I had no desire to do this photoshoot for many, many reasons, but let's just cover the basics first. My day was a continuation from the day before because I had barely gotten any sleep with the thoughts of this Jax and Kristen scandal playing over and over in my head all night. The photoshoot pics all end up on SUR t-shirts, the SUR website, and a coffee table book that I can't even got a copy of (which I've repeatedly asked for). I've modeled for 15 years and have done countless campaigns, billboards, and magazines. So unless you're calling my agent and offering a day rate, I'm going to show up whenever I damn well feel. And you better be happy that I even showed up at all, considering that the only way I'm going to see any of these pics is on SUR merchandising. It's a waste of my time since I don't need more modeling pictures. I feel like I've done enough charity work to promote SUR. This also takes me away from time I could be spending on my projects and things I need to get done.
The last time I saw the classless Stassi and Jax, they had orchestrated the ultimate ambush, when they decided it was in good taste to divulge catastrophic information to me in front of a room full of friends and co-workers. It's seems like they felt it was their duty to make sure everybody Kristen and I work with and even complete strangers know my personal information.
Whether true or not, I can't think of a more horribly inconsiderate way to handle revealing extremely personal information about someone's relationship. So now I get to be around people who, before this information came out, cut Kristen off, and who have their heads halfway up Stassi's ass. What? So I can waste my time taking pictures I don’t need? So I can get their jaded opinions of what I should do with my life and my relationship? Oh and let's not forget I get to hang around and take pictures with my good ole buddy Jax (who suddenly has been transformed into a "good guy"). And now that I have a FULL grasp of what's happened, Here's my friend who I have done SO much for and helped who I have starkly realized has monumentally f---ed me over. So as you can see, it's a little tough to be happy, smile, and look good. The very presence of some of these people makes my stomach turn. Part of me wants to just leave SUR behind, head to Mexico, and escape this whole mess.
I asked Stassi for details because I knew that Jax had told her far more than he had told me. I had heard that supposedly Jax had said it happened on Thanksgiving, the night he picked Kristen up from my place, and also one other time when he had spent the night at MY place. So I was looking for any inconsistencies to his story.
I didn't put it past Stassi to take Kristen's phone at a different time to send a different series of text messages, just to validate her position. If you think back, just before Jax came clean about he and Kristen, most of us really didn't want anything to do with him. Kristen, Katie, Stassi, me -- even Scheana -- were sort of sick of Jax's annoying s--- -disturbing, party-crashing behavior. I've known Jax long enough to realize that he will do just about anything for attention, especially when he's desperate. He doesn't mind making himself look bad in the process. At this point, what does he have to lose? He even invited me to his b-day dinner and tried to act like everything was cool. He sent me a text saying that I could come to his dinner and pretend like we don't know each other. He sent another text saying "U know UR definitely invited tonight, these are all your friends too". I think deep down, he was worried that no one would show up.
At this point, Stassi and Katie had already de-friended Kristen because Kristen didn't break up with me and she didn't follow their "instructions." When Stassi isn't friends with someone, she demands that no one can be friends with them either. She becomes obsessed with something or someone to take the attention off the fact that she is cruel. It’s like what she did with Jax last summer in Vegas. It was a smoke screen to erase the fact that she had cheated with Frank for almost a month BEFORE breaking up with Jax.
As far as Stassi telling me I'm in denial, and I "need to break up with Kristen," the bottom line is: it's MY choice and MY relationship. I'm not going to be making life-changing decisions at the whim of Stassi (who hated Kristen pre-Jaxed)! Save that for Kristina Kelly, LOL! We are nowhere near the same situation!
At the time of the allegation, I was in a relationship with someone I was still in love with. Not stringing along my ex just to have my ass constantly kissed. The way Stassi said, "I have a support system and I wasn't alone," came across to me like someone who is just trying not to look like a total bitch. Let's face it, Stassi is enjoying the attention of being the victim the way someone enjoys the first few seconds of slowly submerging themselves into a jacuzzi.
I hated the fact that this Jax and Kristen thing seemed to be the topic of everyone's conversation. The fact that Lisa said she had heard about Jax and Kristen long before now from Guillermo back when it had first happened made it that much harder to believe that they hadn't slept together. But still, I knew that deep down Lisa didn't really care for Kristen and has a tendency to take sides. But, I think the reason I broke down was subconsciously because of the security I feel in Lisa's presence and also the fact that I had barely slept the night before. I hated the situation I was in, but most of all, this was maybe the beginning of accepting that this had probably actually happened. . .twice. Plus, I felt like I was in the presence of someone I could trust during a massive collision of emotions.
