Haus of Bravo

From fine art to friendship bracelets, this week's entry covers all the pop culture bases of this week's Real Housewives-themed episode.

Dec 14, 2010

Darling David, it's not easy being green. Choose your chartreuse wisely friend.

About David's dress Version 1.0: A lot of terminology was thrown around. Peter Pan, wings, etc. etc., but no one mentioned the only thing I could think of—Jolly Green Giant. Well actually, Miniature Italian Green. It was frightful. Poor Caroline Manzo looked like she had been out freezing vegetables to package and use for my dinners! It was the biggest Peter Pan fail since this.

But, again, life finds a way. And David soared on the wings of love and Eduardo’s chiffon to a solution. He just covered up that green monster with chiffon! Isaac thought it was super interesting, and so did I. I definitely thought it was plenty great enough to give the lovers in love more time together.

Calvin pulled a Cesar and made two dresses this week. One that was according to Dina, Scores-worthy, which for the uninitiated is a very fine strip club chain in New York City, and the other that was in the same green-on-green collection David thought was happening. Teresa choose stripper in this scenario, and I'm glad she did. Her sassy cape was befitting of her dramatic flair. And of course, that pair got along famously, mostly. I kind of want to make a montage video of them hanging out set to Queen's Best Friend. Get those two some bracelets.

And finally, let's talk about something important: vaginas. There's a running theme of vaginas throughout this season. Vaginas as a time capsule at the museum. Vaginas on David's dresses. Vaginas on David's mind. And now vaginas on Golnessa's dress. It's as though season two was a Georgia O'Keefe painting come to life.

But there's a time and place for yonic imagery, and it seems now was not that time. Golnessa's attempt to cover the, ahem, gaping hole on Gretchen's dress was ill-fated, and it was meet with Nancy Grace-style swift justice. Gretchen deserved better. What would Slade say!

And so it was that GoCi became NoCi, or just Ci. It was bound to happen at some point, but why can't best friends stay together? Why can't Golnessa and Cindy make dresses together forever, while Calvin and Teresa prance hand in hand. Queen blaring in the background. Life rolling onward.

(Aside, if any person can send me a video of Jeff Goldblum's Jurassic Park speech, you'll earn a place in my heart for eternity).