Jeff Lewis

Jeff compliments his hard working team (except for Zoila of course).

on Aug 10, 2010

Dear Diary,

I am with Jenni on an American Airlines flight from St Louis to LA. I’ve had three glasses of wine and I’m feeling particularly somber and introspective. I realize I need to blog, but I feel like a teenage girl writing in her journal.

My design business has grown exponentially, but with success comes new challenges. I’m very grateful to have so many clients in this economy, but it has been very difficult adjusting to the onslaught of work. Because money was so scarce a year ago, I don’t want to turn anyone away out of fear. I now have roughly 15-18 clients, and everyone at Jeff Lewis Design is working like dogs. Correction—everyone but Zoila.

Cocktail hour helps to appease my disgruntled employees, but we all are burning the candle at both ends. I question whether I can keep up this pace, but downsizing is a last resort. It was easier when I had Ryan to lean on and I miss his support and friendship. I am still very sad over what transpired 10-months ago. Ryan and I have had very little contact and I have not seen Chloe since her birthday party. I have come to the realization that we may never be friends again. But life goes on, and I have a business to run.

I work harder now than ever, and I appreciate every dollar I generate. I try to instill my work ethic in my employees, but they don’t all get it. Sometimes my stress and frustration get the best of me, and I act out. When I react negatively, the guilt I have afterwards is often all-consuming. I sometimes wish I could rewind and redo. Since that’s not an option, I can only try to learn from my mistakes and respond differently the next time. I want to be a good person, but it just doesn’t always work out that way.

Jenni’s snoring has now grown so loud, I can’t hear myself think. She’s actually kind of cute when she’s sleeping, especially with the black freckles I added with my Sharpie. I wonder how long it will take her to notice. Hopefully, not until she gets home. I have asked the flight attendant for another glass of wine, but she’s too busy explaining to someone in coach why they can’t use the first-class restroom. I didn’t want to report the woman, but aren’t there plenty of bathrooms in coach for her to use? And more importantly, why are these wine glasses so small?