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At the time, I was desperately (key word: desperately) trying to have an amicable friendship with this man I had loved so much, and this was the LAST experience I wanted him to have of me before he deployed just seven days later. What I felt it said to him (and perhaps what he felt, too): if we maintain a friendship -- which was very important to me (because I would feel like a failure if we didn’t) -- we’ll always have to be dealing with this nonsense: squelching rumors, dealing with reporters, all of the things he hates. I was holding up a portrait of his worst nightmare. It was HUMILIATING. When I spoke with Jack two days ago, and told him about this portion of the episode, I was just as nervous as when I called him that day back in December with the reporter. His life is bigger than this crap -- he’s actually out there (just back from a seven month deployment) fighting for our country, and he doesn’t deserve to have to deal with questions about his past relationship. We ended our conversation amicably, but I feel deeply uncomfortable that he’ll be affected by my mentioning this on the show. I should have thought of that when I walked into that coffee shop. But I didn’t.
That’s the problem inherent in reality shows: if you’re a conscientious human being, you try to take into account everyone’s feelings (“Should I say this, even if it’s what I’m going through, knowing that a mere mention of it will drag this person into a situation he might not want?”), and then you’re accused of not being authentic -- when really you’re trying to protect someone. So you start being honest and authentic -- and then people accuse you of NOT protecting the people you love or loved. It can be a horrible catch-22, and you just hope and pray that your loved ones -- whether they be your family or your friends or your exes -- understand your intentions, understand that you were doing the best you could with the emotional resources you had at the time.
I suppose that’s really all any of us can do.
So from there we move to this bike date with William. Now, a few things on this:
1) I look like a drunk cowboy riding a bike!
2) I will never again be filmed on a bike.
3) Have I mention that I look stupid while biking?
Julia, the session with Annie Lalla was very powerful. You do not need witch craft or magic, you should revisit the advice of Annie Lalla. She was dead on with what would help you and anyone struggling with any area in their life. BE YOURSELF!
I myself am nor on twitter nor Facebook but I do feel the common time each person spends together is a piece of magic even though I find trusting others is nearly not at all... and your thoughts?
p.s I know my very own peter pan...and love doesn't follow... so as a single women what am I to do
The only thing Id like to say is that I have no faith at all in Americas men what so ever... lies, trust its all gone for me...
can I just say after your intense session with Annie Lalla (who is magical! I want a session with her!) I related to you the most of all 3 ladies!
have you ever thought there are women even men who feel the way you do? ohhh you must approve me,,,
Julia also, I think we are dealing with a generation of Peter Pan boys. You're gonna have to look into an older age group of men if you want the games to stop.
No wonder it seems all single women in the USA have problems finding the right guy and I keep hearing that it's so hard to hav a relationship and blah blah. I lived in Mexico City for 13 years and having worthy contenders for my heart was never ever a problem.
what is it with all these "men" who give you their freakin cheek for you to kiss when you come in for one? Julia... desist from men in the USA ... I swear. All these complexes they carry.... wow. No man in LAtin America would do this to any woman!!!
Let me preface my comment by saying that very rarely do I take an emotional interest in characters that I see on television. Reality television, no less. But I have to also admit that within a very short time of watching you, I googled you to see why exactly you were considered the most hated person on the internet (or something to that effect). What I ended up finding was so disheartening. I was disgusted.
The fact that there is an entire website devoted to dragging you and your name through the mud breaks my heart. From what I saw, that kind of behavior is reserved for the worst of the worst, not for someone such as yourself. I cannot imagine what could have happened in the lives of the individuals writing and commenting that would fuel that kind of hatred.
I think I automatically feel a bit of a kindred spirit due to your issues with bulimia, as I have. Reading your blog this week shows just how much of an open wound self-esteem issues still seem to hold--and I would imagine the constant scrutiny only makes it so much worse.
I don't want to sound too much of a fangirl, but I adore you. While you are physically stunning (I rarely use terms such as stunning), your exterior is just a small portion of your overall beauty. You are entirely too cute, and though I can see some of your vulnerabilities, it is obvious that you don't take yourself too seriously . And the fact that you are able to climb out from under the covers everyday while there is a website devoted to portraying you negatively shows how ass-kicking you really are. You are badass.
Much love from Tennessee.
