Luann: Carole Should Stick to Tinder

Episode 4 always seems to be where the sagas really begin, and last night had me fairly fired up, if you hadn’t noticed. Carole and I were such great friends before, and I’ve been very disappointed by her this season. I slowly came to realize that when it comes to Carole, not everything is what it seems. There’s an element of “fake” in it, and you don’t really see it until it’s directed at you. You’ll see what I mean.

 I had no idea I’d have to keep an eye on a close friend, whom I would assume would know better than to pick up my staff. ”

Luann de Lesseps

I had friends over for a nice dinner to celebrate my new house. (Yes, that morphed into Brunchgate, but the intention was pure and all in hopes of having a good time with the girls.) I had no idea that Carole, ever-so-single and ready to mingle, would start mingling with my chef, who happens to be my niece’s recent ex-boyfriend and my son’s friend. I had no idea I’d have to keep an eye on a close friend, whom I would assume would know better than to pick up my staff. It was too soon and a little too close to my family. I understand someone can be attractive and someone can be looking for love, but there’s a certain level of discretion and respect that we women should maintain for our inner circles, especially when there’s close family involved. Carole was highly aware of that! Obviously, she knew she was in the wrong; this is why she struggled for so long on how to tell me. It seems everyone else, including Heather, knew about it. (And Heather even knows my niece, which was just a tad more insulting than I expected from her, too.) Ultimately, it was sneaky, disrespectful, and uncool.

So let’s review: barfing in pedicabs, looking for men in your girlfriends’ kitchens and thinking it’s cute, hiding inappropriate flings from those friends and wanting to announce your fling via a “screwing emoji” on a text…tacky. WHAT she did and HOW she did it is the problem. I’m fiercely loyal to my friends and devoted to my family, and when anyone crosses that line, I defend it to the fullest. Carole should stick to good ol’ fashioned Tinder and not scavenge for dates in my kitchen. Cool? OK, moving on.

Now, I’ll admit: This episode was the Carnival of Cougars #GodSaveTheCougars! The boys, of course, had no clue what a “Jordache jean” is…nor should they. But good ol’ fashioned story time with Carole and the children was hysterical. LOL!  At least the boys left having learned something new from a bygone era. Either way, I’m happy to have been there and celebrated Bethenny’s birthday with her. Awkward table dance and all. (By the way, Sonja’s never looked better, and Ramona’s got some moves, right? No wonder Peter wants to talk business with Ramona--so he can get down to business with Ramona!)

I adore Dorinda's daughter Hannah. She’s got a great sense of humor, is incredibly smart and really knows how to work a room. When it comes to John, it’s hard to disagree with her. I feel bad for Dorinda, of course, and how she can’t seem to bridge both sides of her life, but I empathize with Hannah on this one. The Dorinda and John dynamic is a very strange one. It makes me very uncomfortable, to be honest. I think it even makes Dorinda uncomfortable, too.

Dorinda Definitely Has a Type

Guys, let a lady order what she wants, OK? If you want to eat more, go home and get on Seamless. And if your date doesn’t have an appetite, I assure you she’d rather watch Curtis Stone and Bobby Flay have a throwdown than watch you throw it back while she sips on a martini. Then John really drove it home, overstepping boundaries that are not his to even come near. Of course, kids don't dictate a mother’s life, but every mother takes their child’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. If your kids don’t like your boyfriend, that’s almost worse than when your parents don’t like your boyfriend. Bethenny was right when she said having that “double life” is weird. If Dorinda was truly in a place where she wanted to be with this guy, she’d lay down the law with her daughter. Your kids ultimately go along with what makes you happy, even if they have to make a concession or two. This restaurant scene was enough to make anyone want to run onto a pedicab and puke all the way home.

Dorinda's Mama Bear Comes Out

Things are looking up, though. At least Bethenny and Dorinda bonded over a sample sale, and that’s the first stop on the road to recovery. I hadn’t seen Bethenny that excited in a long time. When the two diamond-crusted ladies in black arrived, the tone unfortunately changed and pots started to stir. I thought Heather went beyond the call of duty, as she tends to—with “Beth”—regarding Kristen’s non-invite to her birthday dinner. Kristen and Bethenny barely know each other! Of course, Bethenny is direct, and she can be aggressive. I think it’s now clear that once Bethenny gets to know someone, she’s all-in, and she’s a fun friend to have. But for me, once when they started to rebrand “widowry,” the party was over.

Bethenny Does Not Work Well With Others

But in the grand scheme of things, I hope you see the party’s really just getting started.

Be cool.

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Be cool.