Katie on the Dark Side

I was really stoked to play Lake Arrowhead and especially to open up for Martha Davis. My band, Pierce the Arrow, started with the singer Brayden as an acoustic act. After having just left my previous band InVictory, I joined up with Brayden with the intention of taking some of his songs along with our own and creating a much bigger sound.  We quickly went from us to a full five person group.

In the short time we have been a band we have played most of the Sunset Strip and a few small festivals, most of the time opening up with other up-and-coming acts. The reason opening up for Martha Davis and the Motels was so important and big for us is because it opens the doors to open up for her in future shows, as well as getting exposing us to a broader audience.

I can tell you that creating a band and trying to get it to the next level takes a colossal amount of work and time. Five members means five schedules, five sets of equipment, five pinions, and also five liabilities. There is so much prep and moving parts that go into a live band performance that if one of my 10 pedals fail or a single power cord is forgotten it can stop a performance in its tracks. We don't have roadies or techs, so everything is on us, and mainly on Brayden and I.

The amount of time and energy that goes into these big performances and a band puts so much stress on relationships. Kristen sometimes refers to my band as "my other girlfriend," and in someways maybe I agree with her. I will say that it is such an unbelievable high when all your hard work pays off -- because you rocked the house, everything came together, and your audience is going crazy and giving you so much love! I would say for me it's more of an addiction. . .Haha!

It seems a little hypocritical for Jax to tell me to break up with Kristen when he just got his ex-girl's name tattooed on his arm and is getting shot down (even more so than me). I was fighting for a relationship that I was STILL IN. Not like Jax, who was stuck in the past and groveling for scraps like a pathetic dog from someone who doesn't give a s---.

Also, deep down, I know Jax well enough to know that part of his motivation for getting Stassi back was just wanting something he can't have. Versus my situation, where I just wanted for Kristen and I to find our happiness again in our relationship and find the love that deep down was still very much there.

I felt it was pretty typical for Katie to put her sassy two cents in. I often refer to her as "the relationship police," and when she's drunk it can be an overall nightmare (like all the mean things she said to Scheana at her birthday party). "Katie going to the dark side" is what most of us call it when she crosses that threshold when drinking. I can promise you that if the positions were reversed, she would have no qualms with busting in my room to not talk but actually yell at Schwartz.

I went into the room because I wanted to TALK to MY girlfriend, not get yelled at by Katie or to have to justify anything to Katie. I should've known that if I got into any argument with her she would say the most hurtful thing she could to me. It's pretty typical when she's at that point. I should've just known not to walk in the lion's den. I probably should have just gone to bed and not went to confront Kristen about rejecting my kiss goodnight, but I was so hurt and stressed and had pretty much had my fill of Katie telling Kristen to break up with me. I didn't know how I would actually be able to sleep in that state of mind, and right then I couldn't afford to be stressing out about my relationship. What a nightmare. . .

The last thing I ever wanted to do at lunch was break down in front of everyone. One of my biggest shows yet is just hours away and the blows finally got to me. What actually disturbs me the most about what happened at lunch was the way Stassi found humor in watching me lose all my pride and crumble. For someone who threw constant public temper tantrums and cried all the time during her and Jax's relationship to act that way was truly appalling. . .Did you trade your conscience for a handbag or something? And sorry to say, but nobody at the table agreed with you except maybe Katie -- but that doesn't count because sometimes I think Katie will agree with anything you think or say.

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It had been months of being told to go f--- another girl in Vegas with loads of passive-aggressive remarks and flat-out aggressive remarks made to me by Kristen (with Katie and Stassi always ready to chime in). It was always one embarrassing social bashing after another. My pride finally gave way. I stopped being embarrassed and just felt horribly sad. And the reason was because I knew that deep deep down, underneath all the anger and animosity was a Kristen who was still very very much in love with me. I knew it as sure as I know the earth is round and THAT is exactly why I never gave up! It's not because we had been together so long! And if it took me breaking down and hitting emotional bottom for Kristen to finally start to connect with me, then fine! So be it! They say moments of your life flash before your eyes just before you die. Well, later that night watching Martha perform "Only the Lonely" with Kristen and I holding each other, in each other's arms, back in love again. . .well it's safe to say THAT moment will definitely be one of those moments that flash.