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Vicki's Hindsight

Vicki wishes she and Tamra's friendship had gone differently -- even if Tamra's still lying about her to Eddie.

By Vicki Gunvalson

All I can say is: "OMG -- Bad hair day" at Heather's party! And what the heck was I doing filming right after surgery? I really looked rough! Ugh that was hard to see now that it's almost six months ago.

How to Watch

Watch The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo Thursday, July 11 at 9/8c and next day on Peacock. Catch up on the Bravo App.

The continuation of Heather's clambake was this week's episode. I think Heather put Tamra and I across from each other in hopes that we would take the time to at least break the ice and talk to each other. It had been nine months since I had seen or spoken to Tamra, and, although I knew it would be uncomfortable, it was time we finally talked. I missed Tamra and really feel awful on how we ended our friendship at the end of last year. It was good talking to her in the wine cellar and I'm hopeful it's the start of healing and mending the hurt that happened to both of us.

It's definitely been a really rough year for me, and that I can't deny. I tried to not burden anyone with my problems, and it's hard to hear some of them talk so nasty about me. If I did share everything I was going through, it would have fallen on deaf ears or they would hold it against me and so my thought was to just keep it inside and not "go there."  I wasn't looking for any attention by having my surgery, I was looking for an improvement. My doctor actually said that no matter who you are, we all could use a little "tweak" here at there. I was at the point in my life, where I figured "What the heck. . .why not?"

One of the ladies had said that I had my surgery done for sympathy or attention. It was actually done for ME. It was done nothing more than to try and improve my looks -- no different than renovating anything else. People do it all the time. But, unfortunately, mine was done too close to the show starting, and I was very swollen. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done it so close to our start of the season. I don't like the way I looked in the first several months of filming and am quite embarrassed about it.

So. . .if you have anything negative to say about it -- please do me a favor and refrain. I agree with you that I looked BAD! The fortunate part is now that it's been six months since the surgery, I have full movement of my face and mouth and most people say that I look just "refreshed," and can't really tell that anything was done surgically. Phew! Thank God.

The "Radio Slade" segment was a joke. Slade's sole purpose of being on the radio was to bash the Housewives and, for that matter, anyone else he felt compelled. He thought it was funny.I thought it was disgusting. For him even to comment on my looks at the party was very wrong. He wasn't even there, and it's obvious Gretchen came home and told him I had surgery. I guess Slade isn't happy unless he's making fun of a person's looks. Since when did he become so perfect? Stay tuned for more of Slade's wonderful comments on the other women as well. It's not just me. He simply thinks that by making fun of women is a "normal" thing to do. I, on the other hand, find it classless and rude. 

I don't know of anyone that can deny the fact that when life is tough it's tough. You try and put a "poker face" on to show your friends everything is fine -- however they can usually see right through it. For the past year or so, Brooks and I have had a ton of outside pressures that simply we didn't know how to handle and we went through times where we were not seeing each other or talking one another. That didn't mean we didn't care for each other, we just decided it would be best to cool it for awhile. What that meant was we were not in communication daily and I didn't bring him around the group. I was focused on getting myself healed from the inside out. I was taking time for myself and he was taking time for himself. I'm sorry if people didn't understand it, it was what we felt needed to be done. The truth of the matter is I cared for him a lot, loved him but we both were tired of all the negativity. I was tired of everyone telling me what I should do instead of me making the decision myself. Brooks is an amazing man, a caring man, and he became my best friend. We realized if we had ANY chance at all of making our relationship work, we needed to not only take a break, but also to be private and not to discuss our relationship with anyone.

I don't know if any of you have been in that place before, but it's really tough. I am 51 years old, and I know what's good for me and what isn't. I don't need anyone watching out for me. I will be the one who makes the final decision on my future. . .and God.

Having Troy, Briana and Ryan at the house prior to Ryan deploying was a huge blessing for all of us. I have been able to help them out so they can have their "date nights" and I've also been able to see Troy on a daily basis. I cherish those moments when we all are together in the house because I know that when Ryan returns from being deployed they will most likely be relocated.

Briana said it correctly -- the divorce, the elopement, the birth of Troy, my dating life, the house renovation and the daily pressures of Coto Insurance & Financial Services made my life really stressful. I wasn’t asking for sympathy, just understanding from my friends. I know with life there are good seasons and bad seasons, and unfortunately this past year was a rough season. I know that this was just a "season," and it would pass, but for my friends to speak so nasty about me that I was faking it or wanted attention was just awful to hear. I was damned if I told them everything and damned if I didn't.

Hearing Eddie say those nasty things about me in his kitchen was extremely hurtful. He obviously forgot the hurt that I went through with Tamra last year and it wasn't entirely my fault. I will take blame for yelling at her, but it was months and months of un-comfortableness between us, and it just reached a boiling point. When Tamra told Eddie about our conversation in the wine cellar, she did not share with him the truth. Instead she lied and said completely the opposite of what transpired. I thought we were breaking some walls down, however she didn't relay that to him, which was wrong in my opinion. Eddie heard only negative comments about our conversation from Tamra, instead of what actually was discussed. I just wish she had told him the sincerity of the moment. Instead she glossed over it and made it non-emotional.

I did everything I could with my friendship with Tamra to support her and her decisions when it came to divorcing Simon and dating Eddie right away. But when roles were reversed, she didn't support me at all. She really hurt my feelings, but if I could take back that night at Heather's house last year I would. In hindsight, I should have walked away and called her the next day, versus getting so upset with her in front of everyone. I am growing and learning to be better in how I handle conflict each and every day. Isn’t that what life is about?

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