoming book.) Don’t listen to the well-meaning morons!

Make sure you keep up with us at And also follow me on Twitter and our joint Facebook page where we often liveblog each episode.

Until next week...

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