We open the episode with something the world has been waiting for -- a Ramona Singer and dog calendar photoshoot. Unfortunately, this calendar is not available to the public -- it's just a personal gift for Avery to use to countdown the days until vacation at college.
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We know that these toys were meant to keep Coco camera-ready, but hopefully they didn't distract Ramona from giving her best face. As Ramona said -- move over Kristen, you're not the only model mama.
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Sonja drops by, not to take some dog photos with Marley, but to discuss her legal issue with Ramona. But Sonja's a cat with nine lives -- and one who is not going to "lose her s---." However, Ramona worries she's losing her focus.
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While you might think that face is Ramona's shock at Sonja's many business propositions, don't be confused. That's a lot for her to process, but much more tricky for her to wrap her head around is the idea that Sonja would allow her pooch Marley to drink directly from her water glass. Looks like Sonja's letting Marley worm his way into her heart, and beverage selection, afterall. . .
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Heather's son Jax has struggled with his health since birth, most recently he's been experiencing some hearing loss.
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Heather wants to do all she can to make sure her baby boy is hearing her as well as possible, with and without his hearing aides. The doctors consensus: Jax's hearing is suffering, but with further testing they can see if he's eligible for a surgery to help restore some of his hearing.
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Kristen attempts to sit down with Aviva and make some soap -- and some inroads to friendship. But things don't go so well. After Kristen uses a toy to toy with Ramona's eyes, Aviva asks that they keep it non-hostile around the kids -- and then drops the f-bomb and tells her to stay out of it.
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Yup, she's shocked. Is this the tempery Aviva she feels she's been warned about. Is there any spare soap handy she can use to watch out Aviva's mouth?
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On the beach, Heather breaks down to Carole discussing Jax's many maladies. She wants to be able to fix just one thing for her baby boy.
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Ramona and Mario are having LuAnn and Jacques over for a little tennis -- and by a little tennis, we mean a game of championship-level intensity. No water until the breaks Ramona.
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LuAnn and Jacques just want to have a nice time.
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Kristen claims that she took tennis lessons as a tot -- but she's wearing track shoes. That does not fly at the Singer Sports club. Ramona sidelines Kristen for the night -- before trying to sideline her from the drama as well.
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Ramona doesn't want Kristen to get involved in the Heather/Aviva drama. What happened to the pretty girl that doesn't talk? Ramona says Kristen can think whatever she wants -- she just doesn't really want to hear about it.
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After spending the weekend in a state of stress, the call finally comes in. Jax's doctor gives her a ring to say that Jax is eligible for surgical fixes.
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That's the face of one happy, happy momma! Good news for Jax and great news for Heather.
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Ramona has the gals over for some Fourth of July margs --and her signature new rose, which Sonja thinks has a touch of burn. But the first burn Ramona had was for Kristen, she's annoyed about their tennis court tiff. They were playing bocce. Ramona sees this as a "chain thing." Who is going to defend Kristen because she's fighting with her now. Ramona's line in the sand: Stay out of my business. . . .So they're OK?
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Heather arrives and gets right to it ("Bitch, you blew off my party"), but Ramona blames the her lack of a head's up on the cosmos. Sometimes her text didn't go through -- but that sounded stupid so she didn't tell her that.
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Text kerfuffle withstanding, Ramona thinks Heather's a hypocrite. Heather thinks Ramona's a hypocrite. Ramona's theory: anyone that calls someone a hypocrite is a hypocrite. We call that the "Pot Kettle Black" theory.
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While Ramona wanted to keep this party drama-free, the trouble just rolled on. When Sonja was discussing the great success of her Caburlesque, Ramona chimes in that she heard it was a touch raunchy -- and then wonders if Sonja is a comedian. Zing. Ramona wants Sonja to pick one idea and stick with it. . .
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Sonja wants her friends to be supportive -- and not say things like her act could have used some polish (yikes LuAnn!). Sonja's response: "Yeah I could have been richer. I could have married better. I could have gone to a better party today. I could have had better friends than you guys. Coulda, shoulda, woulda."
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After huffing off, Sonja threatens to head to better pools with better friends. Ramona tries to "ziff it," but Sonja tells her she couldn't handle the pressure of being Sonja Morgan. Could this be the end of Ramonja? Telling someone "you couldn't handle a day in my life Singer" certainly isn't the road to brand new friendship bracelets.
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But a hug -- and some mediation by Aviva -- Frick and Frack manage to put it to bed for the day.
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The Sonja and LuAnn makeup didn't go over quite as well though, possibly because Sonja didn't love the decibel LuAnn was apologizing at. She would prefer if "Lu-Mann" would avoid critiquing her performances -- since she avoids critiquing hers.
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Carole drops in to record an audio version of 'Widows Guide,' but she's having a hard time enunciating. She keeps swallowing the penis . . .though she claims she's had practice.
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The ladies gather to make Kristen's dreams come true with an Elvis-style clambake. After Sonja has managed to hide her shoes properly (while ensuring that she can distinguish where her shoes are among the grass), she gives Ramona a touch of the cold shoulder -- which is fine, she just busies herself by washing her wine glass in the ocean. Then the ladies sit down and Heather shares her dream -- to mend the trouble of #BookGate.
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Heather wants Aviva to build a bridge. LuAnn wants Aviva to bury the hatchet. And everyone wants them to stop talking about the book. . .Here's hoping a quick chat by the fireworks will shut that down.
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Carole attempts to get Mario to set her up, with someone inside or outside of the "mafioso." But when Aviva comes over to steal her for a quick chat, Carole won't let go of Mario. After some prying, Carole finally lets go and they attempt to chat.
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Aviva attempts to set some ground rules (don't use the word rampage). The ladies watch from afar and hope that the arms down means they are getting somewhere -- but the arms don't stay down for long. Aviva starts counting, which is a terrible sign. Heather drops in -- and LuAnn even drops in (and nearly breaks Carole's foot), but to no avail.
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After the ladies are left to their lonesome again, Aviva brings out some props: an early edition of 'The Widow's Guide to Sex and Dating.'
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Carole is not pleased -- she would have been less shocked if Aviva had produced a gun. But despite Aviva's praise for the tome, Carole doesn't think the spine looks cracked. #BookGate rolls on another day. Happy Fourth of July!