Recap: Persian Pride?

Ep 6: Nadine weighs in on juicing, swim lines, and the Pride Parade.

There are a lot of commenters out there giving me flack for being mean to Lilly. I have to set the record straight. I really like Lilly. Everything I say is in fun and games, and maybe I took it a little too far. The truth is, she makes me laugh. She’s Persian Barbie and she’s just an easy target. And trust me, I’ve always been the easy target amongst my friends (not because I look like Lilly… I’m super short, used to be a chubby and had A LOT of hair on my body), so I know all about easy targets. That’s me, when I was nine. Kids were posing next to me like I was Sasquatch. Worst part about that pic? We were the same age!

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So here’s to you Lilly…

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My mom and my aunt were the 13%. Thanks, guys.

My deepest apologies. Now, on to the episode. This episode got intense and deep. What started off with Reza being completely rude to Mike over a float in the Gay Pride Parade, which he considered a disgusting embarrassment to the gay community, turned into Reza crying on Asa’s couch about what he went through as a gay Persian.

Before we get deep, let’s talk about the lighter side of this episode.

Who knew that Asa’s mom was a huge fan of Cheetos? I laughed so hard watching her mom trying to stomach the juice. Best part about it is Asa was trying to tell her mom how good this amazing juice was going to be. Organic kale, spinach, beet, carrot, parsley, garlic, ginger, and peppers. Sounds like a recipe to fight off zombies, not to live to 150 years old.

Asa, a word of advice: If your mom is hooked on the Cheetos, you might have her start with something a little simpler. We all learned in school that marijuana is supposedly the “gateway drug” before the hard stuff. Why not give her a “gateway juice” before hitting her with the hard stuff?

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How about a nice glass of orange juice? Too simple? Fine, add some bananas, but to give her straight up hardcore juices her first time, that’s juicicide. You want to get her hooked, don’t you? First one is free…

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What I learned from watching this? Juicing gives you menopausal symptoms. Next we saw Lilly get offered a gig as Creative Director at a company called “Long Hair Don’t Care.” They do t-shirts, and now they want to do swimwear. Um, isn’t that direct competition with her company? Lilly claims her company is making 7-figures, and she still wants to hear these people out? OK, I guess never turn down an opportunity, but I will also say this -- Lilly never admit that you don’t follow swimsuit trends when you own a swimsuit company! I get that you just know what looks good on a woman’s body and you don’t want to follow any “trends,” but you have to know what’s out there. Onward.

I’m sure there will be a follow up to Lilly’s business ventures in future episodes, but curious as to what she’ll do. Why would she be a Creative Director for another company when she has her own? Her swimsuit line is her baby! That’d be like my mom going and being someone else’s parent. If I were her swimsuits, I’d be sad at just the thought of possibly being an orphan.

The only way it’d make sense is if she acquired “Long Hair Don’t Care,” or if she sold off her company.

Now on to Gay Pride and all that surrounded it…

Reza and MJ stayed home, as they should have. Drama would have been at a maximum with the two of them there. As for MJ…I don’t get it. I know she’s loyal to Reza, but Mike nailed it when he said MJ is afraid to lose Reza’s friendship again. Nuff said.

At the parade, I loved how the Persian float was the cliché gold float! Anything with gold or a brand name is surely Persian. The only thing it was missing was a Mercedes Benz emblem. The best line of the day was the drag queen asking GG if her shoes were Cavalli, and she said, “No baby, they’re Zara.” I almost fell on the floor. Hey, at least she’s honest! Remember two episodes ago when MJ said GG’s not really Persian because Persians don’t camp? Well, to further that thought, GG’s not really Persian because no Persian would ever admit to wearing Zara when their shoes are mistaken for Cavalli. GG got points for that one!

On to gay pride, I LOVED that Lilly left her new Tesla at home and took the hitchhiker’s route. Nothing happened during the parade itself, but it was just visually nice to see. GG said it best when she said she wanted to jump up and down and throw rainbows all over the place.

It wasn’t until after the parade when the group got off the float to eat, and -- as luck would have it -- they ran into the infamous Sasha…

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Sasha defended himself and told the group that he came to America to be free. I understand that Sasha may not be for everyone, but he’s right -- he lived in a country where you can get your hands cut off or even killed because of your sexual orientation. It must feel good to be somewhere where you feel free and you can express yourself. Good for you, Sasha! We are all very lucky to live in the U.S. for that very reason. I know this Sasha thing will be continued in later episodes, but I think we can all agree that Reza needs to apologize.

Later at the pool party, GG found the one straight guy within 200 yards in a sea of gay men. She got so excited, it was as if she found a unicorn! I guess Sean is on the back burner for now? She said she has a guy, but she needs backups…that girl needs a backup guy like Sasha needs a backup jockstrap.

The episode ended with Asa and Reza talking about everything that went down at the gay bar with Sasha. Because if anyone can bring Reza down to earth it’s Asa. Ha! As you all know, I was very angry at Reza and his behaviors (and still am), and none of it is excusable, but I have to commend him for admitting fault. Unlike MJ, he was able to say he was wrong. His self-awareness shed some light on the situation. Reza said people don’t know what he went through and that suicide or a fake life were his only options growing up. I’m sure Sasha felt the same way, as do many gay Iranians. I don’t think Reza is alone in feeling this way. Truth of the matter is Reza was/is wrong, and he needs to deal with his issues. His behaviors aren’t excusable, but all he can do from here is make it right. Let’s see if he can pull it off.

And can I just say, Reza is very lucky to have a friend like Mike. He is a standup guy.

Until next week, it looks like MJ and GG will be picking up where they left off -- fighting as usual, and Reza goes to therapy.

Until then, I’ll be browsing jockstrap fashion for next year’s gay pride.

Comments? Tweet me @Nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.

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