You are a beautiful woman and it was so hard for me to watch this episode because I see a lot of myself in what you went through. I am a "people pleaser" by nature and often I am hurt by things people say or do and take them to heart because I want so badly for people to see that I am a good person. It is very hard to step back and say "I don't care what they think..." Just know that the people who so viciously attack you are just unhappy with themselves and see things in you that they wish they had. It's very ugly to knock other people down to build yourself up... so try not to take what those haters do to heart, and keep being a caring person. Don't change who YOU are because of others :)
Hi Julia =)
I really want to start off by saying that I absoultely adore you !!! You are funny, smart, caring, and most important to me, completely real and relatable. Whether any of us would like to admit it or not, we have all gone through most of your emotions, so whom ever is considering you those horrible offensive names they have called you has probably been there, done that, and is seeing a reflection of themselves. What I have learned through the years is not everyone is going to like you, but as long as you like you, nothing else matters. The majority of us leaving you comments think you are great, so use this positivity and love you too =) I look forward to watching you and the other ladies every week. Definitely looking forward to another season already. Best of luck always!!!!
Hugest hugs, Julia! You should realize that the people who think it's necessary to demean you are the ones who don't like themselves very much. Personally, I think you're an adorable, spunky young lady, and it's your personality that has gotten me to watch the show beyond the first episode. Now, get out there and date! As an old married lady, I'm having fun watching the trials and tribulations of someone in the dating pool, and to be honest, happy that I'm not in it!
Your so freaking adorable and fun, there is nothing wrong with laughing while you were on your date. Men love to make a woman laugh. It also shows your fun and easy going. Who want to hang out with a girl that has a stick up her butt? Your awesome dont change
I just discovered Miss Advice and absolutely fell in love with it! I think your Love Coach has got some great advice. I had noticed the "lean forward and rapid fire questions" that you posed on dates and, although I know it was difficult, your last date seemed to have gone much better when you withheld that part of your ususal behavior. I think you are on to something really poisitive! You have sooooooo much to offer and when you have a really bad week you just have to feel lucky that you "got it over with" because it always, always gets better!! Keep your chin up - I am positive that there are a LOT of people just like me that think you are absolutely great!!
Julia, You are truly gorgeous, refreshingly funny, incredibly witty, and extremely kind to your family and friends! Granted, I don't know you, but this is what I've seen of you on the two episodes that I've watched of your show. Please stop reading the trash on the internet that consists of people tearing you to shreds! I couldn't believe what you were reading with your life/love coach (she is great by the way)! People who write such despicable things about you or anyone, are not worth your tears or your time! Seriously, who cares what they think about anything?! If anything, feel sorry for them, and think about how sad and horrible their lives must be to spend their time tearing apart another human being for no other reason than to make themselves feel better! Warmest wishes to you and the other ladies on the show! Enjoy the ride!
Good for you Julia! You are beautiful inside and out. You were absolutely adorble on the beach date and that guy was a jerk for not adoring you. As I commented on Amys blog - you would have been completely bored with him....you need someone interesting and secure. The part with your love coach was so touching and while watching really touched on some things in my own life...wow. Who knew? I wish I could have a love coach. You are awesome, smart, funny, exciting and BEAUTIFUL!!! I wish I could be more like you...dont listen to negative bloggers - purely jealous ones. I think the problem is that women have become smarter and stronger than men and their boring bare minimum just doesnt cut it anymore. (Jaded anyone?)_Mary Tyler Moore said there are no more good tv shows because people dont know how to write anymore. Same with dating.
To be honest, I didn't care for you watching the first 3 episodes. I could see that you were very hurt underneath it all and hungry for approval. Anyone that makes a list and talks about how picky they are is someone who has just built a wall of protection around themselves from being hurt/rejected. So instead of spending time out in the dating seen, meeting potential suitors, they spend their time fantasizing about all the great qualities they want in their mate. That long list is just a moat and drawbridge built to keep others out or justify why they can't find someone. I do think it's important to have standards but not at this extent.
Watching you at times I would cringe, I felt embarassed for you. This is not meant to be hurtful and I know it might zing if you read this, I just know I like to hear the truth and outside perspectives even if they hurt. You can only build off the truth. Anything else is a rocky foundation. I have a friend that is like you, I adore her cause she has a big heart but the insatiable hunger for approval can really make things messy in all arenas. I try to compliment her and lift her spirits but it's never enough. Nothing ever is. And I understand, I can feel really down on myself at times too. But you can't look for it in others especially when it's clear that they don't want to give it to you.
