Introducing the <i>Bethenny Getting Married?</i> Index
An unabashedly subjective calculation of the positive and negative plot points leading up to Ms. Frankel’s wedding.
In the diet-and-fitness world, we’re fairly certain that Bethenny’s BMI (Body Mass Index) is off-the-charts healthy – she is, after all, the quintessential Skinnygirl. In the tying-the-knot game, however, she’s been a bit less successful, with three previous engagements that didn't quite work out. Watch these two sneak-peek clips with us as we subjectively evaluate the positive (exclamation points!!!) and not-so-positive (question marks???) aspects of Jason and Bethenny’s relationship to calculate a preliminary Bethenny Getting Married? Index. (Yes, we are repurposing nymag.com's brilliantly conceived Gossip Girl Reality Index.) Tally your own BGMI during the full series premiere tonight at 10/9c.
Dinner at Megu With Jason
After ordering a sirloin steak, two spicy king-crab rolls, a sautéed mushroom medley, and a salad, Bethenny asks to keep the menu in case she wants something else to nosh on later. If this is any indication of how ridiculously gluttonous the reception meal will be, Plus 1! (A stuffed wedding guest is a happy wedding guest.)
• OMG: Is Jason manorexic? His aghast expression at the Skinnygirl’s decidedly unskinny order (mouth open, eyes blinking in disbelief) is way judge-y. Minus 3: couldn’t he just have grinned and bared his pregnant fiancée’s excess???
• Bethenny is six months pregnant. She wants to plan the wedding within an improbably short four weeks. This is, how do you say, improbable to the degree of Minus 4???? Oh wait, that's for a non-Bravolebrity who doesn't have an entire production team behind them: Plus 4!!!!
The couple can’t seem to agree on a reasonable size for the wedding: Bethenny wants 50 guests, split evenly, while Jason still doesn’t look pleased when she ups it to 80 guests. Minus 2, because: will either of them budge??
Total: Minus 2. This chapter can be titled: Bethenny Getting Married??
No Straight Men
• They’ve moved in to Bethenny’s Tribeca condo together!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus however many exclamation points that was. Okay, fine, we counted. It was 12.
• Jason: “You’re having icing for breakfast?” See above about being judge-y with the pregnant woman you’re about to marry. Minus 4, yes????
• Bethenny: “It’s no different than the cereal that you eat, it’s got sugar in it.” Bethenny feels the need to justify herself, but at least she doesn’t fire back with a dig like Housewife Bethenny would’ve: Plus 2!!
• When Bethenny mentions that a number of guys have applied to be her new assistant, Jason replies: “No straight men.” Territorial, yes. But in a good way, especially en route to the altar: Plus 4!!!!
• J: “How would you like it if I had a 19-year-old Brazilian nanny?” It’s a valid point: minus 2??
• B: “Good! She could wax me!” Perfect comeback: plus 2!!
• J: “I just say it because you walk around naked, you walk around in your thong.” Um, yes, true, and when straight guy assistants see their lady-boss in a thong, Cisqo starts playing in their heads, and no good things have ever been inspired by the “Thong Song”… Minus 5?????
• B: “I’m sure a 24-year-old wants a knocked-up 39-year-old!” Another perfect comeback: Plus 5!!!!! But then, we remembered, A, seeing this movie called American Pie where the concept of a MILF was invented. And, B, also we remembered the fact that Jason seems to be really into Pregnant Bethenny, in a weird but kind of empowering way, thusly a younger man could be similarly inclined by the every-dude-is-about-as-horny-as-any-other-dude theory. So: minus 2??
Total: All the back-and-forth between the two cancelled out, leaving us with the momentous fact that he moved into her apartment, so: Plus 12: Bethenny Moving In With a Dude With a Pregnant-Woman-Fetish!!!!!!!!!!!!