What really got me to finally accept the fact that Kristen had actually slept with Jax was going to see my friend since sixth grade, Doug, after the photoshoot. Doug had nothing to do with the situation, but knew everything about it. Until then, I had only talked to people who all had the same thing in common. None of them liked Kristen at the moment. Also he has known the entire history of our relationship since the very VERY beginning.
Doug and I spent hours looking for programs to see if it would be possible to insert new text into already existing conversations. But, how was it possible to have them put in at the exact time they were supposedly sent, the day after Peter's birthday? The day when Katie got drunk and first blurted out the rumor she had heard. The reason these texts were such an issue was because they were sent long before Stassi sent the text to Jax using Kristen's phone. Trust me, it was the very first thing I thought of when I first heard about these "other texts." It became immediately obvious that these were definitely NOT the same group of texts.
So after a while of really going through all the details and looking at different scenarios, I painfully realized that there was no other possibility. I also realized that this was the same time period Kristen was so distant and cold to me. She literally slept on the couch on Valentine’s Day. . .and three days later on her birthday, she spent most of the night putting me down and being so flat out mean to me that most of her friends were reaming her out for acting so hostile. I approached the situation differently from the way Kristen had when she was hearing rumors. I chose to believe that she was innocent until proven guilty. I feel the reason why Kristen was so adamant about denying she and Jax had slept together was because it took place BEFORE my infamous "Vegas incident." So, the entire time Kristen was mad at me for straying from my horrible relationship by doing what I did in Vegas, she was doing far worse. . .with a friend of MINE! I've also learned that Kristen will never admit to anything unless she is literally caught in the act. She will deny, deny, deny until years later when I have already moved on from that issue.
The next day before Scheana's engagement party at SUR, I decided to REALLY confront Kristen about the Jax situation with the mindset that it actually did in fact happen. Of course she continued to deny everything. Mind you, this is after a week of me begging her to find a way to fake the text messages so I could believe her. All I wanted from her was a reason so I could believe this was not true! Deep down I was looking for any reason to not have to accept that Kristen and Jax f---ed multiple times. After a little while of talking, I left to go grab some food and when I came back, Kristen walked by me, handed me her phone, and locked herself in the bathroom with a bottle of whiskey. I looked down at her phone and saw a text conversation that was between Kristen and her best friend Amy back home. The conversation consisted of something along the lines of her telling Amy that she was afraid to admit to sleeping with Jax because she thought I would break up with her. She was ashamed and embarrassed, and wanted to pretend it never happened. . .and on and on. THAT, is how she told me.
I didn't yell or freak out or anything of that nature, I just told her that I knew it had happened and I was relieved that she was finally being honest with me. Kristen refused to come out of the bathroom, refused to go to SUR for the engagement party, and that's when I actually got really mad. I believed it was really important for her to face what she had done and take responsibly for it. I also I felt that the way she was acting was extremely selfish. But I decided I needed to put my feelings aside and just be there for her, because who else was would be? If I didn't have her back, she never would've showed up to the engagement party and faced the music. I defended Kristen to the group because in a way, I felt sorry for her, and no matter what she had done, I still loved and cared about her. Furthermore, nobody is going to sit there and tell me how to treat the one I'm with, especially not a b---hy Stassi and her ass-kissing, pity parade of minions. As much as Stassi wants to make it ALL about her, this situation is way WAY more catastrophic to me. At this point Stassi can go f--- herself. . .
It was extremely hard to have Jax tell me to my face that he didn't feel anything at all -- that is one of the main reasons I hit him. I'm not really the type of person that would do something like that, all I really needed was for him to say he was sorry and actually mean it. Not try and discredit his and my relationship or Kristen and mine. When he kept saying, "twice," well that's usually something that would happen when me and Kristen were having a quiche (lol) before work. Nothing to brag about homey, and all the more reason for you to get your ass kicked. I'm sure I'm definitely not the first and won't be the last. A guy like that needs to be treated like what he is. . .an animal. Im just glad he felt some repercussions for what he did. . .I feel like I went easy on him, I hit him in his forehead, and stopped as soon as he was down and I felt safe to do so.