If there’s one thing I know about dating, it’s that you have to give people a chance.
Men are very visual creatures. It’s very rare for a man to meet a woman he’s not attracted to and then to find that she "grows on him." So I know when matching men, attraction is just as important as everything else: personality, values, and character. In fact, I identify with men in this way, as I am fairly particular myself in the looks department—more so than a lot of women. I do admit, however, that on a few occasions I have briefly dated men that you wouldn’t have given a second look had he passed you in a party or a restaurant. Why? Because as most of us women know, there’s no substitute for CONFIDENCE.
A guy who is "meh" in the looks department, suddenly becomes George Clooney when he wins us over with his charm and wit. Whenever I interview potential male clients, I do look for certain physical elements that are appealing to women, yet by no means do you have to be tall and look like Clark Kent. Most beautiful women, I’ve found, aren’t attracted to men who are "too hot" or "too good-looking," because those men often possess personality characteristics that are off-putting. So I look for the total package: that spark in personality, charm, wit, humor, intelligence that makes his conversational skills both amusing and interesting.
Men have potential to make women swoon, despite the fact they may not be stepping out of a GQ magazine (though I don’t complain when I get those kind of clients either!) Tim Sykes is one of those guys.
Yes, my girlfriend was trying to do a favor by setting me up to distract me from the fact Lewis hasn’t called. I did appreciate it, but there’s a reason why I’m a matchmaker and she works in finance! Firstly, Tim is 30 years old. That is simply too young for me—and I’ve already got 28-year-old Lewis on my hands to figure out. Also, my girlfriend knows I am rarely into successful finance guys (though they make great clients, as I have tons of gorgeous single women who love them.)Now this is a blanket statement, of course; it’s a generalization with exceptions to the rule. However, in general, successful finance guys can have an air of being a little too into themselves for my personal taste. My match would be more closer to the entrepreneurial type, someone in a job that requires a creative side. Of course, never say never! As soon as I sit down with Tim, I definitely know he’s too young for me and our personalities are not a match, but despite this, I still enjoy the meeting. During the brief chat with Tim, he really starts to grow on me and I realize he has a gorgeous smile, and a sweetness under all of that "successful finance guy" air about him. Before it’s over, I find myself a bit charmed by his endearing sincerity.
At the same time, I am aware that Tim talks way too much about how great his apartment is, the view of his apartment, how awe-inspiringly great this apartment is.
There’s a moment, right in between my realizing I find him amusing, and also know how I can help him, that I decide I can take him under my wing. That’s how it works with me: more often than not, when I meet a guy, I’m thinking of who I can introduce him to, how I can help him find a match. Yes, even when I’m the one who is supposed to be on a date with him!
First, I think: if Tim and I were to work together, I like him enough that I want to point out that he shouldn’t talk so much about what he does or doesn’t have. The last thing I want as a matchmaker is for someone to go out with Tim because of what he owns. He is way too great a guy to end up being used. I felt like he needed to be cautious of leading with his "material foot." We get how successful he is, but Tim is much more then his career.
Then, immediately, my brain starts thinking through a number of girls who would actually be right up his alley. One of my best friends, Lauren, pops into my head suddenly. I can tell you over the seven years that I’ve worked as a matchmaker that whenever I am interviewing a potential client and a zinger idea like this appears in my mind, it almost always is the person they ultimately end up with. Even if they go out on a dozen matches through me in their first few months, it always goes back to my first gut instinct when I knew them for five minutes.The point is, I went in with an open mind. And though Tim wasn’t right for me, I really ended up liking him. I’m not the type of girl that walks into a date, makes a snap judgment, and then rudely gets on her phone after the first few minutes and tries to skip out on dinner to get out of there. Even after the "I’ll make you breakfast in bed" joke – which doesn’t fly with me on dates, let alone the first date.
I don’t think I was Tim’s type either and we did seem to get along more like silly friends enjoying a nice dinner together. But we stuck it out, I met someone interesting that I’m glad to know, and someone I might be able to help. It wasn’t love, but not a bad night, either.
You never know who you are going to meet and how they will impact your life. I do have to say, I now am very charmed by Tim and have taken a liking to him in that I have made it my personal mission to see him happy with someone who is perfect and good for him. I know plenty of ladies for Tim, and my matchmaker hat is on and I am willing to bet my friend Lauren is right up his alley -- and he for hers. I love my job! Yes, I know I’m supposed to be working on my own personal dating life, but old habits are hard to break. And helping other people find love comes so much more natural and easily to me then it is to be dating myself. I absolutely love what I do, finding people love and seeing them happy. It’s my drug.
When it comes to myself, I’m starting to think that perhaps I need to go to Emily’s brother for an answer! We’ll see. And although I know that Lewis is not a good idea, part of me does like him and hopes he calls. I better throw myself into work and not worry about that right now, because the last thing I want to do is becoming obsessive over liking some guy I just met and catch myself waiting by the phone. I would never let one of my clients do something like that! Part of me wishes I could clone myself then hire myself. I need an Amy in my life.