I am the daughter of a very strong willed, outspoken, and often judge mental mother. However, there are boundaries and although she used to think it was perfectly acceptable to cross them, she now knows that it is her actions that determine the consequence. There are things that are off limits, mostly it is my decisions when it comes to my core family. It's my business and unless I ask for her opinion or advice, it is not for her to comment on.
As harsh as my mother used to be at times, she was never cold or hateful. My heart goes out to Kandi because we as daughters have a bond with our mothers that can be so wonderful and yet it can also be so incredibly complicated.
In the beginning of RHOA, I think the Momma Joyce " character " was thought to be funny. The fact that she said and did whatever she wanted and made no apologies for her behavior was what put her front and center most times. However, watching what she puts Kandi and Todd through makes me cringe.
I would never sit here and call her names or disrespect her in any way because that is not acceptable. That being said, I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around why she thinks it is okay to wreak havoc on her own daughters life. When I first watched her, I thought " Maybe she is just playing to the camera", but after all these years I truly believe she is just mean spirited.
Yes she lost a son, but her daughter lost a brother. Furthermore, after Kandi lost her first fiance so tragically, the fact that she was able to find love again should be so comforting to Joyce. To know that her daughter found a man that she loves enough to marry and who in turn loves her daughter so completely, should make Joyce happy. Yet, all she seems to be is so filled with hate.
If Momma Joyce loves her daughter unconditionally as every mother should, then the only thing she should want for her is to be happy and content with her life. From what I have seen, she is so completely happy. She not only loves this man but also loves his daughter as her own. In turn, Todd's behavior reflects nothing more than his complete love for Kandi and also for her daughter.
What I witnessed watching the wedding, (and I assume everyone else did also) is that this Mother and Daughter and this Father and Daughter happily and without reservation became a blended family willingly. What I witnessed not only during the wedding but through out the entire time leading up to the ceremony and during the reception from Momma Joyce was: A mean spirited, bitter woman who went out of her way to make sure everyone including her daughter, grand daughter and soon to be son in law knew that she wished he would walk away from her daughter
Momma Joyce may object to that statement but actions speak louder than words. Aside from all of the things she said and did to both Kandi and Todd, I think the worst and most hateful thing she did was to make sure during the make up and hair portion of the show that she let it be known that Todd's daughter was a non factor to her. That is a child who did nothing at all but have a father who fell in love with Momma Joyce's daughter. How could any one, especially a mother and grand mother go out of their way to hurt a child like that? What was there to gain by saying what she did? The only reason there is for someone to say things like that is to inflict hurt and pain on someone and in this case a child.
I know Kandi is caught in the middle when it comes to this but I sure hope that if she hasn't already done so, that she sits her mother down and in no uncertain terms sets boundaries, refuses to allow her behavior to continue one minute longer and most importantly, to give an ultimatum to Momma Joyce. That ultimatum should be that if she cannot keep her horrible thoughts to herself, show a genuine interest in her daughters life with Todd, and NEVER let another word or any type of attitude be tolerated towards Todd's daughter, or she will not be welcome in their lives until she can do so.
I really hope this woman was horrified watching her behavior. My heart sank when Kandi tried to show her the new ring and was so incredibly happy smiling ear to ear and this woman just shrugged as if to say "So what"HOW CAN A MOTHER DO THAT??? HOW CAN A MOTHER SIT AT HER DAUGHTERS WEDDING AND NOT SMILE ONCE, MEAN MUG DURING PICTURES AND ACT LIKE A 2 YEAR OLD SPOILED CHILD?
Momma Joyce if you read this I hope you are as horrified as I am at the things you have put your daughter through. I think you know that she is never going to cross that line to disrespect and you take advantage of her. Maybe you think that because she has a husband and another daughter now that you will not be a priority when it comes to her financial obligations. I cannot think of another reason a mother would be so filled with hate at what should be the happiest time in her daughters life. I hope you ask forgiveness and I hope you do some major soul searching and therapy to find out why you are so mean spirited.
Kandi if you are reading this I hope you have reached the point where your happiness is the number one priority because you deserve it. Don't let your mothers behavior ruin the love story you and Todd writing.