To date, this was the absolute hardest episode for me to watch. I never cry when I watch our show, but seeing that scene with Katie and Schwartz outside really brought me to tears. I hate any involvement that I had in Katie and Schwartz's relationship and hate the idea that any problems were partially caused by me. I feel absolutely terrible and, of course, have apologized several times since. I don't ever like to throw anyone under the bus and, believe it or not, I don't like to be in the middle of my friends' relationships.
However, I do not know where Kristen gets off sometimes and why she does the things she does. She really makes it hard to be friends with her when she's constantly involving herself in everyone else's business. I NEVER told her about what happened with Schwartz. My friend because I only heard about this from Jax. My friend that Schwartz made out with never even told me what happened. I found out about this a year later, in a casual conversation with Jax, and thought nothing of it -- considering I didn't even know if it was true. Katie and I weren't friends at the time, and Schwartz and I were. Why would I bring a rumor to Katie that I didn't even know was true? I don't spread rumors. I don't talk to Kristen about things I've heard either, so I'm unsure why she said I told her that when it came from Jax. And I'm sorry Jax, I'm not trying to throw you under the bus, but I don't like that Kristen is saying this all came from me when it didn't.
I've already explained the "motorboating" incident. I did see something I described as "inappropriate" that night- so did Jax, Shay and Carmen. That wasn't a "rumor" I was spreading. I only talked about it with the people who were there that night. Carmen and Jax saw it as well, and that's how Kristen found out about it.
When I walked outside of SUR, I knew something was about to go down. Kristen, out-of-nowhere, brings up the Schwartz thing. I was caught so off-guard. I didn't even know what to say other than, "Yes I heard it happened so very long ago." At the time I heard this, it was on of those things that goes in one ear and out the other. I hadn't thought about this in over a year. I don't know why Kristen decided to bring this up now. Then I realize, there's more to the story with Schwartz and supposedly he had cheated again. I don't want to be a part of this. I don't want Kristen acting like I'm currently spreading rumors about Katie because I wasn't. All I wanted to do was walk away and remove myself from this situation. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I have always been more of a guys' girl. That's no secret. I love to hang with my guy friends, toss back a few beers, and enjoy a football game. That's just me. I am also a girls' girl. When you are in my inner circle and I am close with you -- I will do anything for you. Schwartz and I have never once had a falling out, and Katie and I have had several. Of course, when I heard this I kept it to myself because Schwartz is my friend.
When I heard about Tom supposedly cheating on Ariana, I immediately went to her because she's MY GIRL. And as much as Tom has always been one of my best guy friends, I will always have my girl's back when it comes to a situation like that. Had Katie and I been close at the time I heard this as well, I absolutely would have brought it to her attention. But we weren't. All I can say is things change. People grow. Friendships end and friendships mend. I love Katie dearly. I always have and always will -- even when we butt heads. I feel awful she found out about this the way she did, and if I could change things I would. All I can do now is be here for her and try and protect my friends from anything bad that could hurt them. I again sincerely apologize for any involvement I had in this situation, and I truly wish all of my friends all of the happiness in the world. I want everyone to be AS HAPPY as Shay and I are -- not to be "LIKE US" but to simply be AS HAPPY as we are.