Kelly Dodd: Vicki, Meghan and I Will Not Cower to Bullies
"It seemed my apology wasn't good enough."
If you missed reading my blog last week, my apologies. We were in England and focused on spending quality time with family and friends. Michael was born and raised in England, so this was a great opportunity, now that Jolie is 10, for Jolie to better understand her heritage. Besides, I really needed a break from the dealing with the fallout of the mean girl bullying.
We had a great time. We did some sightseeing, took Jolie to her first play, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and did some shopping and reintroduced Jolie to her Aunt and cousins. Jolie was so excited. She loved London so much she didn’t want to come home. Bravo did an online feature with photos from our trip. To view them, go here.
This week’s episode focused on a party Shannon threw for Tamra to celebrate her winning her fitness competition. I am tempted to reflect on my experiences and lessons I learned over the course of the season, but as the reunion is coming up, I’ll save that for another time. Stay tuned for the reunion and my future blogs, as I’ll share my views on the season’s tumultuous events and my relationships with the other ladies.
As Shannon was quick to point out, her party, the CarbFest, was two weeks after we returned from Ireland, which for me was a traumatic experience. In the interim, I had met with Meghan and Vicki and discussed the ambush that I experienced on the bus trip from hell. As a result, I was on good terms with both of them. I also had spoken briefly to Tamra at her event, and we had traded texts, so at least we were communicating. I didn’t reach out to Shannon or Heather other than some small talk at the competition. I felt they owed me an apology. It was strange to hear Shannon complain that I didn’t reach out to her, since the phone lines run both ways.
I appreciated Tamra extending the invitation to her party through Shannon. I was apprehensive about going because the clique’s (Heather, Tamra, Shannon) bullying antics were still fresh in my mind. Knowing that Meghan and Vicki would be there as support helped convince me to attend. Still, while I was wished for the best, I was concerned about how everyone would get along. I was fearful of another ambush. I am pretty sure Vicki was too.
Meghan coming to our house to socialize for a little while and ride with us over the to party meant a lot to me. Meghan introduced me to this group of women and has been advising me along the way on how best to deal with them. From my perspective, neither Meghan nor Vicki has had a devious agenda against me. Unlike the mean girl clique. I was so happy for Meghan when I learned she is having a girl. Raising Jolie has been the best experience of my life, and I am excited for Meghan to experience that too.
The way I think about this week’s episode is in two parts. Each woman or couple getting ready for the party, then the turmoil that happened at the event.
Watching the episode, it’s clear to me that from the start, Shannon, Tamra and Heather were all in spin mode trying to rewrite history and distort or deflect their behavior. Tamra was focused on Vicki spreading rumors. Once again Tamra talked about killing somebody, in this case Vicki.
Shannon was trying to act indignant again about what she deemed Vicki’s lies. As you saw later, Vicki stood her ground and refused to be labeled a liar again.
Heather claims to have learned “who we (Vicki and I) are” based upon how we behaved on the bus. The truth is that it’s Heather that was exposed. The Fancy Pants façade fell away and Heather’s true self righteous, pretentious self is on full display. She then tells Terry that my belief that I was ganged up on was “a joke”.
So yes, the spin was in. I’ve seen this now several times from these mean girls. Try to set me up, then when I catch wind of their scheme and it blows up in their face, they deny, lie, deflect, call me crazy, repeat.
Regardless, I am an optimist and try not to hold grudges. As we entered the party I tried to put the clique’s antics out of my mind, hope for the best and try to have a good time. Another chance to mend fences, even if it meant I had to apologize again and again, just to keep the peace, when really I didn’t believe any apology was really owed.
Vicki and I were invited. Didn’t that mean we were welcome? I guess not. It didn’t take long for the clique to separate from the group, all the while making snarky comments about us. Quickly, Vicki and I began to feel we were being snubbed and alienated. I think it's ironic that, at lunch with Shannon after the '70s party, she felt she could call me out for a lack of etiquette, when one of the first rules of etiquette is to make your guests feel welcome. For those of you paying close attention, you’ll notice Michael and I brought some champagne as a gift and I was also holding a gift-wrapped package when I got out of the car. Notice though that went I greeted Shannon outside the package was gone. In case you’re wondering, what was in the package, it was the book Etiquette for Dummies. I decided at the last minute not to give it to her, but now I regret holding back.
Tamra, playing her usual mean girl, s*** disturber role, broke out her hateful “gifts” just to stir the pot. Mine was public drunkenness. Ironic since Meghan and I were the only sober ones on the bus. I had no choice but to be gracious and laugh it off.
When Tamra went inside to give Vicki her “gift”, it turned out we were all in the area around the living room bar. We had critical mass. It was about to blow up.
Almost from the start I could sense that we would eventually have to deal with the elephant in the room. For some reason, Tamra said I shouldn’t use that term. I think she meant in front of certain people. I am not sure whom Tamra was talking about. Of course, the elephant in the room was how we all acted and what was said on the bus ride from hell. Everything that afternoon seemed to be leading up to that.
For starters, apparently, Shannon felt I owed her an apology. Again! I have learned by now that Shannon creates her own false reality. She convinces herself that she did nothing wrong, never does anything wrong, and is always looking to place the blame on somebody else. Then she expects an apology from that person for some reason.
So, I did, despite my best judgment, apologize for the mean things I said to Shannon. It seemed my apology wasn’t good enough. It’s never good enough. I don’t know why I bother trying to keep the peace and move on when Shannon continues to hold a grudge.
Then, as expected, Heather, the puppet-master, self-appointed ringleader and chief interloper had to jump in and try to take control of the conversation. Heather broke out her lexicon and wanted to explain my algorithm. I am pretty sure they don’t teach algorithms in drama school. Sorry Heather, you’re not the only one married to a smart man. Then she started trying to play shrink again, telling me I’m insecure and having a mental breakdown. Enough with your self-righteousness! You are no more qualified to evaluate someone’s mental health than you are being a Michelin rated chef. Oh that’s right, you don’t cook.
Lastly, I have learned that these mean, cliquey women have at least one thing in common; they all have no reservations about confronting people. They like to get in your face and assert their self-perceived dominance. Just because you have the balls to confront somebody doesn’t mean your should. Especially since Vicki, Meghan and I will not cower to bullies.
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