I don't know how the rest of the episodes will go. But I hope your strive for authenticity is successful. Maybe that's part of why I didn't care for you on the show. I love authenticity and think it's the only way to live life. Yea, people might think you're weird or crazy but don't you want to be liked (and consequently disliked) for who you are rather than some false image you've hoisted upon yourself? So at the end of all this, I will say you won me over simply with this blog. I now will be rooting for you in your corner. This is the kind of vulnerability and sincerity that endears me to people. So good luck honey and you are beautiful by the way! You look a lot like Lana Del Ray.
Julia, I can relate to you a lot! In High school I was popular but hated by many. I had sooo many rumors going around about me that I think still to this day 15 years later people may still remember me as whatever. But you know I stopped giving a crap. Thing is I live for me, thats it. I like you, I think you are beautiful and smart and witty. I am certain you will find a husband soon that will love you for you! Faults and all. Am not writer so please excuse my errors. Looking forward to seeing more of your funny antics!!
Julia I like you-I think you are cute, neurotic, funny as hell and very cute! Do not give up on yourself I think you are very brave to put yourself out there and you are not alone in thinking you are never good enough etc. but here is the secret life is to short- people that get you great those that don't so what unless they are close friends and family whose opinion you really value.
You are my favorite on the show andI think you are hilarious and a beautiful girl with a adorable figure. So, keep your chin up people are just jealous!
I actually posted after the first episode but for whatever reason mine was not on there, but I have to say that I think that you are adoable and that if you lived in MT I would want to be best friends. I think it is really uncool that people are so mean to you because most of the things they say are not true, like the fat thing I would love to be your size. It broke my heart when you were crying in last nights episode, I also learned a lot because I seem to have the same problem from dating. Thanks for being so candid and allowing people to see the crazy embarrassing part of you!
I just started watching this show this week and I have to say - I absolutely LOVE you! You are honest and kind and funny as hell. I'm sorry for your haters on the internet, but don't worry, you are extremely smart and beautiful and one day Mr. Right will come along. I have been with my true love forever now and he loves me just the way I am thank goodness! Looking forward to watching more of you on the show!
hello julia ~ i have to say, i didn't like this particular blog but i did love the episode. i felt your pain and felt that you were 100% real at that moment. i thought to myself - "wow, this show is amazing." 10 seconds later, i felt remorse. why did i and so many people "hate you" -- i think maybe people were simply jealous that you were a young, beautiful woman just being happy. maybe i felt that as well and couldn't realize it until i saw this episode. it is really interesting how humans enjoy seeing people "fall." i felt bad for you though because you really were just being harmless. and i am sorry for ever being "jealous" of you. you rock julia!
I think that you should not believe what people write and say about you. I love following your story on miss advised. You are more authentic than most of the women on reality tv. You remind me of how Bethenny was on her first season of real housewives, you are being who you really are. I love that you show your emotions and speak what you feel inside and ask alot of questions to people that you are interested in. I do the same thing and people in my life find me really easy to talk to and relatable. Please don't lose that quality in you that makes you not like everyone else. It gives you that extra spark that makes people interested in you and your perspective on living your life. That is what makes people watch Bravo.
You are also very pretty. The people who say negative things about your appearance are just jealous and are trying to make them feel better about themselves by trying to make you feel bad. Plus you have an adorable sense of style. I say be who you are and you will find your joy!!
You're my favorite on this show. Vulnerable, honest, intelligent, funny and an open book. We can only live our own lives fully if we are true to ourselves- faults and all- and you are definitely doing it. Keep being you :)!
I think you are adorable, funny, sweet and sincere. dont let what others say bring you down. use it as fuel to for strength.
Hi Julia, I enjoy reading your (dare I call them) blogs. I have severe social phobia (pretty much stayed in my house for the last 3 years). When I do go out though, nobody would guess. I have a schtick that helps me (and shields me) so I can get through the episode. I read this one-liner on some social anxiety webpage that seems to help me.... "It's none of my business what other people think about me". Since I'm a person that wants everyone to like me, (impossible, of course) I try to keep this thought in my head on the rare occasions when I venture out!