Following a Lyme disease diagnosis in 2012, Yolanda Hadid was dealing with the emotional fallout and physical pain of the disease. And she's revealing more about how hard things were for her during that time in her forthcoming memoir, Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisibility of Lyme Disease.
In it, according to an excerpt published by PEOPLE, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum details feelings of suicide two years after the diagnosis during a vacation with ex-husband David Foster. It was during that trip to Florida that the pain became too much for the former model.
“I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting. The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water’s ebb and flow," she writes. “God please just take me away in a wave. I can’t live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear. My next thought is a clear image of my three children. It shifts my consciousness immediately and that’s the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown.”
Yolanda notes in the book that currently it “feels like remission” and adds, “As difficult as these past five years have been, I am so grateful that this journey has led me to living in the light. I have had it all and lost it all, only to realize that less is more, money can’t buy you health or happiness, and one day at a time is good enough.”
These days, in addition to readying the release of her book, Yolanda has also started a new chapter for herself having recently moved to a farm on the East Coast. Bella Hadid shared a photo of her mom enjoying her new life, writing, "Mama Yo on the farm ready for her new beginning!"
Below, Yolanda goes in more detail about her ups and downs with Lyme disease.