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Alexis and Tamra: A Whole Lot of Bully

Ep 4:'s Editor wonders what Vicki could have brought (besides Alexis) to make Tamra's gym party a success.

By Kim Moreau

Hello my little gym rats. I don't want to be accused of bullying, but I definitely think you should read on to make sense of the antics that went down in Tamra's gym.

How to Watch

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Mirror, Mirror
We open with Alexis visiting her good pal Vicki. Alexis brings Vicki a mirror so she can fully appreciate her newly style face -- and of course celebrate the fact that she was actually always beautiful. When Alexis said the mirror was for her to remember how beautiful she was on the inside, I really wanted the mirror to just hold a picture of Vicki's heart, because symbolize, you know? But I suppose this is a much more useful present. 

Besides just talking about pretty faces, Vicki had a real request during their visit. She wants Alexis to come with her as support (back-up?) for Tamra's big gym event. Vicki wants everyone to take their meanness to the playground -- not the gym, which is confusing because most grade schoolers also have a gym class. And so after some caterwauling, Alexis decides to attend. However, that does lead to two other issues. One: Vicki was having a hard time grasping the idea of wearing a dress to a fitness studio. Did Tamra tell them this wasn't a workout session? Why was this such a trouble spot? Can't you at least wear dresses in Zumba? Issue two was a little more pressing, Alexis also wanted to bring her pal Lydia. Alexis already had plans with the "Christian on steroids" (her words, because I think Lydia looks a little small to have been juiced), so why not throw her into the mix too? This whole dinner party is like mancala. Pick up whoever, whenever!

Radio GaGa
Next we see Heather heading out to share her adult wisdom over the radio waves. Heather starts her show off with a hot button issue: bullying. According to her definition, an honest opinion to a friend is not bullying. What happened to young Heather was bullying, though, which just broke my tiny heart. But as sad as the image of little Heather getting bullied is, we do come to realize that it all worked out to lead her to become the accomplished gal she is today. So, perhaps there might be some inkling of positive to this whole Alexis kerfuffle (not that I'm saying it is or is not bullying, I'm just saying there could be a silver lining or a playbook or Bradley Cooper in this whole mess).

Speaking of feeling slighted, Lydia and Alexis get together for a dual kids and adult playdate, and the first topic that comes up is engagement ring gate. Alexis is less than enthused, of course, but does take this opportunity to invite Lydia to the party at Tamra's. Mancala in action.

Over dinner with Doug and Lydia, the Dubrows discuss their place in Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine and eventually the A-word. Heather thinks there is something suspect about Lydia suddenly being dealed into Tamra's party. Lydia does her best to stay out of it, and Heather also does her best to also keep young Lydia out of the fray. We'll see how long that lasts.

Meanwhile, Tamra is trying to dress herself for the big evening event. But, as she explains to Eddie, her outfit choice is of little concern considering the expanding and stressful guest list. This is giving Tamra her signature stress stomach, so we'll see if she even makes it to the dinner without doubling over. Perhaps Eddie should help her pick out some Tums in a coordinating color.

Thankfully, Tamra has a psychic arrive to ensure the space is appropriately blessed before anything happens. The pyschic predicts that the evening will go well. . .I wonder if her predictions about when the gym were going to be done turned out any better. We all have off days right?

Yes, as anyone with an inkling of sixth sense might have imagined, this did not go well. Perhaps Vicki's choice of ridiculously large flower arrangement should have been a tip off that this was not off on a good foot (it looked like and Adrienne Maloof-special right?). It was clear from the ladies' arrivals that this was not going to go well. Even Gretchen and Lydia's chat about boyfriends was probably the most tense line of questioning about a person's love life in history (and that's counting every holiday with my family). And then this convoluted who's on first/who's baby is it thing happened about Baby Troy, which lead to Vicki calling Gretchen a stupid person.

Note: Calling someone a stupid person is never a great way to begin the evening.

There was a brief respite of up when Vicki tried to toast to a clean slate, but Tamra went right in to ask why Alexis wanted to be there at all. And the lawsuit allegations came up. Tamra has a list! Where is the list? Show me the receipts!

From there it was a lost cause. People were talking about putting their hands up. Heather is doing her best to make sure her eye contact is up to Alexis' standard and then she just glazes. If only she had glazed a little sooner. Perhaps everyone could have glazed. It could have been like a lovely donut of peace in there.

And then San Francisco came up, which is when you know things are going to get really bad. I'm surprised the ladies aren't just carrying this episode around on their iPhones to bring up whenever the topic of bullying arises. "I present to you Exhibit A, a YouTube clip of our San Francisco vacation." At that point Alexis tries to talk over Heather, and that's when all get out gets out, as my grandmother used to say. Tamra starts moving Alexis' chair, which is the most ladylike yet forceful way to remove someone from a party.

We'll have to wait until next week to see how long it takes Alexis to leave the actual shindig, and who she takes with her in her tearful limo ride. Until then, leave your thoughts on the whole hoopla in the comments. Could this have been prevented? Or was a Alexis/Tamra face-off going to happen no matter where it was? What does "glazing" even mean? Is it a crafter's term?

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