Million Dollar Recaps

The Joshes go in search of exotic thrills.

Mar 4, 2011


Josh Flagg, meanwhile, is in the heart of Hollywood, hitting up a club against his will: "I don't leave my house," he says, "and certainly not to go clubbing." Now that's what I like to hear. Finally, a character on reality TV like me! Maybe next episode they'll show him in pajamas, pointlessly surfing the Internet for straight 20 hours, compulsively eating handfuls of Sour Patch Kids. That would be huge for me.

At the club, Josh links up with Candis Cayne, of Dirty Sexy Money fame. She and two friends, one of whom is rocking what can only be called a "skunk tail," want to open a restaurant and nightclub where Candis can perform. No problem, says Josh. He also says that he's had two facelifts and a chin implant. At first, I thought he was kidding, but now I'm not sure. He is, after all, the only cast member who hasn't uploaded baby pictures here yet. (See which other Bravo stars Candis Cayne has been hanging out with.)

As I said before, it's the same old story with Madison, client-wise. It's almost as if he has a death wish. As soon as he hears his friend Lydia has a terrible client, he's jumping to co-list with her. Madison. Two weeks ago, you had Ismir threatening to shotgun your kneecaps because you couldn't change the fabric of the entire universe for him. Now you're all about getting with Julian for a co-listing commission? Well, it's your life. But this time, when your hair starts falling out from stress, don't come crawling to me. 

As soon as Madison scopes out the listing, we see that Lydia wasn't kidding. Julian shows up and repeatedly says that he hopes they sell the listing "for your sake." At one point, Lydia is holding out her hands while speaking and he just starts punching them.  Clearly, Julian is itching to "go Sheen" here.

Madison manages to hold him off for a bit, and since the listing is in a Russian neighborhood, he decides to run an ad in a Russian-language newspaper. The strategy pays off. Well, in terms of slogans, at least. "So, can it be... more cheaper?" asks one visitor, which seems like it's the one important question behind everything in real estate. This particular property can't, since the owner might well be insane, but thanks for asking.

(What do you think? Rate this week's properties.)

We end with two closings – Josh Altman and Jimmy Quinn get 1.75 million for the Circles of Hell, and Josh Flagg sets up Candis & Co. with a 13.5 thousand a month five-year lease. I thought I had told the guys that I wouldn't be accepting any more leases, but five years ain't too shabby. 

However, according to the teasers, Josh Altman may get a $20 million listing next week. Let me be the first to say: We need this, Josh!!! And if you get it, I will allow you to robotkiss Heather as much as you'd like.