I know our blogs are to recap what has happened on this week's episode, but to be honest with you, the show is the last thing on my mind right now. For today's blog, I want to share with you what is weighing heavy on my heart.
I would like to start my blog by saying this has been the most devestating week of my family's life, and I want to thank my family, friends, therapist, fans and complete strangers for their support. I have gotten so many messages from people sharing their similar stories and it really has helped me get through some tough hours. To be accused of exaggerated and false allegations is every mother's/father's nightmare. I would not wish it on anyone and my heart goes out to all those parents that are dealing with the exact issue. As I always say...DIVORCE DOESN'T HURT KIDS, ANGRY/BITTER PARENTS HURT KIDS.
My children are my life and I love and cherish them with all my heart. It's a love that only a parent knows. All I ever wanted to be was a mother, just like my mom and my grandmother. I even wrote in my blog that even though it is hard to share your children 50-percent of the time, I believe that divorced children should have both parents in their lives. I have always told the children that it would be great if their dad could live right across the street so they could see us both every day. It's unfortunate that he doesn't feel the same way.
It truly is ironic that this episode aired while all this is happening. I had NO idea that what was filmed six months ago, my pain of sharing my kids, would be what I am dealing with today. What most people didn't know is that my relationship with my 15-year-old, Sidney, was strained and she decided that she wanted to live with her Dad. This came as a total shock to me! Sure, I knew things were not prefect and we didn't always see eye-to-eye, but I thought it was her age? I had the same issues with my mother when I was her age. I often wonder if my parents had been divorced if I too would have ran to my dad? I was in my 20s when my parents divorced and it was extremely hard on me. I choose my mom's side and didn't talk to my dad for years. That has now come to bite me in the butt, and I think about the pain I caused my dad all those years.As parents we are NOT perfect and we make mistakes, but family is everything. I had to hide my tears daily to protect Sidney from this getting out and being made public. Fifteen is a very hard age and I knew if this went public it would be SO hard on her. But now that all this info has been released we have to deal with the public pain as well. I have been called some pretty harsh names in the press like "Monster Mom" and my daughter has had to deal with some mean comments on her social media -- she decided it was best to shut it down. We continue to work on our relationship with the help of a therapist, and some days things seem good and others, she pulls away.
Divorce is painful and parents sometimes put children in the middle which causes kids to pick sides which is devastating to the other parent. I think Wendy Williams broke down on camera when her 13-year-old decided he didn't like her anymore.
This has effected every member of my family -- my kids are hurt and confused, my brother is upset and feels he needs to prove to the world that I am an amazing mom. I see the tears in my mom's eyes when she looks at me and the kids, and my dad wants to get on a plane to be by our side.
I cried to my dad on Easter and he said some something to me that made me open my eyes and snap out of my depression: "It's time to stop defending yourself and fight for what is important to you." It's hard enough to deal with this privately but to deal with this publicly can really push you over the edge. I know this too shall pass and he has no foundation to his allegations, but it still hurts me to see the kids going through this. Thank you to everyone that has reached out to me.
There was some confusion at dinner with Heather that I wanted to clear up. Me wanting to have a child with Eddie and having my kids 50-percent of the time were two different issues. I don't think Heather understood what I was trying to say. Being newly married and absolutely in love with my husband, I naturally want to have a child with him. He is an amazing step-father to my kids and in the past, expressed he would like to have one of his own. I want to share with him the love of a baby and not the replacement of my kids when they are at their dad's house. I understand that I am 46 and have had my tubes tied and a year ago went through emergency abdominal surgery and had some female issues that prevent me from caring my own baby. But there are so many options for us to explore, stay tuned to see what happens next.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me an outspoken mouth! I have gone through a lot of struggles in my life and this one is no different. I believe that when this struggle is over that I will have the platform and the mouth to help others.