Wow. That was a tough episode to watch. Actually, the last two episodes were hard to watch. It’s hard enough when you’re going through something like that in real time, but to have to relive it, then watch the additional discussions had about you?! Not easy! But I am not about to let someone tell me or people that I am friends with that I am a bad person.
So let’s be fair here: I certainly could have behaved differently at the restaurant, and I’m not very pleased that I resorted to my classic sarcasm in that particular situation, especially given the company I was with. It was pretty obvious to me that Ashlee didn’t care for me, and I should have been more careful with my words. That said, “Funny? Funny looking!” is one of the oldest jokes out there! As I said that at the bar, an image of my uncle -- the king of corny jokes! -- popped into my head. When I was little, all we ever heard from him was corny joke after corny joke! “Hey there pretty, pretty ugly!” or “Moron? How about more off!” and of course, “You’re funny? Funny looking!” He had us rolling with his play on words cornball jokes! And everyone knew them -- and still does! Well, all but for Ashlee I guess.
You may not like someone and you may not want to be friends with them, but that doesn’t make them a bad person. Yes, I can see why Ashlee may be pissed that I said I was mortified when she was calling her dad on the phone when she was talking to Clark Kent in the Hamptons. Yes, I can understand she didn’t think my questions at speed dating were appropriate or funny. Yes, I can understand that she didn’t like that I didn’t roll over and run away when she told me to at the Drink Hanky party. And yes, I can even accept her not being fond of me because of where I live! But do any of these things make me a bad person? NO. Not at all! And Ashlee couldn’t even admit that they did either! Which I think is why she got so pissed off when we were having drinks because she was in the wrong for calling me a bad person and furthermore for telling Erica and Amanda not to talk to me.
There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than someone trying to take away your integrity. When someone (like an Ashlee) makes claims of your character that are so far off, it’s beyond hurtful. Furthermore, to see her discuss with her parents and Casey that she knew she hurt me and didn’t care -- that takes mean girl to a whole different level. Quite frankly, it’s lazy and socially irresponsible!
We can all be hurtful in times of frustration, pain, anger, sadness, PMS -- the list goes on. But most people will show an ounce of remorse or regret. However, if someone honestly enjoys being hurtful to someone, something is wrong with that person’s moral compass. And furthermore, unless you are the Pope, the Supreme Court, Judge Judy, Mamma Dukes, or Chanel’s rabbi (that’s a joke!), you’ve no right to tell anyone they are a bad person.When it comes to Ashlee and me, it’s quite simple actually clashing personality types. A perfect example of how opposites don’t always attract. When people just don’t match, lots of energy is wasted.
Lesson learned! If personalities clash, own it, acknowledge it, and address it! Ashlee knew why I asked her to meet me at the bar. She could have been a little bit thoughtful before sitting down and just simply said, “Joey, after spending some time with you recently and despite being friends at a point, it’s pretty obvious to me that we just don’t mix. I am a sensitive person, and your personality, sense of humor, blunt honesty, and general sarcastic nature... I am offended by it, and it’s hard for me to be around.” That, I could have respected and understood! And my response would have been a simple, “Thank you for being honest with me, and I completely understand. I can offend people, but please know there is no harm meant! Could you please have some respect for my friendships with Erica and Amanda and don’t speak about me to them? Let’s try and stay out of each other’s way, and when we are around each other, we now know where the other person is coming from!” End of story.
But as you all know, it didn’t go that way. When Ashlee isn’t getting her way in a “conversation” (if you want to call her discussions conversations -- I see them as more one-sided lectures as opposed to conversing and actually being productive), she derails the conversations with comments like, “Who are you, the Pope?” She is so good at doing that! So, I got frustrated because she couldn’t give me one example of why I’m a bad person and why she was saying such things to others. The conversation was going nowhere, she wasn’t making sense, and in a moment of frustration I caved. I let everything that Ashlee doesn’t like about me all out in one comment: “Funny looking!”
I felt bad that she thought I actually meant that she was funny looking (again, it was a childhood joke/play on words!), so I went outside to try to apologize, but alas, she was on the phone with her father again. And when I heard her tell him I was chasing her, I was over it! And I was pissed at myself for letting her steer the conversation in the manner she did, then to go outside and bitch about me to her dad! Frustration got the best of me AGAIN! Oy!Thankfully, Amanda (who has taken the time to get to know me some) was there to pick up the phone and talk me off a ledge. Thanks again, Amanda!
So, at age 30, I am finally starting to learn that it’s OK to not be friends with everyone, and that it’s OK not always being liked. It’s a hard lesson, and I know I will battle with it over and over again because, don’t we all want to be liked?! But just because someone doesn’t like us, it doesn’t make us bad people.
On that note, I love to exercise -- it’s such a great release! It gives you time to yourself to mentally handle friendships gone sour, work stress, or boyfriend worries. It just helps clear your mind, and hopefully helps you make better choices because you can reflect on your actions without interruptions.
With that, I’m off for jog! #Kamkam