Not only did I get on that wall, but somehow (I have no idea how), I made it all the way up the thing to the very top. It may have taken me 5 minutes to do so where it took him about 90 seconds, but he was encouraging and supportive of me the entire way. I felt so good about myself and it was such a thrill when I made it up. I’ll be honest -- inside I really wanted to cry (that would have been weird though, I realize). But that’s how I felt. The idea of reaching higher than you though you could is powerful, and it felt like the perfect symbol for what I’ve been going through in my dating life. I never imagined a first date could go like this, and I really felt happy and proud of myself, while at the same time a little thrilled over my chemistry with Kevin. Just FYI: he has really great hair.
This is uncharted territory for me, that mix of feelings: being sure of myself professionally, proud of myself personally, and hopeful for myself in relationships. I don’t know the last time all of these things were aligned at the same time. From the date with Scott to the sessions at iVillage and the jagged rock wall, I’m finally feeling like I can do this, and that maybe there is hope for a workaholic matchmaker who has never really felt comfortable in her own skin. I am understanding at a deeper level now what my clients feel on those dates that go really well. Which means I’m beginning to see that I don’t have to live through their happiness. I’m beginning to see that my own might be in reach.