Candiace Dillard: The Girl Is Contradicting Her Damn Self

Candiace Dillard: The Girl Is Contradicting Her Damn Self

"...I would just like to know why?"

Bravotv.com: You were very open with the ladies about your mother and how she diagnosed you at such a young age as bipolar and then you also revealed that she had recently called you a “dumbass bitch”. Katie jokingly gave you some advice to call your mother on the phone and say she’s a bitch. How does it feel to open up to the ladies about all of that?

Candiace Dillard: I didn’t plan to reveal such personal details about our relationship to the ladies right then, but I suppose I didn’t realize how much I was thirsting for a release. It felt cathartic to just say what was going on in my life without fear of criticism or prosecution for speaking about personal family matters. It’s very taboo to talk about your personal family issues at all, much less outside of the home in the south (where I’m from). I was raised to believe everything concerning family is to be kept under wraps. “Exposing” familial matters by talking about them with anyone is frowned upon. I’m approaching a time in my life where I’m growing weary of pretending like absolutely everything is fine when, inside, I’m struggling. It sends the wrong message and I don’t want to perpetuate that kind of “coping” anymore.

Bravotv.com: We see you continuing to question Ashley’s intentions about getting pregnant since she continues to drink. What is making you upset about that situation?

CD: I am fully aware of the fact that a few drinks at the beginning of a pregnancy/before you know you are pregnant can have little effect on a fetus. MY POINT IS, the girl is contradicting her damn self and I would just like to know why? ESPECIALLY BECAUSE she’s miscarried before...wouldn’t you want to do EVERYTHING by the book to conceive after a loss like that? Ashley is bending and breaking all the rules. So I’m just having a hard time believing her. FURTHERMORE, there’s no contrary evidence like harboring the big ol’ piece of mess I’m carrying about Michael at L2...are you sure you’re trying to get pregnant when your husband is making advances at other people? #QTNA

Bravotv.com: What did it feel like touring the plantation and sharing that experience with the rest of the ladies?

CD: As an African American studies minor at Howard University, I’ve studied, analyzed, hypothesized, read, discussed, and lamented over this very dark time in our history. Almost to a numbing degree. Nothing hits as hard as being on the grounds where it took place, though. Having the opportunity to bring my curriculum to life in this way makes me shiver. Learning about the transatlantic slave trade and the pillaging of my ancestors as a student; attending lectures and analyzing the mental physical and eventual sociopolitical ramifications of the slave trade and daily life on a plantation — the assimilation of an entire CULTURE of subordination and relegating humans to 3/5 of a person, it all just JUMPS off the page at you when you are walking the land, and viewing the fields and structures that made up the dwellings of these people.

The effects of slavery are absolutely still felt to this day. It’s a debilitating feeling to know your ancestors suffered in such an unimaginable way for so long.

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