Mazel: Bobak Ferdowski, part of the team that landed the Curiosity rover on Mars in the wee hours this morning. Bobak might be an egghead, but he’s an egghead with a hot mohawk and dreamy eyes! The entrire world is now obsessed with the world’s sexiist nerd, so Bobak, if you’re listening, don’t forget to use protection!
Jackhole: Elton John for recently saying things about my Madonna that are too ugly for me to repeat here, but it was basically that, among other things, she looks like a fairground stripper. Um, Elton, Madge doesn’t need me to fight her battles, but people who live in spangly double-X tents shouldn’t throw stones!