Terry's D Word and Tamra's B Word

Ep 5: Bravotv.com's Editor wonders why biking is ruining Tamra's sex life and why Vicki is always looking for a fur coat.

Hello friends and bicycle enthusiasts. I hope you enjoy the taste of wine mixed with bitter tension because all is not well with our RHOC ladies. They're mad at their man folk and mad at each other. Let's recap shall we.

Toe Nailing the Line
Before we get into the Heather/Terry kerfuffle, let's talk about the depths of their love. Personally, all of this hullabaloo doesn't bother me because I know these guys love each other more deeply than 87 percent of couples in the world. Why you ask? Well because there was a time when Heather regularly trimmed Terry's toe nails. That is love my babies. And if they love each other that much, than Terry can stop being a "butthead" and Heather can forgive him for it. Just give the woman some support and some breath between jokes Dr. Dubrow.

In other love stories, Eddie really, really loves his bicycle. Like occassionally would prefer to ride it instead of something else (Tamra). And that's why he's coming to Malibu -- oh and also because of wine! But seriously, can I ask the internet to please create a montage of Eddie getting "recharged" along to that Queen song? Because now that's all I see in my mind. 

Anyway, the gang's all heading to Malibu for wine times. Lydia brought the most amazing hat. Terry didn't have to bring his doghouse, so that's good. And hopefully Vicki and Tamra brought their most healing wine charms.

And so the ladies start quaffing their favorite vinos, and things are going nicely. It's not champs, but it will do. And hey, it's sold by a nice man and his daughter, emphasis on daughter Vicki. . .

Single Occupancy
After all that wine drinking, the whining begins. Vicki's sad to be a party of one at the hotel, but she's not exactly getting loads of sympathy for her single bed status. Then over dinner, the whining turns to topics of how uncomfortable Tamra's CUT Fitness party might have been. Lydia does mention that Alexis is feeling rather hurt about the whole thing (even if she isn't exactly a white dove). Next whiner: Terry who is not super pleased that Heather's making out with loads of actors -- unless it allows him to make jokes about it. Heather's not pleased about the joke. What's Tamra unhappy about: the fact that Vicki started an alcohol line separately and didn't tell her about it. 

So basically dinner was great. . . 

Breakfast of Champions
The next morning conversation gets even heavier. The men are out and about biking (just for a brisk six hours) putting Eddie's love affair with his cycle even more of a hot seat. But if biking is such a major make-it-or-break-it issue, Heather and Terry have an even bigger bombshell -- which is Terry admitting that he's used "the d word." Yipes. While Terry later explains that he just wanted people to know Heather wasn't overreacting, I think this might have been a joke to keep firmly between the two of them. Vicki then gives a very illustrative metaphor explaining that the word divorce is like a brick, and can eventually build up a wall between you and your partner. Thankfully the bikes roll in using their thin wheels to cut the tension.

Sadly things only get worse at the next vineyard. Vicki says she's looped out of the wine picking so she focuses on trying on fur coats (related: how many fur coats does Vicki need? Aren't they in California?), and then announces that's she's got to get back to Los Angeles.

That does not go over well. . . 

And so Vicki heads back home. We'll see how the next business meeting goes over. It's going to be tough, particularly since Tamra admits that she doesn't know how to talk about emotion. Don't we all feel like we learned a little bit about the inner workings of Tamra? Do you feel for her more than you did before?

And so we're left to wonder how Wines by Wives can ever work and more importantly how Vicki and Tamra ever can. Until next week -- which also marks the return of Lauri. Who is excited? Leave it in the comments.

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