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I'll Always be Tom's Number One Fan

Kristen reflects on her emotional fight with Tom, and how his breakdown helped heal their broken relationship.

By Kristen Doute

I was surprised that Tom wanted to start a three hour car ride and the beginning of that weekend by talking about the fight we had the night before. We didn't fight about face wipes or anything else trivial. We fought because Tom was coming home at 5 a.m. most nights, and was completely absent from my life. He would stay out all night and sleep in all day. I didn't have a boyfriend, let alone a best friend or a live-in partner.

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It's easy to watch the episode and think, "I would run away from her, too," but I acted that way beccuase of the months of Tom not being present in my life -- or in our relationship. I actually had my headphones on most of the car ride because I didn't want to fight, so I didn't know that Stassi had stuck up for me until I watched it back. It's nice to know that in that moment, I wasn't as alone as I had felt.

I totally understand how annoying and tiring it was for Katie and Stassi to be around our bickering as often as they were. But let's not pretend as if Katie and Schwartz don't fight and that Stassi and Jax didn't fight. Endlessly. The tables had then turned. I was desperately clinging to the way Tom and I used to be, hoping it would turn around. There was never a point where we both threw in the towel at the same time, so I thought he was worth fighting for. We fell in love for so many reasons and I just wanted it back.

Oh, god. Hi, I'm Kristen -- the drunk, mean bitch of a girlfriend. . .nice to meet you. That first night in Arrowhead was horrifying to watch. My issue with Tom for so many months had been a lack of communication. We would fight at night and he would wake up and pretend like everything was fine. I was a bottle of hurt, distrust, and anger that literally had been shaken up too many times. When the alcohol started flowing, so did my emotions.

At that point in time, days would go by where I would rarely see Tom and affection was at the bottom of an infinite well. . .So, although he was in a great mood and on a high from the anticipation of his upcoming show, I couldn't get myself out of the funk we had been in for so long. It was late, we were all wasted and Tom started yelling -- waking up Stassi's sister. Between the guitar and the yelling, I felt like he was being selfish and I just wanted the night to be over with.

I am and always have been Tom's number one fan. We met and started dating over music and our mutual love for the guitar. I have always supported his music and am so proud of how much he's accomplished over the past few years.

Here's a little inside scoop about the mind of TSandy: he's all or nothing. He's very ADD and a little OCD, so when he has his mind set on something, everything else disappears. He has the attention span of a housefly. During this time, his band was his life. I'm all about giving 110 percent, but he wasn't giving anything to his priorities and responsibilities. I went from girlfriend to personal assistant/maid. If I had started going out ‘til 5 am every night, he would have raised hell, too.

Seeing Tom cry literally broke my heart. But, at the same time I was finally getting emotion out of him. Like, yes, dammit, now he knew the frustrations I'd been feeling! We walked away during the lunch and had a really amazing, heartfelt conversation. It was the first we had had in so many months. I'm not proud of the way I acted the night before, but if that's what it took to get him to respond, at least we had that crucial breakthrough. It turned our whole weekend around.

Did you see how truly stoked Tom was on that stage!?! Confident, passionate, blissful. I couldn't have been more proud or more attracted to him in that moment. It took me back to when we first met. For him I will proudly wear the groupie badge because it means I get to have sex with the lead guitar player. Support local music, sleep with a musician. (As long as it isn't someone's boyfriend.)

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