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Beep, beep, beep, let’s back up for a minute. I want to start by addressing some misdirection and spin MEghan used when commenting about me in her blog last week. Meghan called me a “liar”, “an opportunistic liar”. Yeah, right! When discussing our text exchange, as I read out it loud for the ladies at drag queen bingo, she said “And unlike Kelly, I do actually have the texts to prove it!” About me, Meghan says, “She lied in her blog last week when she said, ‘It’s a damn good thing that I kept those texts messages to show the women the truth...because those were MY saved texts and she was reading from MY phone at the table’”
Meghan is correct; it was her phone that I was quoting from. At drag queen bingo, I did not have my other phone with me, so I was unprepared. However, Meghan had text messages ready to go. Why? Because, she intended to air our “affair text exchange” at the first opportunity. When did you ever hear me say I was reading texts from MY phone? What I said was, “it’s a good thing I kept those texts”, which I did, and have. Is an omission of facts a lie? Sometimes, but in this case, I never misrepresented that I was using my phone. In reality, the fact that the texts were on her phone simply reinforces that truth that she started this fight. In my previous blogs, I have already proven she was hell bent on airing the issue and perpetuating rumors.
Meghan then goes on in her blog to say, “Let’s face it, Kelly was dating and engaged to someone else WHILE she was still married to Michael...she’s hardly someone to spread marital gossip.” How convenient of Meghan to omit the fact (she damn well knows) that, only after Michael and I had filed for divorce, did I get involved with someone else. Michael and I were divorcing for two years before we reconciled. Our separation was the most difficult time of my life. Divorce is hard on all parties involved, but life goes on...
Okay, now that I have set the record straight, here are my thoughts on this week’s episode:
I am sure that some viewers will take issue with me being filmed topless as Michael prepared a cast of my boobs. Personally, I have no problem with it. If you had asked me two years ago if I would be filmed topless as part of a reality TV show, I would have told you no f’ing way.
However, it doesn’t take long before you get really comfortable with having almost every aspect of your life filmed and recorded. So, being filmed topless didn’t seem like a big deal after all. We are not a prudish couple. Besides, I don’t consider that scene to be sexual. In fact, Michael said, “Give me a topic to think about. Anything, but this”.
How great are our guys? I thought it was sweet that Doug found solace in scripture for getting a vasectomy. I got a kick out of watching Doug’s expression as the doctor explained the procedure. He looked about as enthusiastic as a lamb at a barbeque.
You can tell that Diko is incredibly supportive of Peggy’s decision to get a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. He is there for her office visits and respects her decisions regarding her body.
Michael too supports my decision to get a breast reduction, even though he thinks my boobs are “perfect”. He respects that it is my body and whatever makes me happy is his priority. Michael has always been there with me at every medical procedure. For example, when we were going through IVF, he attended every doctor visit, administered all of my shots, he was present when the embryos were implanted, as well as attending all my prenatal care appointments. Not all of our husbands are so supportive, right Meghan?
Our house looks over the volleyball courts on the beach and we have wanted to host a volleyball game for a while now, but I until recently, I wasn’t copacetic with most of the ladies. I invited everyone to my party, except Meghan. She was in time out.
As folks started arriving at the beach, I was a little apprehensive, considering what went down with Ricky at Vicki’s birthday party and the fact Shannon and Tamra have gone out of their way to avoid Vicki at every other event. All I could do was hope that everyone would get along.
Watching Tamra and Shannon en-route in the limo cracked me up. I kept envisioning Tamra as Patsy and Shannon as Edina from the British comedy series, Absolutely Fabulous. Maybe it was the hats or maybe it was their banter, but I couldn’t keep from laughing out loud. In my mind, Tamra was Patsy (albeit a healthy version) and Shannon was neurotic Edina.
Once the volleyball game started up, everyone was having fun. Tamra, Shannon and I are all competitive by nature. Vicki is too, but physical coordination is not her forte.
Back at the house, I hosted a boob voyage party. It was a good excuse for everyone to get together and have fun. At first, I was hoping that the camaraderie from the volleyball game would carry over to the party. It didn’t take long for my hopes to be dashed. Reliving the party through this week’s episode felt like a preview of a reunion minus Andy, viewer questions, and a seating chart. We kept a score-card at the beach for the game, but we should have had one for the party. It was an emotional roller coaster. Lots of girl-on-girl action. We had laughter, tears, arguments, truth telling, misunderstandings, friendships strained and friendships strengthened.
I have to say I was impressed with Tamra’s ability to remain composed and navigate the drama that was directed at her, and swirled all around her. For once she kept her cool and kept everything in perspective. It was interesting to see Shannon literally stand behind Tamra to back her up in her argument with Vicki, but then Tamra didn’t reciprocate when Shannon’s argued with Lydia. A smart move on Tamra’s part! Watching Tamra dancing happily after eating cake at the end cracked me up.
For some reason I never actually woke to how invested Shannon is in keeping Tamra and Vicki from reconciling. Wow!
Lydia and Shannon just can’t seem to get their chemistry right. As sweet, patient and understanding as Lydia is, Shannon just seems to set her off. Their relationship isn’t oil and water, its gasoline and a match. No matter how hard she tries, Shannon somehow manages to find herself in the s*** with Lydia.
Then there is Peggy. This is the first time that Peggy didn’t remind us of her Armenian heritage or tell us how much everything costs. Who knew there was so much money in wheels? If I had known that I would have married the Michelin man!
You know my relationship with Shannon is resilient when we can literally be on opposite sides of the Tamra vs. Vicki feud and then minutes later be laughing uncontrollably at Peggy’s lame attempt to insert herself into our conversation. Unfortunately, Lydia misread why Shannon, Tamra and I were all squeezing each other’s legs under the table with every gaffe Peggy uttered. That set off another round of craziness.
Despite the Kelly + Vicki vs. Tamra + Shannon standoff in my bedroom, the misunderstanding and frustration between Lydia and Shannon, and the tension Peggy created by chiming in various topics, I somehow managed to finish the party on good terms with everyone. Maybe these women are finally starting to get me.
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